A legion of people have wonderful memories of their grandparents. They are affectionate and tell very funny stories that sharpen their grandchildren's curiosity and adventurous spirit. If it was just that, it would be good, but there's still grandma's cornmeal cake and the games with grandpa. Ask anyone about a vacation at their grandparents' house and get ready for pleasant stories filled with laughter. The truth is one, while the parents' house is a barracks full of rules, while the grandparents' house is a "parallel world", where treats are allowed before meals and pranks are encouraged.
Children love the freedom given by their grandparents. The kids come home and want to sleep and wake up late, spend all day watching television and eat chocolate all the time. When they return home, the parents are uncomfortable, worried and see their authority threatened by so much permissiveness. And they are not exaggerating. Grandparents don't mean it, however, letting grandchildren so loose is unhealthy. Children grow up without limits, not to mention that it can generate conflict in the family. See the biggest sins committed by grandparents.
- Give the child something to eat
Food is closely linked to affectivity. Grandmothers are adept at delicious foods, especially sweets. Grandmothers always welcome their grandchildren with high-calorie cakes and pies. The kids take advantage of the fact that they don't have their mother's “boring” close by and kill themselves. Sweets are delicious, but in excess it is bad for your teeth and causes overweight, diabetes and hypertension. We know how much you love your grandchildren, but taking care of food is an infinitely healthier way to show affection.
- Medicate the children on their own
Grandparents know foolproof recipes for everything. Fever, stomachache… However, be very careful with self-medication. Taking medicine on its own masks the problem and can result in poisoning. Ask the parents if the child takes a long-term medication or if he or she is allergic to any medication.
- Ridiculing parental decisions
Disagree yes, make fun of decisions, not even think about it! Mean comments, even more in front of others is a tremendous lack of respect. When grandparents don't agree with parents, the best thing to do is to have a meeting for everyone to share their views.
- Not respecting parents' religion
Many people change their religion. Others are nowhere to be found. Whatever the case, grandparents should not impose their beliefs. If parents decide to raise children away from religious rites, the decision needs to be respected. For example, when the grandparents are Catholic, it is extremely impolite to force their grandchildren to be baptized. They can explain why they consider this act important, but they should never shove it down their throats. Religion or the lack of it is always a backdrop for family conflicts.
- Going out with the kids unannounced
That is wrong! Imagine desperate parents without news, thinking about the worst things. Grandparents and Grandparents, please notify parents if you are going out with their grandchildren. Say where you're going and the round-trip times. Grandparents who walk with their grandchildren need to have a cell phone to facilitate communication.
imposing limits
Many parents prefer to leave their children with their grandparents. Knowing that the children are with someone in the family brings security. However, they should not be seen as luxury baby sitters. On the other hand, grandparents are not allowed to do as they please, just because they are older. They need to understand that fulfilling all the grandchildren's wishes creates four problems:
1- Parents feel incapable of raising their children
2- Children can lose respect and affection for their parents
3- Children grow without limits
4- Fights in family: parents and grandparents vie for children's preference
To impose limits, a frank conversation between parents and grandparents. Each party expresses their point of view, however, parents should make it clear that the grandmother and grandfather have the role of helping in the creation, without defying established guidelines. It is the parents' objective to explain that grandparents do a lot of harm to their grandchildren and the family as a whole when they adopt a permissive posture. In this frank and respectful conversation, parents should also ask grandmothers and grandfathers not to call children “son” or “daughter”. This confuses the child's head. Call your grandchildren by name, or by variants such as “my dear”, “my little love”, etc.
We are nowhere near a campaign against grandparents. In fact, they play a very important role in raising grandchildren. Anyone who had the joy of living with their grandmother or grandfather knows this. Research has already proven the benefits of this coexistence. The University of Oxford in Great Britain analyzed 1,5 children and adolescents between 11 and 16 years old. Those who enjoyed the company of grandparents were emotionally healthier.
Benefits of living with grandparents
Interaction helps children solve relationship problems at school among other situations. Advice awakens the ability to reflect, consequently providing self-knowledge. Another benefit is the stimulation of the imagination. By listening to old stories, children get to know their parents in depth and break the distance between them. Those who live with their grandparents learn to respect their elders. This contact makes the child understand the points of view, and especially the limitations.
Good for grandparents too
Living together also offers benefits for grandparents. They become more physically and psychologically active, which brings the delicious feeling of feeling useful. The grandchildren present and invite grandmothers and grandfathers to enjoy the technological innovations. This is how seniors learn to operate a computer and master social networks. Learning reduces the distance between grandparents and grandchildren and presents a new world, where it is possible to shop without leaving home, make friends and have more information about healthy living. Such agitation wards off an ailment common to people over 60, depression.
Living together to live together forever
A good relationship between parents and grandparents brings advantages to the family.
Fathers and mothers work with peace of mind knowing that their children are in good hands. If the contact is only during the holidays, there is also the certainty that the parents' decisions will be respected. Like any relationship, this one too is built gradually and takes a bit of work. With dedication, coexistence gains healthy contours and the education of children gains an important reinforcement. We list valuable tips on how grandmothers and grandfathers can contribute to raising their grandchildren.
Spend a few days at home in baby's first week
The company of an experienced mother in the first days goes very well, especially for newbies. Grandmothers should pass on their knowledge without belittling the fears and doubts of moms. Criticism of the parents' lifestyle, imposition of changes on the house are unnecessary. Comments like this only burden the busy routine of moms in the first few days after giving birth. The presence of grandmothers should convey tranquility. Mothers need to feel that they are supported by an experienced person.
Attention: grandmothers must be invited by their mothers, never come home by surprise, this is extremely inelegant.
Give child care tips
The grandmother can teach the best way to position the baby during breastfeeding, explain the difference between hunger and colic cries and how to burp. When the child is grown, the grandmother teaches how not to give in to tantrums and how to be patient with the child. There may be a clash of generations and you may not agree on some things, however, it is up to the mother to filter the information and absorb what she finds interesting. Fighting because you don't agree with opinions is a waste of time.
Align ducts
Grandparents set rules for their home, but they have to respect those set by parents. To avoid conflicts, everyone needs to talk and determine common rules for both houses. Bedtime is a common denominator, nowhere can the child stay up late. For the time away from home to be beneficial, parents and grandparents must make allowances for the well-being of their children.
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Wait for your opinion
The ideal is to give opinions only when they are requested. However, if they witness unpleasant situations, grandparents can show their dissatisfaction, always with great respect and without making comparisons. A misplaced sentence can trigger a fight of unimaginable proportions for the family. Nobody wants a breakup over an opinion, do they?
update yourself
Child care has changed a lot. In the past, corporal punishment was essential to teach right and wrong. Today, psychologists and educators defend dialogue as a fundamental tool for good creation. In the old days, healthy children were chubby and full of folds. Today, obesity is a disease that paves the way for other diseases. Grandparents need to catch up on what it's like to care for a child these days. Reading specialized magazines, searching websites and going to the pediatrician's appointment are lessons for grandmothers and grandfathers.
talk to the child
Grandparents impart patience, so grandchildren love talking to grandma or grandpa. During childhood, the subjects are difficulties with school activities and problems with friends. In adolescence, the themes are going out with friends and first crushes. Over the years, the conversations between grandparents and grandchildren will collide with the famous “clash of generations”, even so, this dialogue is important to strengthen ties.
Attention: during the conversation, never make negative comments about the parents. When the child says "my mother is boring", don't answer "and make it boring", the comment seems harmless, however, it is extremely harmful.
Happy for those who can live with their grandparents. The games, the cornmeal cake, the stories and the complicity give a special taste to life. These unique creatures are important to the whole family. In difficult times their wisdom brings rationality and calms the mood. An almost impossible task is to find someone who has never asked for grandma's or grandpa's lap.
Parents who work outside the home place their children in the care of their grandparents. In the midst of so much bad news about babysitting assaults, it's comforting to know that the kids are with family members. But in every relationship there are problems. Some grandparents believe that their knowledge is superior to that of their parents and they despise the upbringing that is more guided by dialogue.
Grandparents teach lifelong lessons. The first and perhaps most important of these is respect for age-related limitations. Among the tangible teachings, grandchildren can acquire the pleasure of reading, learn to contemplate nature and bake a cake.
These are simple things, but they will make all the difference in a child's life.
The relationship between grandparents and grandchildren is an inexhaustible exchange. The older ones pass on their values, while the younger ones transmit vitality, teach the wonders of technology and other modernities. The older ones feel useful and able to face new challenges, so much so that the spirit is rejuvenated, while the younger ones absorb maturity to deal with their conflicts. It can be said that self-knowledge is the keyword of this delicious relationship. Each discovers more about themselves and goes above and beyond to gift the other with positivity and energy.
In such a fast-paced world, the participation of grandparents is super important. Their patience is a balm in this sea of ​​immediacy that consumes us. Parents should not deprive their children of this socializing because they do not agree with the opinions. Differences are common and welcome, however, they need to be overcome for children's emotional development. Parents and grandparents can turn to family therapy to learn how to deal with conflict and bring out the best in the relationship between grandchildren and grandparents. You will see that the effort was worth it when your child returns smiling from their home and when you feel that grandparents are allies in this difficult mission that is to raise a human being.
