“I order a dinner
just for the two of us
If there's nothing for later
Why not me? Oh! Oh!
Why not me?"
Herbert Viana/Paula Toller
Have you ever asked this question throughout your life?
– Why was he promoted and not me?
– Why does he have people's attention and not me?
“Why did her marriage succeed and mine broke up in the first year?
– Why was he chosen to represent the class and not me?
There are so many 'whys' that steal our energy and take the focus off what's really important.
I don't know if luck exists, I have doubts about that. Perhaps 'being in the right place at the right time' is more acceptable. But for that to happen, we have to do our part. We are alert to opportunities and ready to seize them.
So, confess… You've already asked this question, even if quietly, just for you, haven't you? But, don't feel guilty. Probably everyone has been through this. It is part of being human.
The important thing is to be aware of this fragility and willingness to change it. Realizing how much this is a passive attitude, as it throws all the responsibility on the other.
I believe in the potential that we all have within us for transformation, for the search for emotional and psychological growth. According to Carl Rogers, an American psychotherapist, all people carry within themselves the necessary strength to develop their own potential.
Some points that will lead to a reflection for a more adaptive behavior are:
⇨ Don't compare and don't judge
Nobody is perfect. Each brings with it abilities and shortcomings. Leverage what is good and seek to improve what is necessary. Remember that the fingers of the hands have different sizes, but they all have their function. Understand that you are neither better nor worse than anyone else.
⇨ Appreciate what you have
One day you thought it was important to conquer what you have today. Appreciate the effort and dedication spent to make all this a reality. Don't wait to lose to give due importance.
⇨ Thanking and Recognizing People
You certainly didn't get where you are alone. Many people were (and continue) by your side, loving you, helping you, welcoming you and giving your best, so that YOU could achieve its goals. Be grateful! Not because they expected this attitude, but because he recognized how important they were in his life.
⇨ Don't focus on obstacles
Here I will refer to Coen Monk: “Don't pay attention to your obstacles; they exist, respect them, but pass them by. Don't keep looking and saying: obstacles, obstacles... Otherwise, you give strength to what is harmful and negative. Look forward to your goals. Attention to obstacles makes them immense, powerful.”
“Overcome the big rocks that come your way, but be careful with the small rocks, as they can make you slip and fall.”
⇨ learn to say no
means to have confidence in yourself, have control over your own life and not be manipulated.
Discern in which situation and choose the yes, without promoting self-annulment or the not, without the worry of being rejected. Always saying yes, that is, being a propitiatory person can bring the feeling of being important, well connected. But make no mistake, in many cases it is just a one-sided interest relationship. Return may not occur.
The question – why not me? – suggests that the world owes you something. This is not real. So, do your part, in the best way possible; but do it with love. The result will come in time, believe me.
