There are several situations that make us feel a huge sense of failure. Being in a job that doesn't give you pleasure or not being able to find a way to survive with dignity, while seeing professionally fulfilled friends mocking those who have not yet achieved professional success. Living a failed love relationship, for the lack of courage to put an end to it and also for being tired of being the only one “stranded” in the group of friends. Not meeting the rigid and expensive aesthetic standards imposed by celebrities.
Seeing a sick family member and not knowing what to say or do to ease their pain. Anyway, the list of frustrations capable of shaking our structure and making us as fragile as a house of cards is endless. These facts diminish us, suck our physical and psychic energy, steal our essence and bring the feeling of being alone in a labyrinth that grows bigger every day, without the slightest prospect of solving the smallest of problems. Self-help messages and religious teachings say that we should be grateful for the opportunity to wake up, that problems are just opportunities to grow. In fact, all this is true, however, when we are experiencing one of the situations mentioned above, we cannot see all this, because they distance us from our essence.
When we have the courage to confess our anguish and weaknesses to the few trusted people that our disbelief can still identify, we do not feel the relief expected by this attitude, because even if the friend, teacher or relative sees that we are going through a moment of turmoil , the most we hear is “you have to be strong”, “you can't be beaten down by problems”. They're right, but that sounds very vague when we're lost in these times of turmoil. We don't want to hear truisms, what we really need to know is how to achieve all this.
Adverse situations are almost always caused by people and external issues, however, if we analyze well, we will come to the conclusion that the cause is within us. There is an old maxim that says “they only do to us what we allow”, this is true, because if we feel reduced to nothing, because of the “friends” who ridicule us for performing a less “glamorous” role, it is because within us there is the certainty that we are destined to fail, and we cannot find our personal and professional qualities. When we insist on a failed relationship or marriage for not having the courage to end it, or for fear of getting old alone, it is another sign that reveals the inability to do a self-analysis and extract the best of our personality, for expecting the other to have the solution for it. my happiness. Being sad about not being attractive like the stars of music and television reveals the inability to not accept your physical characteristics, and once again to place the reason for our happiness in external matters.
Whenever we read about “being strong” in magazines, books or websites, we see explanations focused on what concerns physical vigor, we see diet menus and physical activity programs. But, what about the psychic “being strong”? Few people talk about it because of its high complexity, it seems like it's something from another world, or else, it's aimed at superheroes. Know, dear friends, that being strong is not impossible, this is closer than we can imagine, just having the courage to open your heart and face your situation head on. But how to reach this stage of fullness? How to make up for lost time by creating storms in teacups? There is no ready-made formula, but if you really want to change the game and start living for real, open your heart and read and apply our tips in your daily life.
let go
Detachment is a key issue to regain lost emotional balance. Let go of everything that hurts, objects that remind you of an ex-boyfriend who left, as well as your letters and messages on your cell phone and on social media. Let go of that old feeling of putting other people in front of you, that's not selfish, it's self love. Let go of negative feelings. Learn to say no to others' priorities and say yes to your desires. Let the bad things go to make room for all that is beautiful.
Discover a reason to live
Looking good, we all have a reason to live. Notice how emotionally strong people know that each day is a gift, because it is an opportunity to start over Just as children are happy with the cornmeal cake they will eat at their grandmother's house, make a sandcastle on the beach or with a bath rain, you need to find happiness in the simple things. It's okay that when we are adults, priorities change, however, allow yourself to take a shower or do anything that made you happy in childhood. Thus, you will be able to find a healthy refuge in times of turmoil.
become a ima
Surely you've heard that kindness breeds kindness, haven't you? So, before you scowl at someone who is super excited because they want to tell you, because they consider you to be a nice and trustworthy person, take a deep breath and be grateful that you have a person who likes you that much. Welcome people with a smile. Train patience every day, tolerance towards our fellow humans creates a healthier world and has the power to break the negativity of those who intend to destroy us.
Stay away from negative people
Negative people suck other people's energy and you just don't need it. An aggression can hide a cry for help. Keep in mind that there is no shortage of frustrated people, crazy to spread their hopelessness in order to "balance" things. Pray for these less evolved souls, but stay away from them.
Spirituality
Forgive those who hurt you, forgive those who abandoned you when you needed it most, forgive those who made fun of your situation. Clear your mind of thoughts that refer to revenge or ill-wishers. Connect to outside forces through mantras or prayers. Cultivate the habit of “talking” to God, not only asking, but mainly thanking you for the fact that you are trying to become a stronger person.
Keep in touch with those who are good for you
Keep in touch with family and friends who have always been close in the most difficult times. Also try making new friends, taking courses, participating in extracurricular activities at college or any other course. If you are an adherent of a religion, join the choir, craft groups or activities that aim to help children, the elderly or sick people. Expand your circle of friends, science has proven that people with an active social life are less at risk of developing depression and other psychological illnesses.
Choose your battles
Don't waste time with useless battles. Why spend your life trying to be like the girl in the magazine, or be loved by everyone? These goals are unattainable things, and between us, tremendous nonsense. Find the pleasure of being who you are, with your beauty, qualities and points to improve. Fight to get a good job, to get a scholarship. Fight to be a strong person, who doesn't give up on your dreams, fight to learn to like the person the mirror reflects, fight to learn to filter positive criticism from those said by those who have nothing to say.
Get out of your comfort zone
Crying and lamenting in the corners is much easier than fighting for what you believe in. After all, your room, your couch, your diary are old acquaintances that make you feel free to talk about your bad luck or how bad others are. Get out of your comfort zone immediately, go to the park, or to that artist exhibition you love. Try a different ice cream flavor. Try putting the rice on top of the beans. If someone asks you out, don't make absurd excuses for not having to visit a new place. As comfortable as your home is, dare to do something different.
remember your successes
Surely you've had several successful moments. Victories in sports, a delicious dinner prepared at the last minute that is still remembered by family and true friends, high grades in school even in subjects that every student gets goosebumps just talking about, that flower arrangement that even his mother, an expert on the subject, he admired, a crossword solved in record time. Remembering these moments will make you remember the person capable of overcoming the mishaps that sometimes appear. Remember them daily until you are sure that you are someone very special;
Do not take things so seriously
Take Charlie Chaplin's thinking like a mantra. The great actor said that “Life is a tragedy when viewed up close, but a comedy when viewed from afar”. Of course, some things need to be taken seriously, however, learning to laugh at yourself can make small failures more bearable. Remember that the most interesting people can laugh at themselves, make fun of mistakes.
Serenity is needed
Another super important feeling to find emotional balance is serenity. As the prayer says: “Give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that can be changed, and the wisdom to differentiate between such things.” Repeat this daily, spread this message through every room in your house, one hour you will see that the message contained in this prayer is true.
Try again
Remember the victories you've had? They certainly came after a lot of sacrifice and after a long time. If something didn't work out today, retrace your steps tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, until you make it. Mentally strong people know that failure brings answers. The most successful people didn't get depressed, they didn't give up on their dreams, and the world wouldn't be the same if they had thrown everything into the air. Put the song by Raul Seixas “Tente again” on your cell phone and play it whenever you're feeling down.
Give thanks
Even if you still don't have the dream job, or the relationship that makes your heart beat faster, you definitely have reasons to be thankful. Many people cannot read, because they were born into very poor families, and they exchanged books for a hoe and spent their lives working. Others do not have a roof and minimum conditions for survival. How many have their arms full of lumps because they have to undergo dialysis sessions. A lot of people out there, don't walk, don't see and overflow happiness, even in the face of difficulties. If you analyze your life, you will see countless reasons to be grateful.
Nothing lasts forever
There is no evil that always lasts. Turbulences are mere opportunities to reinvent yourself and learn more about yourself and about life. Do you still suffer for that boyfriend who left, or did you hold on to this sadness for fear of facing something new? Think about it.
We know that this process of emotional rebalancing is difficult, however, it is essential to lead life in a more comfortable and happy way. Keep in mind that only you are responsible for the bad things that happen in your life, so only you have the power to pull those weeds and fertilize this garden with faith in life, faith in yourself to reap the fruits. We hope that this article was the first step, the first seed towards a bountiful harvest. We don't teach everything, this journey is very particular, and each person has to find their way to psychic well-being, but it doesn't hurt to give a little push to a friend who is a little lost, right?
- Text written by Sumaia Santana from the Eu Sem Fronteiras Team.
