There are totally controversial ideas on this subject. Some saying that forgiveness would mean “forgetting”, letting go of what happened; others say it's the resignification of their feeling about it.
One group says that in order to truly forgive we must “give a cloth”, “an eraser” in the story and never touch this subject again, which is not advisable. It's sweeping the dust and throwing it under the rug. We forget it's there, but eventually that dirt turns into a big lump of dust. If you sweep the whole house and sweep all the dust under the rug, does that make this house clean?
Apparently, yes. At first, the dust was hidden under the rug. Up to a certain time you can hide it, but it's there, even ignoring it (and there's no way to ignore it).
It’s like pregnancy: at first you can even hide it, but after a while…
(Mothers on duty, comment here if it's not true)
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Jokes aside, when we fall, can you ignore that it hurt, that it hurt? Of course. You may not focus on it, but it is there.
It's the same thing when we go through unpleasant situations and "let it go", or say: "I'll forget it, then it will pass".
Look, it's nice to be optimistic, because it shows that you know how to deal with not-so-nice situations, but… No, it won't go away, because you felt hurt by this situation.
“Time heals everything”
Not. time doesn't heal anything, time is just time. It doesn't stop, it doesn't come back, it's linear and progressive, so you heal yourself. If there is no such healing, there will never be genuine forgiveness.
“But how do we heal?”
Cleaning up that dirt that got under the rug. To do this you have to get in touch with the garbage.
In order to have forgiveness properly speaking, we have to touch these wounds, go deep to get to the root and try to heal ourselves from all this, so that only then can we forgive. Resentment is reliving that situation, bringing that feeling back.
Forgiveness will not be possible if you ignore what hurt you. You have to go to the root of the problem, let the negative feeling that it brought you appear (repressing negative feelings is dangerous, I've talked about it in previous articles), reflect on this situation, rationalize, analyze, try to see it from another perspective, the perspective of seeing what that brought you to learning, what needs to be worked on in us that brought that situation. This is how cleaning is done. You forgive yourself and forgive the other!
We arrived at the desired point: understanding that we are co-authors of our own life, so we need to have responsibility and not blame ourselves too much, because when we blame ourselves we put ourselves in the role of victim.
“I was an idiot to trust that person”
A very common phrase when we blame ourselves, huh? How many times have we not been in that role? Well, I've been in that role. I've trusted people who later thought: “How did I let myself be deceived by this person? How could I trust?”
Then, at those times, that “evil voice” appears, coming from your unconscious, which says: “Look, weren't you the one who said you didn't trust at first? Now he's there, like a muggle."
There is another extreme, which is the most difficult to deal with: blaming others for one's suffering.
The “little voice of evil” comes again, acting as a counselor of chaos, saying: “this person deceived me/did me wrong”. Who never said that? I include myself in this too, because I am a being in search of enlightenment. It's no wonder that since I was 17 I've been studying, learning and evolving every day. This is part of my dharma (improving myself to give my best to others).
At that time I went to study about forgiveness, about general cleansing (soul, body and mind) and about a technique that I learned and that I practiced until it became fixed in my unconscious: always question the “evil voice”.
When she said: "I was deceived!", "I let myself trust that person!", "I was stupid to believe" or "I can't trust anyone", I already cut those thoughts by telling myself that I had not been the person who deceived and who lied, but that my idealization and my expectation, in addition to attachment, did not allow me to see that. I hadn't been stupid to trust anyone. I just trusted the wrong people, so my limiting belief was, “Nobody can be trusted”, co-creating this situation and attracting these people and this type of situation into my life.
I don't know if you noticed, but I just explained what it's like to have responsibility for your own life, which is different from guilt. I don't blame myself or the other, because the responsibility for my life is mine. I have no control over the actions and thoughts of others. I only have control over myself and I can only control my actions from now on.
Elainne Goldsmith once said that everything, EVERYTHING that happens to us is for our best and for our learning. Analyzing this situation, I saw that at that moment there were aspects of me that needed to be worked on and that the universe had to put me in these situations so that I could awaken my consciousness and evolve.
Another subject also mentioned by Ourives recently, which also made me reflect, is how we have ignorance and blindness of not seeing how the universe works. The quantum trainer also mentioned cases of people who claimed that things had gotten worse. In one, there was a woman saying that she visualized and co-created with the universe to have reciprocity of feeling loved, cared for, safe, desired, but ended up separating.
Check it out. She was expecting reciprocity from someone who couldn't offer that, after all, we offer the other only what we have. If the other doesn't have love, it's time to reflect on why that person appeared in our lives, why that situation happened, what we need to see and learn that we still haven't seen and learned.
This is taking responsibility for one's own life, because only then can we forgive and make our reaction to that situation re-signified. We went back to that moment, therefore, and re-signified that.
Forgiveness is this: releasing yourself from this burden that only limits us, releasing the other from this karma that can stagnate, releasing that person who is stuck with you. That's when it's time to stop talking about it and not vibrate, so it doesn't become a repetitive cycle.
Calm! My intention in saying this is to help you take control of your conscious mind and thereby control the unconscious. After doing this cleaning, this situation has to be abandoned, like we abandon a house that is literally falling apart. In the beginning it may just have a crack, a beam that falls, but at any time it can collapse with you inside.
That is, if we don't leave the situations of the past where they should be - IN THE PAST -, this feeling and the situation will gradually collapse, until completely destroying your emotional, your psychological and even your spiritual, whatever it may be. your belief.
To forgive is to resignify and free yourself. Now, if you ask me whether or not you should live with those involved in the situation again, then it's up to your choice. But before making that decision, ask yourself: “Does it make sense to have this person in my life?” and “Will it help me in my evolution?”.
Forgiveness is primarily for yourself, to free yourself, to close cycles, to open new ones. I know it's hard to forgive. It took me a while to forgive some people and there are some that I no longer live with or greet, talk to, treat with politeness, but when I analyzed the situation, I concluded, using my principles and values, that it no longer made sense to have them in my life. There are some that it took me a while to forgive, which was a more intense work for me to forgive.
Do you know what I did to be able to forgive? I used hooponopono. It's a wonderful technique where you put someone in mind, what happened between you, and repeat the following phrases: "I'm sorry, forgive me, I love you, I thank you." It's a wonderful mantra that I use whenever I need to forgive someone.
"I'm sorry, forgive me", so you forgive yourself, forgive your story, what happened and forgive those involved. "I love you, I thank you" is to show love for yourself, honor your history, learning and, through love, forgive those involved and also honor this person, who was a path to your evolution.
The idea for this article came to me one day when I had this question about what forgiveness would be. I picked up differing opinions and, in a conversation with my father, I posed the questions: “What would forgiveness be?”, “How do you know if you really forgave the person?”, “To forgive is to forget and act as if nothing had happened? ”.
He gave me an answer that made a lot of sense. If the person steps on your foot, hurting you, is aware of it and pretends he didn't and repeats it, the best thing to do is to walk away, because if the person doesn't have respect for you, there's no point in keeping him. her in your life. Some people are transient in life and not everyone will stick by their side for the rest of their lives.
I just loved that definition of forgiveness. Everything is a cycle, some involved will be with you in new cycles, others will not. When I say that there is no such thing as friends forever or eternal love, as shown in the movies, it's because the reality is different. Friends come and go, we meet new people (it's wonderful to meet people) and love, in the human sense of the word, is a continuous construction, the greatest form of divine expression. Love is selfless and light. When we are in the state of compassion and love is when we express the divine in us. Only then can we forgive. Forgiveness is for us, to set ourselves free. When we free ourselves, we free others.
