Emotional Dependence: Loving also binds

Ah… And it looks like now the year is about to begin! Many people say that the year starts on January 1st, others say that it only happens after Carnival. I think that at one time or another, the most important thing is to know that with each sunrise, we have one more opportunity to make our lives the best we can, to change the habits that no longer serve us, to transform ourselves internally so that the our walk in this life makes sense and evolution is a reality.

I would like to address a topic as important as it is controversial for this new day, month or year: the emotional dependence.

One of the things that unbalance the human being is the dependency that binds you to another human being and which often bears the name of love. Emotional dependence can be recognized when we need the other to be happy or their approval to do something. The emotional dependent does what he dislikes so as not to be alone. He feels an enormous need for recognition and security and ends up putting aside what he thinks, likes or feels, to act according to what the other thinks, likes or feels. Gradually, he ceases to live and begins to exist as someone's shadow.

The emotional dependent feels great difficulty in identify goals for your life, since his greatest need is to keep someone attached to him.

The book "Love is also learned" by Francisco do Espírito Santo Neto, dictated by Lourdes Catherine, brings us the following statement: "Organizing one's life around the loved one, to the point of making one's existence without the other inconceivable, is an unhealthy form of addiction similar to drug or alcohol addiction, whose destructive character requires help and treatment. The 'whole world becomes empty when you are not by my side' is a demonstration of affective slavery”.

Older generations grew up to the sound of songs that expressed the idea of ​​romantic love and this ended up becoming a problem because no one was able to cover the expectation generated by the belief passed by the lyrics of some songs: “There is no you without me, I do not exist without you…"; “It is impossible to be happy alone…” These ideas made us understand that we did not exist as individuals, but as halves, always looking for a complement to cover our needs.

I can say that I myself belong to that era of beautiful music, which made us wait for the arrival of the prince who would love us unconditionally for the rest of our lives. Today, I see in the office the disappointments suffered by this idealized love, where one would live by and for the other. Where one would depend on the other to be happy. And when that didn't happen, the consequences arrived in a heavy way, in the form of depression, insomnia and even the use of illicit drugs.

When this happens, the relationship is no longer healthy, suffering permeates the relationship and it cannot be called love.

A low self esteem it can also be one of the causes of emotional dependence. The person is not good enough to make a relationship last, to be loved and wanted. Hence the continual effort to gain approval and recognition from others.

It is important to point out that this dependence can extend to friends or family, it is not only linked to love/affective relationships.

But, what to do to become more independent?

• It is important to recognize and accept that this is happening to us. Without that recognition and acceptance, there is no way to change.

• We look inside ourselves and identify our weaknesses and strengths. After all, nothing is just negative.

  
  
  

• Self-knowledge… Socrates said: “Know thyself” and that is the best way to be masters of ourselves.

I wish that each one is persistent and strong enough to get to know each other better and transform what is necessary, becoming a unique, complete and happy individual.