- You love Me?
"Of course I do, my love!"
- So prove!
Have you heard this conversation somewhere? I already! In fact, I've said this to a lot of people.The following gem has also said quite a lot:
“I belong to you and you belong to me… Forever!”.
Is not it pretty? Want proof of love greater than this?
Well, today I think differently and that's what I share in these few lines.
When I give myself to someone, I pass on the responsibility of making me happy. And, of course, I take it upon myself to make the other person happy too.
Of course, when we create loving bonds with someone, all we want most is the well-being of the other, but being responsible for the happiness of others is antagonistic and creates conflicts when we leave the responsibility for our own happiness to the other.
I explain…
You know that course you wanted to take, but your partner would not allow you to take it? Or that trip? Or tell you what it would be...
The other comes with convincing arguments for you to give up on the idea, saying it's not the best thing for you, but that it's actually just jealousy and insecurity on his part that you meet someone else and leave him. And the opposite applies.
Since we put ourselves in the hands of others, we let the other decide for us. And when we decide for the other, we do so based on our own parameters, which are our insecurities, fears, dreams and hopes. Good or bad, it's our interests, not the other's. Convenient to us, not necessarily to the other.
After all, the other belongs to me.
Oh, and I belong to him, of course…
It's a crazy exchange.
Following the example, if each one took responsibility for their own happiness with the motto that “I belong to myself”, the person would join the course and would certainly feel with more meaning and purpose in their life. Faced with this, I would be much more confident and happy, of course.The counterpart of this trusting, loving and receptive state of mind would be deposited in the relationship with the other, who would have a relationship of much more connivance and solidity at hand.
If this other is also in this space of taking responsibility for himself, then there will be a wonderful complicity, because the couple's demand for the happiness of others will not be at the level of threat or bargain.
However, we often hear the phrase:
"All I want is someone who makes me happy...".
We just have to be very careful about it, because having someone by our side to be happy with us is one thing, but having someone who will have an obligation to make us happy is quite another.
We will place the responsibility for our happiness in the hands of the other, something that not even we can handle properly. So imagine him… It's insane!
The tip is:
Whenever there is a thought or speech of “YOU MUST MAKE ME HAPPY” and there is this charge to the other, think if what is being demanded could be done by you.
Just think if the responsibility really should be passed on to the other person.
If not, what would happen? What would you assume?
There is no right or wrong here. This is just an exercise in perception.
Well, I'll do my best to take responsibility for myself.
If it doesn't work out, then I make a request:
Please, all I ask is that you make me happy! Is it too much to ask?
I'll stop here and invite you to have a chat with coffee in my Therapeutic Space. If this is not possible, I invite you to a virtual chat.
Kisses in the heart!
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