“Mom, will you lend me your concealer tomorrow so I can put it on the bite I got on my face? I don't want to go to school like this because my friends will laugh at me!”
I replied that I would lend it no problem. The conversation took several directions. She asked me, “Is your surgery hurting?” (I recently had gallbladder surgery). I replied that everything was fine. She said, “I didn't tell anyone at school that you had surgery. I don't want anyone whispering about you." And we continue to talk about various subjects, including these fears.
I started to remember situations that I also went through at her age. I studied in private schools and my parents worked very hard to pay. School sneakers were two sizes too big not to lose fast. Colored pencils with 24 or 36 colors were my dream. Fashion sneakers? Have you ever heard that a poor man's foot has no size?
I was thin, a bamboo, and I was ashamed of myself. As a teenager, I wore wool pants under my uniform regardless of the weather. Bermuda? No way! Sandal? Never! I thought my foot was too ugly and I didn't deserve to go through all this shame.
I'm sure that at this point a lot of situations like this have crossed your mind and that you must have smiled and maybe even shook your head just remembering how much it all hurt back then. Oh, if I only knew what I know today!
And watching my daughter's questions and fears, I remembered the song “Como Nosso Pais”, composed by Belchior in 1976 and immortalized in the voice of Elis Regina. Here's a little bit:
“My pain is realizing
that although we have
Done everything we did
We are still the same and we live
We are still the same and we live
Like our parents…”
We need to let go of these conditionings, for we are victims of our parents' conditioning, just as our parents were.
We don't need to condemn anyone, just start a change within ourselves. Being happy, accepting ourselves, taking care of us as we often take care of the other, looking for learning in every mistake, forgiving, loving, accepting, trusting and thanking you always. Gratitude is one of the forces that most increase positive emotions.
And today, at 40, it all seems so clear and I understand now why they say life begins at 40. Because suddenly it sinks in and a lot of things start to make sense. So I ask permission to our dear Elis Regina and enter with TitĂŁs to end our chat:
“Every stone in the way
you can withdraw
In a flower that has thorns
you can scratch yourself
If good and evil exist
You can choose
You have to know how to live”
