The first hurdle, but not necessarily the most important, is peer competition. It happens in several ways, some veiled. It may be the age difference that motivates the dispute, the financial difference also matters a lot, professional and even personal training, different levels of education or gender issues. That is, they are real and significant points that are there, between the two, generating distrust, discomfort and insecurity.
To overcome these mishaps, it is necessary to make a detailed examination of our intentions in the relationship. Yes, we are the ones who should think about the topic that bothers us the most, because blaming the other will not eliminate the provocative difference that easily. What are my intentions in this relationship? What do I expect from the other? How do I see myself in two, three years with this person? From a question like this, it is possible to assess what is worth understanding and accept what is worth talking about more accurately for a possible change. But let me tell you, change usually starts with us. The other is the other, someone to be known little by little, with respect and attention. In fact, so are we.
Another very common aspect is the lack of transparency in the relationship. The couple creates a way of functioning that is so particular and stable, that they do not realize how rigid they have become, without opening for novelties, joy and frank conversations. It is the fear of change that fuels this behavior. We think that we have already found the ideal type of relationship and that it is already very good, since there are so many people out there alone…
This thought feeds a false idea that all is well, that nothing bad will happen. It is an accommodation and a failure in communication. The bad, in fact, is already happening! Conversations are automatic, contacts have already become routine (nothing against a good routine), but the truth of the heart is left out. The result is a cooling off of the relationship, distrust and, at times, even the search for compensatory relationships.
Truth has to be the third element of the relationship, the one who nourishes and transforms it whenever necessary. Living without truth makes the couple empty of feelings, indifferent to the needs of the other and incapable of expressing themselves with sincerity and beauty. It is necessary to look for the best way to say it and live it because Divaldo Franco, a spiritist speaker, once said that the truth is like a diamond, but if it is thrown in the face, it is nothing more than a stone, first it must be involved. in a velvet to then present it.
This capacity for delicacy with the other has to be built daily, passing, above all, through delicacy with ourselves.
And so we come to the third point: delicacy. What's going on with humanity? The lack of kindness became a plague, a disease. The kind human beings we meet along the way are rare and many who find our polite manner strange.
In the office, I see men who comment not being able to find companions who accept to be taken care of, as they soon claim that it is about “male domination”, which should not be sincere. There are also women who complain of rudeness on the part of men. Dating between people, many young people already start with a touch of coldness and lack of education that is surprising. And I'm not talking about any specific social group, but generations that have already started their relationships with the worst models.
What is the solution? I think that we can't help but review our relationships, first of all, to make them more welcoming, nourishing and meaningful on all levels, at least on those that we can. Reflecting on all this is of paramount importance for us, but also for those who copy us. And there are many. Even those who don't have children are teaching them something about relationships, because the tone of conversations, the joy of contact, the way we deal with intimacy, all reflect in the behavior of those around us.
Finally, choosing to live well, without competition, without lies and without rudeness makes us better people, worthy of the reflection in the mirror. Filling life with collaboration, truth and delicacy makes everything lighter, tastier and more fun. And all this in good company.
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