When a woman becomes a mother, her life changes completely. Your desires, your priorities, your way of thinking and acting, the way you dress and even your way of relating to others, be it your partner, family and friends… reborn along with motherhood. With this rebirth also come new demands from society that have nothing to do with the life of that new mother, but that demand a lot from her: the way she dresses, the way she raises her child and the choices she makes. .
Society's demands on mothers, especially single mothers, start from the birth of the baby. The way the baby comes into the world is the basis for judging a mother: normal birth, cesarean, humanized or not. Breastfeeding, the color of the child's clothes, pierced ears, everything the mother does or does not do is reason for judgment when, in fact, it is the moment when the woman needs help the most, but doesn't know, in most of the time, how to ask. The puerperium is difficult, the woman's reconnection with her body, with her baby, the sleepless nights, the cesarean stitches healing, all of this hurts a lot, but nothing hurts more than the eyes of a society demanding that the mother do that what others think is right or wrong.
The collection and judgments only on mothers
The great problem of society is to think that the mother should live exclusively for her son and leave her profile as a woman, daughter and friend aside. The woman does not die with motherhood. Her personal and individual desires remain with her; with a little less priority, but they exist. Mothers also need to talk, go out, vent and have fun; not only do they need it, they deserve it, and that doesn't diminish them as a mother, on the contrary! This humanizes them even more. Society is used to putting the weight of motherhood on the woman's shoulders while the man continues with his free leisure; when he plays his role of father and partner, he is seen as the “daddy” or the “good father”, being that he is doing nothing more than his obligation as a father.
The woman who for her life projects, donates her body, takes care, breastfeeds and spends sleepless nights is frowned upon when she goes out with her friends or when she feels good with a new outfit that enhances her body, while the man, who does not lose a Sunday football with friends, when changing the poop diaper is almost a miracle on Earth, and then the justifications arise: “Oh, but he's a man, isn't he?”. IT IS? And? He is a man and that mother is a woman; both are human beings, both are individuals with wants and needs that they share with an infinite responsibility: a child.
A simple example of the weight that society places on women but not on men in relation to a child is when both are in a place having fun and someone asks the mother: “Where is your child?”, as if the mother were a irresponsible to be there away from the child, because the same does not happen with the father. Nobody sees a parent having fun and asks the same question, have you noticed that? This is the first of many examples that we have when we expose the behaviors of the society we live in that we urgently need to change.
The challenges of single mothers
Solo mothers are mothers who alone assume the responsibility of raising, loving and educating their children. This new term exists to replace the formerly used form of “single mother” which, in addition to being wrong, was prejudiced. A great evolution in the lives of single mothers, given that a mother is a mother and that's it, it's not a marital status. Whether she's single, girlfriend or married doesn't matter to anyone, and it shouldn't be tied to the fact that she's a mother. This denomination encompasses all types of modern mothers in a respectful and conscious way. Adopt that term for your life.
The eyes of society for a single mother have been changing and improving, as the example of the term mentioned above, but this is still reflected a lot in the way they see the mother, as if the child she had was an act of irresponsibility or a giant mistake. in his life and only in his life, ignoring his father's neglect. Society points all fingers at the mother, who is the one who dedicates her life and energy to the development of her child, charging her every day as if she were wrong, while the father, or rather the parent, abstained from responsibility and did not he does absolutely nothing, going about his life without stopping working and studying, without losing sleep, without caring for the child or the mother.
The idea of ​​raising awareness of society with each passing day is to change this look and this way of acting with single mothers. Instead of judging, welcome. Instead of asking, support. Motherhood, by itself, puts too much blame on the woman. Whatever pain you can lessen in the life of a single mother, believe me, it will make all the difference to mother and child.
perfect mothers
The idea of ​​perfect motherhood idealized by society has been broken every day. Mothers are not perfect and no one is, that's a fact. No matter how much effort a woman makes to get everything right with her child, she will always make mistakes, and this is normal, it happens to mothers of all families, in all ages and circumstances. Each house, each family and each child is unique, as is the relationship that exists, so there is no magic formula or instruction manual to create a human being. Consequently, there is no such thing as a perfect mother. The perfect mother theory, what an irony, falls apart.
The love of a son for his mother is unconditional, and this is the fuel that this woman needs and has to be a better person every day. Not perfect, but the best within what it already is. Even the most devoted, caring and thoughtful mother has her bad days. She's human! We all have bad days. Tiredness beats, the breasts full of milk, the child's incessant crying, the toys scattered around the house, the distant husband, the family that loves to throb... All this is tiring. How to maintain perfection in life with so many aspects to deal with and still smile at each new phase of your child? Creating a support network.
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The support network is the lap that the mother needs. Someone to support her, to welcome her without judging, to make her accept the mistakes and successes of motherhood. Seeking help from loved ones is part of mothering, as is seeking psychological help and knowledge about motherhood. The mother's humility in learning and always wanting to evolve must also exist to make the evolutionary process less painful.
So when you watch a happy mother away from her children, spare her your prying questions and your mean comments, because you don't know what she's been through or what she's going through. That moment, for her, can be one of the few moments of leisure away from motherhood. She deserves it too. If you are a mother, feel hugged and welcomed in all your choices. If you're not a mother, respect the struggle you don't know, whatever it is.
Happy Mothers Day. Namaste!
