“Please repeat again: how big is your library again?” a passionately asked woman asks a smartly dressed man in a popular sapiosexuality meme. But do you know what this term means and what characterizes people who are sapiosexual?
To clear your doubts and make you understand once and for all what sapiosexuality is, we have prepared a full article on the subject to explore every detail regarding this topic.
Sex, gender, sexual orientation…
Those who are more attuned to the LGBTQIA+ universe even see it as obvious to distinguish the concepts of this subtitle, but the truth is that those who do not closely follow the discussions and constant progress on this topic can be a little lost in relation to their concepts, so it is important to do some basic context.
- Sex: defined by the person's genitals, that is, it is male if you have a penis and the male reproductive system or female if you have a vagina and the female reproductive system;
- Gender: defined by the way a person sees himself in the world, regardless of his gender. Someone can be biologically male (sex), but see themselves as female (gender), whatever the physical, emotional, social, psychological or sentimental reasons that make them identify with the female gender;
- Sexual orientation: defined by the type of person someone is attracted to. If you are attracted to people of the same sex, you are homosexual; by people of the opposite sex, heterosexual; by people of both sexes, bisexual; by no person, asexual.
And where does sapiosexuality come in?
It is undeniable that currently, if we compare it to the last century of history, we live in times when there is more openness and space to discuss sexuality and its countless diversities. While some argue that only heterosexual, homosexual, asexual and bisexual are possible sexual orientations, there are people who include details about sexual orientation, such as the type of person they are attracted to, if they have a pattern.
And it is in this context that sapiosexuals enter.
What is sapiosexuality?
Sapiosexuals are people who consider intelligence the most important sexual trait when it comes to being attracted to someone. This does not mean that physical attraction, compatibility and other issues are not taken into account by sapiosexuals, it just means that this is an essential trait for them, that is, it is practically impossible for them to have a relationship with people they do not consider intelligent.
In a way, therefore, we can say that sapiosexuality is a type of sexual orientation that can be combined with other orientations, for example: a person can be both heterosexual and sapiosexual, that is, they relate to people of the opposite sex, as long as they they have a preponderant intelligence, which attracts.
How did this term come about?
The origin of the word sapiosexuality or the adjective sapiosexual is controversial. They've been around for a long time, especially in the United States, but an "official" milestone for their use came in 2014, when dating app/site OkCupid added "sapiosexual" as a type of possible sexual orientation in its list. platform, as well as other types of sexual orientation less restricted to homo/heto/bi etc.
From the introduction of that time on the OkCupid platform, we can say that it became popular – or, as they say in modern parlance, it became mainstream. “It's an interesting way for our users – the more intellectual ones – to research and introduce themselves to the rest of the site,” explained Bernadette Libonate, spokesperson for OkCupid.
From this popularization of the word, it gained importance to the point of being discussed in psychology and other human sciences. The same year it was added to OkCupid, a blog post by the traditional Merriam-Webster dictionary discussed adding the word to its pages, which only happened in September 2020.
sapiosexuality today
Some say that being sapiosexual has become a “trend”, given the popularization of this term in digital media, but the truth is that this indicates something very good: people are having more knowledge and more flexibility to explore the full potential of sexuality.
On OkCupid, for example, more than 10 people identify as sapiosexual. On Tumblr, Facebook and Instagram there are hundreds of pages dedicated to discussing this subject with texts, images and videos. “It's beautiful when we find someone who strips their conscience and makes love to their thoughts”, reads a very popular post on these networks. Another shows a couple having sex while reading books. Yes, there is a lot of romanticization and fetishization of the term, but the truth is that content like this is more metaphorical than literal.
Is Sapiosexuality New?
Although the term has become popular today, this concept is not exactly a novelty in the world of human relations. According to Lora Adair, a professor of evolutionary psychology at Lyon College, in the United States, men and women want intelligence in stable relationships is nothing new.
"When it comes to identifying traits that are like 'necessary' for us when looking for long-term mates, men and women of different sexual orientations tend to place intelligence and kindness above other sexually attractive attributes such as physical attractiveness." she explains.
You may also like
- Asexuality: Do You Know Exactly What It Is?
- Why are we attracted to the wrong people?
- Reflect on the gender gap in society
- It is necessary to understand transsexuality to end prejudice!
- Can sexual orientation change throughout life?
In addition, she highlights another phenomenon as a catalyst for the popularization of sapiosexuality: the change in general culture. If before books, movies, series, comics and other types of artistic content were seen as marginalized and the people who consumed them were seen as “different”, today all this is very fashionable. Who doesn't know Harry Potter? Who doesn't watch the series of the moment on Netflix?
According to the professor, the truth is that intelligence, in the sense of literature, philosophy and other similar content, is being consumed more, which makes it more accepted and people look for peers who have similar tastes.
But what is intelligence?
Another important question – and one that should be central to the debate on sapiosexuality: what is intelligence? For someone who studies physics and enjoys discussing this subject, it can be impossible to relate to someone who doesn't understand the basics of this discipline, while a music lover might not consider someone who doesn't know how to name 10 Beatles songs intelligent.
The concept of intelligence is broad and quite subjective, so it is impossible to reduce this discussion to defining, in a generalized way, who is or is not intelligent. Every sapiosexual is sapiosexual in his own way, therefore. More examples: A sapiosexual might say they're attracted to someone who's nerdy and has watched every Marvel movie. Another sapiosexual, for his part, might say that he is only attracted to those who watch non-American or cult films, because blockbuster productions “are not real art”.
Okay, what if I'm sapiosexual?
Sexual orientation is not a label. You may have seen at least one case of a person who considered himself to be heterosexual most of his life, but at some point identified as homosexual. It happens and it's normal. Throughout life and because of the experiences we have, the characteristics that attract us change as we change too, so sexual orientation is fluid.
If you find that the definition of sapiosexual fits the way you are attracted to other people, you may (or may not) define yourself that way. No one is going to make you do it and it probably won't change anything about who you are. Maybe bring you closer to people who do you good, but remember to always be yourself.
Always thinking about what attracts us and the type of person we want by our side is essential in the journey of self-knowledge, so that we know ourselves more and more and seek to find more and more satisfaction, happiness and contentment in our life.
So, what do you think of the concept of sapiosexuality? Does it fit your personality and the way you are attracted to the people who interest you and who you hang out with? Share with us your thoughts and experience on this!
