We all need to be free, including in love.
Love and attachment may go hand in hand, but they are not the same thing. People misrepresent the idea of what freedom is in a relationship and its importance in the lives of all human beings.
Currently, freedom has been trivialized in relationships. People say that those who love take care, but in fact, they control. Some people still believe in the idea that loving freely is the same thing as not caring, and if you dare to be free in a relationship, it's only because you've embraced polyamory.
It is worth remembering that there is nothing wrong with polyamory when both parties are aware of the open relationship and agree to its conditions. Free love is a great option for people who don't mind having more than one relationship and don't even feel insecure about their partner doing the same.
The problem with this confusion is another, people do not believe that freedom enters into monogamy, even though it is fundamental in any healthy relationship. After all, this story of half the orange is outdated, we are whole people willing to walk alongside each other.
Being in a relationship doesn't mean depriving yourself of the world, much less ceasing to exist without the person you love. Detachment must exist for love to prevail without controlling the person. It is very important to point out that detachment is completely different from disinterest, a detached person is more independent and self-assured, while an indifferent person does not care to be present in their partner's life.
While love is not a choice, our relationships are. We are free beings and we choose to be with those we love. There are many people who love each other in the world and choose not to be together, loving someone does not give us the right to make that person stay in our lives.
When you get a new outfit that's comfortable and pretty to wear, you wear it, but you know that anyone can find it at a thrift store after it no longer fits. If the idea of your clothes no longer serving you frightens you, you have become attached to it, and if even after getting rid of the garment you do not accept it, it means that you have become dependent.
This fits perfectly with the idea of love and attachment in relationships. Although we appreciate the person we love, he is by our side today and we cannot depend on him because we do not know tomorrow.
To love is to know that the other can leave at any time and that this is a risk we all take, because we can also leave for another one day.
Enjoying the company of those you love is great, depending on it to be happy is attachment. Don't turn pleasure into suffering, that's a shortcut to pain. In any relationship it is essential to know how to be alone, if we do not enjoy our own company, we use the other as an emotional crutch. Dependence on others is by no means a positive thing, we should be happy with or without people around.
Get in your head 3 things that are essential for your relationship to be healthy:
Love shouldn't expect anything in return
Everything we do for other people, we do for ourselves. Don't expect the other to treat you the same way you treat them. Doing good does us good and does not require retribution. If it doesn't do you any good, stop now! Nobody is asking you for anything.
You don't own anyone
Respecting the freedom of others is respecting yourself. Don't deprive those who love you of being free, destroying the freedom of those you have by your side is destroying your love. Controlling will not make you possess the person, it will only push them away from your life, create insecurity and dissatisfaction and, who knows, even influence them to lie to you.
Dependency is not love
Don't get addicted to who you love, don't think you can control the person. Possession is born of dependence and can destroy your life. Being afraid of losing something you don't have is unnecessary, take the chance you have to make the person stay in your life on their own. It's much more pleasurable!
“Give the ones you love: wings to fly, roots to come back and reasons to stay.” (Dalai Lama)
Attachment can confuse you, because emotional vampirism resides in it. And two vampires will never be able to love each other, they will suck the energy of love until there is nothing left.
Loving the other is accepting your freedom and wanting your good above all. If you don't let those you love free, you don't respect and you're not free either.
Written by Juliane Rodrigues of the Eu Sem Fronteiras Team
