In the old days, but not too long ago, children left home earlier because they married younger or because they had reached an age where they morally felt that they should leave or contribute financially at home. Whatever it was, they did everything they could to keep up. They also used to acknowledge all the parents' attitudes and efforts.
The vast majority of parents did not measure efforts for the education of their offspring, not as an obligation, but imbued with acts of love that often took place within very difficult contexts.
I have older patients who remember offering part of their first paycheck to their parents as gratitude. Another patient, as soon as he became more wealthy, bought a new car for his father, as he would not be able to change the one he had, which was quite worn out. Children recognized many sacrifices that parents made in the name of giving the best to them and constantly exercised acts of gratitude, after all they were getting older and deserved more attention and comfort. These new adults knew they had youth and a whole life ahead of them, so they weren't selfish and had the ability to see each other.
Young people today, when asked about financial abuses they may be committing towards their parents, still dare to say that they did not ask to be born and that it is their obligation to take care of them, regardless of age.
Today's parents have become eternal debtors of their children, who, in this aspect, are unfortunately quite infantilized, not to say sick. Even those who don't speak openly behave as if it were the parents' duty to keep them at an age where it would be shameful not to afford it. These young people could even go through some difficulties, as many of their parents did at the beginning of their lives and survived.
Note that I am not talking about syndromic children on this topic, but “common” children of our time, but who, in my view, are also quite ill, with the disease of exaggerated narcissism added to an infinite selfishness. Most of these rationalize parental causes and duties in their own name, forgetting where they came from and the efforts that went into raising them. They think everything came ready. On the cell phone, a screen opens and an image from the other side of the planet can immediately appear. Apparently, your emotional demands blindly rebel to this kind of affective immediacy, which is totally impossible.
And why don't today's parents rebel? Do they fear the threat of loss of love and the bad mood of their children? Could it be that these children, totally unconscious, would be working in a perverse way towards their parents, like the perverse narcissists of the XNUMXst century?
Today's parents, fearing this type of confrontation, become hostages to their children, so what was permissiveness and love turns into terror, blind devotion and fear.
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How to make these adult children become adults in a greater sense? Will life, by itself, do this service? Sometimes yes, but meanwhile time is passing, parents are aging and many are getting sick because of feelings of helplessness and sadness.
I hope that this brief article can help in the awakening of both parties and that new and better scenarios can be redesigned from the gain of consciousness.
May we live with more empathy, recognition and gratitude.
The more awake, the better!
