When we are in a relationship, we will inevitably seek to fill our needs and we end up frustrated because the other person does not meet our needs, on the contrary, he usually puts us in front of those dark parts that live inside us. But why does that happen if we just want to be loved? Why is it so difficult not to project our own difficulties onto others and struggle with them? Why is it so difficult to build a partnership that increases our self-esteem and that of the other? Our relationship pattern comes from our parents and our childhood.
As we observe the relationship between our parents, we will establish the pattern of relationship that we will have. The difficult situations that we experienced as children and how we felt at that time are etched in our brain and will manifest in the relationship with the other. The other is our mirror and the more intimate the relationship. the more we will reflect our difficulties with ourselves and our past on our partner. We will demand from the other what we lacked, we will see in the other everything we hide in ourselves. This is inevitable and is the reason why we see, and often experience, abusive relationships, with displaced feelings (which are so intense that they don't correspond to the present moment), relationships full of fights and arguments.
And what's the solution? Is it looking for a new partner? This answer only you can give, but one thing is for sure, this is a pattern of relationship that will repeat itself in the next one. I'm not saying here that if you're being spanked, you have to stay in the relationship in order to learn. You can end this relationship. But until you heal, the pattern will repeat itself in different ways in other relationships. So, the answer is to look for self-knowledge, self-awareness, look for some kind of treatment, and today there are many that help you to heal these difficult situations in childhood and the pattern of relationship that you acquired from your parents.
You may also like
- Find out what factors determine your self-esteem
- Learn 15 exercises that will help you develop your self-knowledge
- Discover how to cultivate a more harmonious relationship
And, in addition to healing yourself individually, you can use the relationship as a healing mechanism, when you observe what bothers you and what you judge in the other, you can get to know yourself through the other, realizing that these are your shadows, learning to respect them and integrate them, growing, evolving. The more we know and accept who we are and who the other is, the more we feel good and comfortable in our own skin, and in our relationship. Improving your self-esteem in the relationship requires individual and partnership work, it is much more than having someone to talk to, kiss and walk, it is having a partnership of evolution in life.
