The word forgiveness has its origin in the Latin “perdonare”. A portmanteau of “per-” (total, complete) + “donare” (to give, deliver, donate). By connecting these little words, we will find a way to become better beings. The practice of forgiveness requires giving, a giving of love. That is, understanding is necessary to forgive a person.
I notice that many times people say that they have forgiven someone by explaining that they have already forgotten the fact. Is it really possible to “forget” something that has made us feel hurt or offended?
It is necessary to remember that everything that happens in our lives is registered by our brain and we cannot erase what is registered there. But there is a mechanism called repression, which we use with some frequency to defend ourselves from what hurts us. The mechanism consists of sending to the unconscious the fact that hurt us, and what is “kept” there seems to have been forgotten. The point is that we can't forget things, but we can take the emotion out of what bothered us. That's where understanding comes in. We understand that everyone does what they can, we look for the reasons why the person acted that way. Is she having a problem? Even if we don't like what the person did, we take the focus off our hurt and start looking at the other. This means that we get out of our egocentricity and start to get into the practice of empathy.
That is, we will remember the fact and not suffer from it. Of course, this sounds easier said than done, but you have to start somewhere sometime. Is this the right time? Yea! After all, we are giving ourselves the opportunity to read the article, reflect and it is in our hands to start the exercise of forgiveness. Besides, the time is always now, when we really want to do something.
But when and why do we need to forgive someone? We use forgiveness when we feel offended by something. Hurt, rancor and offenses steal our energies and can make us sick. These feelings can generate anger, among other things, and anger will hurt whoever feels it in the first place. This means that we are harming ourselves, we get sick physically and emotionally. Forgiving does not erase what happened, but, as stated above, it makes us regain well-being and peace.
Many may say that we are silly for having suffered an evil and forgive those who did it. However, it is important to remember that we are responsible for our attitudes. If we really want to become better people, at that time we can reflect on which side we prefer to be on: the one who hurts or the one who was hurt? On the side of who forgives or not who needs to be forgiven?
Mother Teresa has a beautiful text that has some of the sayings below:
“Often, people are self-centered, illogical and unreasonable. Lose them anyway.
If you are honest and forthright, people can deceive you. Be honest anyway.
Give the world the best of you, but that may never be enough. Give the best you have anyway.
Ultimately, it's between you and God. It was never between you and people.”
May we reflect and choose the side on which we want to be in our evolutionary process. Therefore, good reflections and the love necessary for this act to germinate and flourish in the hearts of each one of us.
