By Anne Moon. Sao Paulo, January 06, 2020
Who has never received social labels? In the society we live in, we have this need to name things, because when we name them, we have control over them.
Realize that when we don't know something, we are afraid, because in a way it has a control over us, but when we come to know, we exercise control, we lose fear.
It's the same with labels. We have the need to label people and things, because, as I said, it is by naming that we begin to exercise control. It's something very unconscious, and that's how society progressed and evolved.
Hence this need to name things, even those labels we already know.
"Donkey"; "intelligent"; "puritanical"; "vulgar"; "arrogant"; "humble".
And from that to worse, much worse, that doesn't fit here in this space — the audience of the website “Eu Sem Fronteiras”. But you understood what I meant, right?
Anyway, when they give us some label, we get angry, with the desire to curse the person, to react, isn't it?
But, before we judge her, before reacting, we have to be more rational and empathetic, because sometimes it's not even on purpose, out of malice, but it's automatic. As I said, we do it without knowing it.
But those who do it really out of malice, we can't react at first either, get irritated to the point of not being able to reflect on their own actions, not being able to make decisions on their own, not being able to rationalize about what is happening and not "intrude." foot in hand”, act impulsively. Of course, as I always say, it's not being passive and permissive with these types of attitudes. It is not validating, either by being indifferent, choosing to be silent or actively acting against, “braking” the person. Well, yes, there are people who label others being aware of what they are doing and project onto others what they see within themselves. Then it is much easier to externally project something on us that is not cool than to face and deal with our personal issues. Yet another reason to be very reasonable when taking action.
Our time is too valuable to be wasted on something that is not worth it, Leandro Karnal already said this in a lecture. If this label is true, why be angry with it, react and fight back? If that label is a liar, why be angry with it?
Of course you can act, take action. Silence can be an action. It's magical, it brings answers, it allows you to be centered on what's in front of you. Anyone who meditates knows what I'm talking about. But also when you silence, it's an answer being given too, there's no continuity.
Of course, in these situations where we are being labeled, sometimes it will be necessary to give a proper and direct answer.
First, don't take anything personally, this relieves a lot of the tension of the moment and allows you to rationalize. This is an observation the person made about you, it is not the absolute truth and it could even be that they are externally projecting something they see in themselves that they have not yet dealt with. Anyway, she talks about herself.
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When a person labels another, he is basically talking about himself, something he sees in himself and, as was said at the beginning of the article, there is this need to name, label things and people in order to have power over, exercise control, through fear. of the unknown, of what is not yet controlled.
Therefore, the best way to get out of this situation is to disarm the person, remembering the rules of communication. In communication there are two so-called “faces of communication”, the social face and the personal face, which is about how the image of the person will be affected in front of other people and how the image of the person is, must be preserved, and vice versa. back That is, not having speeches or attitudes that harm the other person or yourself. Buddha even talked about it in the sutras, so that we don't have inappropriate attitudes toward ourselves and others.
The best way to deal with this, other than silence or an actual response, is to give a good-natured response. So you preserve yourself, preserve the other person and still relieve the moment. Of course, if the other gets annoyed with the humorous response, then this has a lot to do with herself, you don't have control over the reaction of others, but you can control how you will react in life situations.
You should always keep in mind the origin of this labeling habit and that it is not about you but about herself, it is not always something personal. It's almost never personal. The ego makes us think that everything and everyone conspires against us, thinking that everything is about us.
When we react, we are giving power to the other, which is exactly the purpose of labels.
As I said, it is not to attack us directly, but there is something very inherent in society, whoever has more power, dictates the rules. This also happens in the world of animals. The strongest and most powerful prevail over the weakest.
The strongest lead and the weakest seek leadership. Realize that we are inspired and influenced by who we see as leaders, we will unconsciously follow those we see as strong, because they are the ones we trust.
Leadership and strength here is not about authoritarianism and physical imposition on others. It's about being an authority, being confident, influential and eloquent.
This is something that is already natural. When you are an authority on a certain subject, you have ownership in what you speak, you act with confidence, you have good communication, both in your speech and in your behavior, you exert influence. People will buy every idea you sell to them because it comes from you.
All living beings feel the need for leadership, this is how a society is maintained, so much so that in any government, there is that ruler of the highest office who will represent a population. In the case of a presidential democratic republic, we elect a president who, according to our concepts, will lead us, represent us.
But this subject of power will be left for a next article.
I brought a very simplified version of power, because in life there is always a power game, hence the need to name and label things. When we don't know something, he has a power over us and that game changes when we get to know him. Knowledge is power and what has the most power stands out.
It comes from millennia, it's ingrained in us. Whether you agree with it or not, that's how it's been formed. We have this need to exert control over others, because it is already instinctive that we must have the strongest in control and the need to have someone leading us, be an influence on our decisions, who we shape ourselves, who inspires us. .
