Yesterday, after work, I came home, physically and psychologically exhausted (exhausted is different from tired, exhaustion is linked with discouragement and desire for isolation), my body felt heavy and slow, in the process of petrification, stiffened, my head wanted to enter a dark hole and stay there for hours , the night was rainy, as it has been for the last few weeks. All factors pointed and almost ordered me to stay where I was, sitting on the couch, feeling all that anguish and lack of courage, watching the rain run through the window, waiting for another day to end, doing exactly what it would be “logical” to do. Pragmatic and boring.
I descend the stairs from the fifth floor to the ground floor, my physical struggle is already well under way, but with each step I advance, my mind starts its work, blackmails me, scourges me and asks me: “Why are you doing this? The weather is bad, you've worked all day, you deserve to be on the couch! The street is super dangerous, you can be robbed, run over or, even worse, it will rain again and you will get lightning in the head, España is the country that most people die from lightning, you know?”.
Finally I get to the gate, start the warm-up, which is very simple, breathe and concentrate, it's like I'm warning my whole body: “Get ready, let's run in 3, 2, 1.. Go!”. The first steps are like a clock that starts its mechanism, each gear has a fundamental role for everything to work in the most fluid way possible, Constant “TIC-TAC”, at that moment, my mind already shows the first frankness, but continues to play CONTRA, she says: “It's ok, since you left the house, just go to that corner and come back, it's good! Dude, you're fine, no need to do this, come back, go! Want to taste what? Xiii, it started to rain, huh, let's go back!”. As I ignore these impulses and her pleas, my body rocks, the endorphin release starts and the game starts to turn: “Wow, this is awesome! Let's run a little faster!? Step on that puddle over there, it's going to be cool! Raise your arms, line up that torso, you're good! Faster, faster!”
I run to the nearest track, I already feel light, the steps are natural and from that moment on I have control over my body and mind, from then on I start to enjoy the activity which, after a while of practice, becomes as pleasurable as playing video games or eating pizza. I appreciate the landscape and observe everything that happens in the street and around me, in this moment of appreciation, I am passed by another corridor, inside me another battle begins: "What was this? Did this guy pass us? We will leave?" X “Okay guys, it's okay, we're heading back now, let it go! The foot is still not 100%, this is not for us! The guy is 'fine cinnamon', we don't have a chance!”. All this in a fraction of a second, I choose to accept the challenge and hug the guy, the chase lasts for 2km, at the end of the “split”, I greet the guy, thank him for being my partner and I head home. The guy did 4:30 for 1km, I almost died, but it was worth it, it was a good fight!
On the way home, I ran light and free, I like to run without a cell phone, without music, without money, without anything, just my keys. And as I'd imagined, on the way back, the rain poured down on me, a hard, cold, invigorating rain. I arrived at the door of the house, took a deep breath…
All our lives, we are subjected to this duality, that throws us from one side to the other, trying to manipulate us into doing what is not always the best for you, at times, almost sabotage, it's like two children disputing the same toy. I don't hold any truth, but I say, from deep and felt experience, that what we can do is educate and discipline this duality so that it works for you, not against you, energies directed in the same direction.
You may also like the author's other articles: Ghost House, Ghost Mind
