Contrary to what most people think, even out of a very old custom or habit, being alone is not always a bad thing. In this Singles Day, August 15th, hundreds of people enjoy their “singleness” and the fact that they are not in a relationship, but the issue of being alone goes far beyond not being in an “official” romantic involvement with someone, as it is much deeper and can reveal the person who you are (or what you pretend to be).
There is a perfect term for the state of being in your own company: solitude. But, attention, despite remembering the word “loneliness” and even having a little to do with it, when someone is in solitude, they are alone by choice, they want to be alone, isolated or secluded from others and do not suffer for it. On the other hand, loneliness causes suffering, a negative feeling in those who feel lonely, because the person did not choose that, so loneliness generates a void. The big difference between one and the other is that a person in solitude knows that he has meaningful relationships with others and, even alone, feels good and complete.
Osho, a well-known guru who lived between 1931 and 1990 and was a professor of philosophy and a master in the art of meditation, wisely said: “Loneliness is the absence of the other; solitude is its own presence” and its philosophy complements: “Millions of people continue to maintain their relationships even if they are simply hell! Only out of fear that they will be left alone; they remain attached.” When will these people open their eyes to practice this solitude that should already be born with them?
Solitude can even be used positively in moments of meditation, concentration, introspection or individual prayer to help the person achieve a state of peace, comfort and also exercise self-knowledge. Another benefit of spending time alone is the perception of freedom, since third parties could place infinite restrictions on your way of being, acting and even thinking, however this has no effect on the person in solitude.
Have you ever heard that, little by little, you “keep to yourself” a little bit of each person you live with and that this can change you? This is true and the people around you can also influence you in your choices and actions; with the increased freedom generated by solitude, a person's choices are less likely to be affected by interaction with other people. According to psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, freedom from distractions has the potential to stimulate creativity, and this claim was made after it was discovered in 1994 that teenagers who can't stand being alone often stop growing creative talent.
Through solitude, above all, the development of the self becomes something common in "lonely" people, as they come to understand that they have the necessary autonomy to experience changes in the way they see themselves, forming or discovering their true identity, for external judgment does not exist or is minimal. Solitude provides a healthy time for contemplation and the growth of personal spirituality, as well as self-evaluation.
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While many positive effects can arise through this state of being, it is necessary to keep in mind that balance is the key to everything in this life; that is, moments of solitude are necessary, but social time cannot be drastically reduced or simply cease to exist. Reclusion can trigger physiological responses that increase health risks, so it has to be very well thought out and planned, so as not to be a trigger for shyness or social rejection.
In order to benefit from this practice, try to make an appointment with yourself every day. It can be through a walk, having lunch alone, going to the gym, while practicing meditation or trying to stay in the room in silence for a few minutes, as this is the time when you will be able to rethink your actions of the day and you will also be able to hear some thoughts. who hide when there are too many people around them. Having alone time is essential for your intimate development and for strengthening your emotional intelligence. Besides, from solitude you can always learn something.
If you've heard of mindfulness - or the mindfulness method - this is a great way to exercise your mind so you don't feel anxious, bored, or feel like your brain can't stop at times like this, when you need to stop thinking about it. listen to the outside world or disconnect from technologies to listen to yourself. Mindfulness is basically “anchoring” your attention to a single focus, such as the breath, the body and the nervous system and helps to lower stress levels.
“In the beginning you will feel miserable, because no one is there to tell you how beautiful you are. No one is there to say, "What a great artist you are!" There will be no one, only silence around you. But a little patience and a little attention not to be identified with the mind will bring about the great revolution that will make you truly a sannyasin.” said Osho, in his speech From Death to Deathlessness. It is hard work, which takes a lot of patience and time, because for some people, being alone is so unthinkable that it can generate real panic. By training your ability to be alone, you begin to relax and even feel satisfied with no one else around. Spending more time with yourself increases your ability to recognize the strengths you have in your life, as well as understand your strengths and weaknesses.
Unfortunately, not everyone around you will understand your state of solitude and some will even respect your decision, but as the philosophy of this practice teaches, you will only do it for yourself, to get to know yourself, to admire yourself and to discover how it's your true face when no one is looking. So don't be afraid to be alone, because no one will ever enjoy your company as much as yourself. You just haven't figured it out yet.
