In the first place, we are not educated to relate harmoniously and consciously with our partners. Women, for example, for a long time grew up hearing from their parents that they should behave or not impose themselves too much, after all, men do not like this type of empowered woman, thus being able to push them away. Furthermore, women could not dedicate themselves too much to work or earn more than “he”, as they had to balance their lives between children, home, career and so on. The woman is also educated, for the most part, to be kind and affectionate with her partner, even if he is not with her. Society is also often responsible for dictating that we need to be beautiful, hot, powerful and sexually attractive (for them!).
Is the man? Ah, the man is always taught to be the stud, not to cry, to be tough, sexually (always) active and the provider. They know little about his feelings, as they were often limited to that. His beginnings in sex life are based on men's magazines and porn of very low quality.
These aspects, unfortunately, still make up a scenario for a large percentage of the world's population, although it used to be much worse. On the other hand, there is no doubt that, in adult life, all these elements are repeated exhaustively.
For these and other reasons, yes, it takes affective reeducation, willpower and dedication to be in a relationship, whatever the gender the person identifies with. Sharing the essence with someone, knowing how to let go, giving in, not looking only at your own belly button and still having a life independent of your partner are not taught tasks! We need to focus, strive and conquer our own space.
The love demand, at first, lacks a focus on emotions, to better understand them, but we don't usually value it, do we?
Secondly, the issue of being in a relationship is a delicate one, as we live in a world that prioritizes speed, money, what is materially constructed, while scarcity for more subjective matters, such as dealing with deep feelings, silencing and pondering, increases exponentially. The answer to this reality is the fact that people seem to be no longer available to the other, since they are also not available to themselves.
It doesn't seem to me that it is interesting for society that we grow up knowing how to value our basic instincts and with intuition. We can barely survive ourselves. For many, loneliness is a sign of sadness, which is also sad.
Being alone and enjoying your own company are two situations that should be taught in early childhood, as well as meditating, breathing, having fun and pleasurable hobbies and a pleasant life, regardless of the other. Starting from this basic assumption, we find the key that imprisons us so much: the fear of loneliness.
Third, and still controversial, I hear many people complain about not being in a relationship, whether it's because of fear of being alone, wanting to fit into a social standard, or for some other reason. On the other hand, there are people who want to leave a relationship, because it is toxic, comfortable or simply worn out. The reasons do not matter, as the fact is that people are creating greater and greater barriers for themselves. Building huge walls to camouflage your precious feelings and that changes everything.
Try being the Star card (of the tarot) in a deep act of exposure and undressing before the other, being yourself, naked and raw. Undressing for the other is an arduous task and I don't mean ripping your clothes off, because that's the easy part. Reflection is great. It is no small thing…
Who said it would be easy to be in a relationship?
The fact is, it never is! Of course, however, that doesn't mean we need to give up sharing our life with someone. A relationship for two requires daily contact, eye to eye, well-being, care and a bit of self-love (and for the “bae”). As I already mentioned, in addition to the act of lovingly relating to someone, self-care and self-love are unique.
It takes a lot of waist play. After all, no relationship is composed only of lilies, daisies, roses or sunflowers… No, no, no.
There will always be thorns or weeds to pull out and, like a flower, you have to water, take care of, dedicate time and put it in the sun to nourish, but know how to take it out of the sun so it doesn't burn. This is Love.
Without that, be amazed: the thing doesn't work!
And, when taking care of someone, it is necessary to listen, affection, skill, complicity, good sex, company, kiss on the mouth, constant DI Á LOGO and friendship.
- Psychological facts to understand better
- Affective relationships without borders
- Glad there is someone better than you!
- See the powers of women and get inspired!
- Know the types of abuse women experience
- Empathy: discover its great importance
Be affection, conquer affection. Have faith in yourself, in the relationship and in humanity. Learn to transmute your dark feelings to bright ones, hug them often, say what you feel and create that fascinating connection that it is to be in communion with someone (including yourself). Remember that we are all primarily integral, and then we become complementary.
Being in a relationship doesn't mean not being alone, but being happy in the company of the other or with yourself.
