Narcissists tend to be very selective in choosing their victims, and even in this respect the symbolic comparison with spiders fits them like a glove, starting with the process used to weave their webs. Perhaps few know this, but despite its apparent fragility, the spider's web is extremely resistant in relation to its weight, in a proportion 5 times stronger than steel. Composed of tiny silk threads produced by glands located in the arachnid's abdomen, its amino acid constitution produces different types of threads, each with a different purpose. There are specific threads to compose the structure of the web, to capture prey, to build cocoons, for copulation, for molting (some spiders change skeletons) etc. The web used to capture prey is the most common, being woven in open places, with constant circulation of insects.
But of course we are not here to study spiders, at least not the ones that biologists study, but that specific type of “spider” that tortures its human victims and gives psychologists a lot of work. Knowing the habits of the arachnid, however, it is much easier to understand the modus operandi of its human counterpart, justifying the nickname of a “spider-man” that passes away from the well-known fictional hero. This antihero covered in our series also makes use of different webs, in which the difference is due to the very well designed objective for each moment.
Following our approach from the victim's perspective in the workplace - the greatest burden of living with our spider traditionally falls on females. These will be, from the first contact, involved in a continuous sequence of traps that can lead to the most dramatic consequences, even after their interruption. No one more than this type of “fly” knows the power of the web to which it will find itself drawn, until it feels powerless to free itself. But if for "house fly" – that this spider already has prey at home – the exit seems unattainable, the great advantage of this “circumstantial fly” in a love relationship in the professional environment is that, if desired, it will have less complex ways to free itself. It will, of course, be sufficient for you to wake up to your reality in your relationship with the spider and conclude that it does you no good.
It must be remembered that the pain of the wound often has more to do with the victim's reaction than with the aggressor's action. That's why a person alone in the family environment can feel much more scared than one who goes through the same harassment in the work environment, for example. The latter knows that it will always have an administrative support that the former will not have, which means that the pressure on one and the other has different weights in relation to the psychological effects produced.
The narcissist is known to be unfaithful and will feel quite free to get involved with co-workers since they are far from the person he keeps at home. But let it not be thought that this is only interesting for the compulsive seducer: several of its alleged victims manage to see such a situation as positive, especially when they also seek advantages for themselves, and in case of risk, they will have more effective means of protection very close to them, without the exposure and inconvenience caused by a police report.
This case of "partnership" Spider and fly around mutual interests is not as uncommon as you might think. The partnership is emphasized in quotation marks because it is not the conventional type – of joining forces for a common cause –, but a kind of mutual consent to meet individual goals that neither of them reveals. Therefore, it is not to be expected that there will be a fair play pact between the two, since the first one who manages to achieve his objective will inevitably try to discard the other.
Games of seduction and the exercise of power find an especially favorable environment in corporate spaces, thanks to greed almost unlimited between competitors positioned as co-workers, bosses and subordinates, or even between employees and customers, whenever there are narcissistic personalities embedded in the relationships, which is more likely than expected otherwise.
Victims of narcissists in the workplace can face such an exhausting emotional burden that, if they don't take care of themselves, it can seriously interfere with their lives. mental health, in addition to the potential to generate dismissals and even destroy careers. When the narcissist occupies a leadership position, he can exert very strong psychological pressure on the victims, as he will not admit to being questioned, in addition to the fact that the talents subordinated to his management will inevitably be seen as threats that will need to be contained so as not to deprive him of the prominence he needs. keep at all costs. Consequently, your subordinates will feel all the time "between the devil and the deep sea" for, if they are good enough to gain space, he will belittle their achievements so as not to be overshadowed, making them feel devalued in their abilities. And if they do not “show service” to him, he will likewise say that he is surrounded by incompetents to justify all kinds of persecution against those who annoy him.
In the event that the narcissist is one of the colleagues, his victims must remain very attentive, as he will have no qualms about boycotting their work, in order to pass on to the boss the idea of being the only competent employee in the sector. And don't be fooled by the most incautious, because blaming others for all the mistakes that happen in the environment they share is his specialty. He will do so with a smile on his lips and a look full of false solidarity. What if the victim is honest enough to question the reasons for the boycotts they've been facing?, he will look surprised, as if he has no idea what she is saying.
The professional environment creates situations from which there are not always escape routes, such as having a narcissist that your work passes through before reaching the boss. Even if you've been careful not to make any mistakes, there's no guarantee that the work will reach the boss in the same way it produced it, which is why the atmosphere of tension and surveillance will invariably become part of the routine.
The situation will be compounded if, in addition to this colleague who is already a problem in his own right, your boss is not perceptive enough to perceive the narcissist's manipulations to be tricked into believing that you are the incompetent. In private life, there are legal instances to which we can turn in case of pressure and moral harassment that compromise our mental health, but in the toxic environment of companies, the exits are not always so clear and even resort to a higher instance - such as the director above the your boss, for example – can be frowned upon, causing the whistleblower to be seen as a kind of “X9”, that disloyal employee who “delivers” his colleagues or even the boss when he does not want to admit his own mistakes.
As a rule of thumb when dealing with narcissists, regardless of the type of space you share with them, keep in mind that you can never underestimate their ability to create situations that put you in a bad light, which is more than enough reason to never let your guard down. Always reason as one who walks in mine terrain to analyze each step, before he finds himself in safety, for his devices are not always perceived a priori. In the work environment, it will be prudent to record each action, save emails and keep copies of the documents produced. In the private sector, care will be different, as their competence loses weight in terms of damages, for example, since there the concern should be with mental health and physical integrity.
You may also like
- Reflect on your relationship with your work
- Analyze the behaviors of toxic people at work
- Dig deeper into what narcissism is
In the meantime, everything must be very well evaluated if you want to escape the formula that never goes wrong, which is distancing: in the company, you will have the option of requesting a transfer to another sector or, if not possible, even deciding to resign. But in a closer relationship, as in a house shared by both, what is at stake is something much bigger, it could be everything you went there and what you will be after the traumatic experience of bonding with a sick mind that will never be able to help you. give you what you deserve! Wishing luck is never too much, but don't give up your common sense!
Follow the series:
You are in Episode 19
