That saying already said, a little cliché, by the way, but very accurate: “Better alone than poorly accompanied”. If we were to analyze this statement in more depth, we could even talk about self-love, self-knowledge and the opportunity to improve as people – on all planes of life.
First of all, being single allows us to learn to deal with our own issues. And that's something liberating. But we must be willing to know ourselves deeply, to analyze all our virtues and flaws.
It's no use being alone if we don't have the ability to immerse ourselves in ourselves, if we don't propose to take care of our emotional, even in order to prepare for possible new relationships - not that this is a purpose, but it's a way of knowing what we like and what we don't. Thus, we avoid abusive relationships and do not allow them to give us less than we deserve.
The Myth of “Bad Loneliness”
Throughout our lives, we are led to think that happiness lies in finding the ideal match, that we are only happy when we find our other “half of the orange”. This idea is widespread even in soap operas, movies – especially in romantic comedies. Just look at the happy endings: there are almost always marriages and pregnancy. Not that this is a bad thing, because everyone deserves to be happy the way they want. A lifelong companion is a very valuable thing. And children are a real achievement, the translation of inexplicable love. But not everyone needs it to be happy, temporarily or permanently.
We are conditioned to understand, from an early age, that being single is bad, it is synonymous with emotional incompetence – who has never heard the maxim “stay for auntie”? Or that critical eye for people who are already in their 30s and not yet married? The first thing we hear is, "There's definitely something wrong with this person."
Single, yes; alone sometimes
Although singleness is not entirely about loneliness, it is impossible not to talk about loneliness, since in many moments – even if we have several friends –, we will be alone, focused on our own individuality.
And this is very interesting, because it allows us a clear and pure image of our essence. We don't need to be reflecting on someone's actions, because, whether we like it or not, relationships for two transform our attitudes a little, we can't always be ourselves, because we make concessions, we are being influenced - and we also influence.
So, in order for us to feel good about others, we need to feel good about ourselves, and this is the point of our evolution – spiritually included. We need to love ourselves, practice self-love, self-forgiveness. This leads to a fuller, more balanced life. If we are able to forgive our own shortcomings, we can look at the other with more empathy.
In other words, being alone should be an experience of self-knowledge, self-love. A time to work on our self-confidence and self-respect. Introspection brings an inward look, which even allows us to see and heal those wounds that we no longer perceive when we are relating to others. And then we persist in mistakes that lead us to suffering, because we fail to notice that these pains are causing us to act in an erratic and vicious way.
Apart from that the loneliness related to a relationship for two makes us have more time to explore aspects of our life that we end up leaving behind or giving less importance than they deserve, and this also erodes our self-esteem. We cannot live for someone else.
Being alone, to balance the energies
Losing our connection with ourselves is something that destabilizes us, that makes us sick, and this results in an emotional mess, which will be perpetuated in other relationships - loving or not. It is a step back in our quest for evolution.
All deconstruction starts from the inside out, from the “I” to the world. If we cannot deal with our chaos, we will be chaos walking around others, without the slightest chance of finding a balance of the energies we emanate and receive. We need to tidy up our "house" to know where each energy will flow or even make room for bad vibes to find a way out.
As we manage to organize ourselves, we understand our behaviors, our reactions, what cheers us up or stresses us out. We are able to detect what activates our anger or pity, what stimulates our desire to be there, living certain situations or avoiding them.
Osho and self-love
In his book “Love, Freedom and Loneliness – A New View of Relationships”, Osho states that loneliness can be positive for our spiritual development. In its pages, he mentions one of the Buddha's teachings: "Love yourself", contrary to what some religions usually teach, that is, the purpose of this teaching brings two great truths: if we know how to love ourselves, we will be able to love the other more honestly; and since love is food for the soul, without it our bodies weaken and our souls sick. Our spiritual energy, according to Osho, has to be rebellious. And for that, you need strength. And that force is self-love.
Self-love has nothing to do with ego. On the contrary, when we turn to our self, to our priorities, we will be truly happy and we can make others happy. Looking at ourselves, even a little selfishly - in the sense of seeking our own happiness - allows the world around us to benefit too, as we will not do something for others as a matter of burden or to serve someone in a good way. sacrificial way. We will do it because we want to, because we don't seek anything in return.
Osho says: “…a happy person belongs to himself”, “Someone who loves himself takes the first step towards true love”. This is because, as he himself says, love is food for the soul and the body. If we are filled with love for ourselves, it overflows and spreads everywhere.
When we know where we fit and where we don't, we are more independent and grow from it. Also making everyone around us evolve with us. This is why self-love is so important, and being alone helps in this quest of self-discovery.
How about trying to enjoy yourself?
To know what is good for us and what is bad for us, we need this “solo” time. This way we can hear ourselves more clearly and detect our pain and wounds. The silence of this self-relationship can bring us healing and, as a consequence, our evolution in front of ourselves, others and the world.
How about trying to enjoy your own company? Do things alone, experiencing the pleasure of not depending on anyone or making concessions. How about being a little selfish (in a good way, of course) and pandering to your own expectations?
Try some of these tips that you can do on your own that will give you balance to deal with loneliness, understanding it as an opportunity and a treat, not as a punishment.
practice forgiveness
If you've just gotten out of a relationship, take the opportunity to analyze what didn't work, but without holding on to guilt and hurt. Take the opportunity to remind yourself that you had great moments and that, if it came to an end, it was because it was necessary. As for mistakes, just try to accept them, without judgment, but with the intention of learning and not repeating them in the future.
Assess what is missing in your life
When we're in a relationship, we don't always have time to analyze what's missing in our lives. It is not just a material issue, but also – and above all – emotional and spiritual. Did you need to value yourself more? Say more “no”? Avoid unpleasant situations? What dreams have you put off to maintain this relationship? Now that you're single, think more about what you can do for yourself.
give yourself a break
Don't fall into the trap of looking for a "plug-in" relationship. First, one person does not replace the other. A new love does not heal the wounds of the old. It's only you who can do this for you. Avoid this trap, because you can get hurt even more. Give yourself some time, learn to slow down and see the beauty of being with yourself.
Enjoy family and friends
Do you feel like you've lost some connection with your friends and family? This is quite common during a relationship – either because, in the beginning, it's all that passion; or because, in cases of relationships that are not so healthy, we are practically separated from people who were previously very close.
Take the opportunity to see these people with more quality of time. And avoid making conversations around the relationship (if you're recently separated) or your singleness. Talk about light, mild, funny things. Remember childhood moments.
Look for your memories that were already archived… it will also be a good time for you to rescue yourself in this process. It may seem silly, but just the fact of reviewing an old photo album makes us reconnect with a lot of what we left along the way over the years. Does a damn good!
meet new people
Take advantage of this freedom of being single to meet new people. It doesn't necessarily mean you need to meet new peers. Just make new friends, even if virtually. Knowing new cultures is something that will enrich you intellectually.
Now, if you want to flirt, just make sure you're ready for it and that the marks of past relationships aren't acting on your feelings. Both the bad ones, which make us deprive ourselves of enjoying the other person, and the good ones, which can force us to make unfair comparisons. If you're not ready to get involved, just make some new friends.
Acquire new habits… or pick up old ones
Now it's time to turn the page. Being alone is a challenging time. You need to get back to your single life, and as liberating as that is, it's a little scary. But it doesn't have to be scary. Take it lightly, as an opportunity to try something new or rescue things you've given up for some reason.
So how about acquiring new habits? Take a different course, develop new activities. Or even resume old or parked projects. Get that old dream off paper. It could be a grand plan or something quite simple. There is no “success” rule, just test, experiment. Try to see yourself in new possibilities. Give yourself a chance to find an independent path.
enjoy your time
In addition to no longer having to give satisfaction about what you are going to do or where you are going, you will be able to disconnect without worries, enjoying your own time and rhythm. Enjoy your own company and take the time to dedicate yourself.
Promote self-care, plan a solo trip, do things you enjoy that you haven't done in a long time. Experience the feeling of having a drink and savoring every sip, for example.
Meditate
If you already have the habit of meditating, take the opportunity to catch up on this habit. Now, if you've never done this practice, it's high time you tried it. Meditation really changes our state of mind, and this is key to finding our inner peace.
A good option is to practice mindfulness, or mindfulness. This technique helps to connect you with the present moment. Sometimes we do everything automatically and we end up disconnecting from ourselves, even having the feeling that we are not really living.
Practicing mindfulness will bring you to the now. And this promotes a feeling of complete well-being and happiness, reducing stress and anxiety, which can increase when we are faced with loneliness at first. In addition, this practice helps you improve your ability to make conscious decisions - which is very necessary.
And most importantly, heal your wounds
It doesn't matter if you're newly single or you've been single for a while. Being single, alone with yourself, is important for you to locate what hurt you and what caused you some heartache and is still reverberating in your emotions.
It's not good to dwell on feelings or anything that unbalances our energies. This takes us away from our spiritual evolution, makes us stuck, preventing the learning and resignification of our emotions, of our interior. So take a moment to understand your feelings.
- When only solitude can bring healing…Understand!
- Find your essence with our tips for loving yourself
- Forgiveness heals! Understand how this act can change your life
- Feel the pleasure of being single and spread that feeling!
It won't always be possible to completely close a wound, but it will be good to take time to take care of it and yourself, learning to value yourself - your wounds will be your alert every time you don't know how to say no or put the needs of the other ahead of your own. , violating your emotions to please someone. Looking at these open wounds, you will realize the cost of not prioritizing yourself. And you will think twice, avoiding further injuries.
Remember: we are in this world to evolve, each person who passes through our life leaves a learning experience, and it is through these lessons that our spirit transcends.
Try it, practice self-knowledge, learn to appreciate singleness. There's nothing wrong with being alone. We just need to better understand and accept our own company, as it is still the best there is. If we manage to extract our best, we can offer it to the world, making it a more balanced place to live. And that is good for the flow of energies. After all, a better world starts with us!
