– The ability of someone to be able to recognize their own feelings and the feelings of others;
– Ability to self-motivate;
– Ability to positively manage our emotions and emotions concerning our relationships.
It is very difficult for anyone to develop these qualities without any help. Courses, readings and lectures can help you find some alternatives. Usually we sabotage ourselves, alleging a series of difficulties: lack of time, tight budget… However, the biggest difficulty is not just knowing ourselves to change what must be changed, but the fear of responsibility for our own happiness. For from the moment we become aware that things will change only if we take an attitude, uncertainty assails us.
Parents, teachers, friends all spend a lot of time telling us what to do. It is easier to agree – or rebel – with them, rather than working hard on yourself and discovering, with much effort and suffering, our truth.
A more suitable tool is the search for therapy. A competent therapist will not say “what” to do, on the contrary, he will help the person to develop their own ability to make and assume decisions, in the most lucid way possible and in the most appropriate way for the moment they are experiencing.
The opinion of others will not cease to have its value, only not to submit it to the rules of others, but to bring more information. This way you will better base your decisions or use this knowledge to clarify your paths.
A good therapeutic work, following the model of emotional intelligence, will help to increase emotional and social skills, through means such as:
Self-awareness: know what you are feeling at a given moment and use this knowledge in decision making. It is also about recognizing and clearly evaluating our abilities, which will develop a sense of self-confidence.
Self-regulation: it's being able to deal with our emotions (and not rejecting them) so that, instead of interfering with a task, they can facilitate it. It is being conscious to postpone a passing gratification, in order to reach a bigger goal, controlling your anxiety. Self-regulation still refers to the ability to recover from a period of stress.
Motivation: use our own interests and preferences to move and guide us towards our goals. Motivation helps us take initiative and strive for improvement, ensuring that we remain persevering in the face of setbacks and frustrations.
Empathy: have the sensitivity to listen to the other, know what the other feels and understand their perspective. It's being able to relate and tune in with other people, whatever the differences.
Social skills: handle emotions well in any relationship, recognizing different situations and communities. It is being able to interact avoiding conflicts, using social skills to persuade and lead, negotiate and settle disputes, working in groups in a cooperative way.
Therapy can help to reverse a series of decisions and behaviors that have been imposed on you by the family structure, friendships, society, etc. all the resulting benefits. In the therapeutic helping relationship, it is up to the therapist and you to reverse the cycle of old conditioning and develop your capacity for self-determination.
Developing emotional intelligence is not a magic trick and is not a guarantee of resolving every conflict. There will always be something around us that does not depend on our effort or will to solve. But being able to recognize this as true prevents your energy from being directed towards fruitless and exhausting attempts, allowing it to be used for your own benefit, making your life easier and that of the people who live around you. By consciously developing our abilities, we also help to create a better, fairer and more humane world.
References
“Working With Emotional Intelligence” – Daniel Goleman – Bantam Books, 1998;
“Why do Therapy?” – LuĂs CT de Freitas – Book Circle, 1990.
