"I didn't deserve this!" It is common for us to think this when we go through some uncomfortable situation that hurts us. Victimization is common to human beings, it's something we always go through and it's almost a reflex, a self-defense, because it's easier to blame the other than to face your own responsibility, right?
So it is common to point out as toxic the (former) affective partners, the (former) friends, family members, co-workers, teachers, bosses and so many other people. But and you? Could it be that you've never been toxic in your life? Is it really that toxic is always the other?
Trials and more trials
When you put yourself in the position of someone who can judge the attitudes of others, it's normal to find a thousand and one criticisms in the way they choose to live, so you start to criticize them for not being more honest, sincere, responsible, and for Here it goes. But you've certainly made some of these same mistakes in life!
Are you going to say you've never betrayed anyone's trust? That you never found yourself acting selfishly? That you weren't emotionally irresponsible at some point in your life? That he never hurt or objectified the people he had a relationship with? That you didn't just consider your side of a relationship?
Lies, envy, jealousy, childish fights, hurt feelings over silly little things, manipulations, emotional blackmail... All these words are pretty ugly, and it's uncomfortable to assume that, yes, you've made these mistakes and that you're even likely to make them again. them.
So am I toxic?
If you judge someone who ends up lying, cheating, selfish or envious as toxic, chances are you fall into that category too, right? But there is an alternative to that, an alternative that makes neither you nor the other toxic.
Our mind, so used to Manichean ideas of good and evil, heavily influenced by the Christian religion, tends to classify people as good or bad, ignoring the fact that we can all make mistakes in life, and that we are likely to make mistakes, but that doesn't make us bad people.
If you've already made a mistake and you don't consider yourself a bad person, why should you consider the other toxic when he makes a mistake that you already made or could make?
everyone is learning
In the song “Ainda Há Tempo”, rapper Criolo sings the following lines: “People are not bad, they are just lost”. What if, instead of going around accusing everyone of being toxic left and right, you tried to understand that, just like you, everyone is learning? Making mistakes and learning.
How many people who have betrayed so much only understand the pain of betrayal when being betrayed? How many have bullied people in their lives by calling them liars, but found themselves lying a short time later?
We are not machines programmed to always do the right thing. What is right, by the way? And we are not machines that make mistakes once, insert learning from that mistake into programming and never make mistakes like that again. Sometimes we repeat the mistake, often without even realizing it at the time.
The poison in us all
The truth is, as human beings, we are always confused, always learning, always dealing with a lot of things we weren't prepared for, because life doesn't come with an instruction manual. How many times, because of being hurt or even confused, have you hurt someone too?
The poison of those who are toxic, if it exists, is in all of us. It's in the other, but in you too. Or maybe it's not in anyone, since we are all human, susceptible to our selfishness, our feelings, our desires and our difficulties.
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- Pay special attention to your mind. Take care of yourself
- Learn about the power of compassion in relationships
- How to identify a toxic relationship?
Carl Jung, the famous psychiatrist, wrote that “one does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but rather by becoming aware of the darkness itself.” When we point the finger at another's darkness, therefore, it is our own darkness that we are consequently judging.
So when you are going to judge the other, when you are going to call the other toxic, remember that you are taking offense too. One day, who knows, you might make the same mistake, even if you swear, today, with your feet together, that you won't. By seeing the other with more empathy, we see ourselves that way. Practice empathy and see less poison and less toxic people in the world!
