A relationship should always be filled with love, affection, friendship and, above all, respect. After all, the relationship exists because the love and all the companionship that was built between two people makes them want to be together and, therefore, they do. But, freedom is also essential for everyone to continue being who they always were.
A love relationship cannot be a prison, where fear and anguish are common feelings – in fact, they shouldn't even exist. The fear of acting in a way that the partner (or partner) does not like causes the person to become someone they are not.
She becomes dependent on the relationship. Over time, this becomes destructive. Because you stop doing what you want and being who you are and become the other person's puppet. It's as if you feel that you need that love and that relationship to be happy and, because of this dependence, you can even forget about yourself.
Remember that, in a relationship, your self-esteem must always be high, you must be happy, sure of yourself, willing to overcome your limits and conquer dreams.
Being with someone who makes you feel like being you isn't enough and who puts you down is unhealthy. You must remember (and your partner must also remind you) that you are a great person, capable of conquering everything and being whoever you want to be.
Being with someone who makes you forget about yourself, who is overly jealous and who tries to control every step you take is horrible and even dangerous. A love relationship does not mean that one owns the other. Each one is their own master, the difference is that there is someone to share (and not decide what) the good and bad moments of life will be.
You don't have to please the other at all times. In fact, this is impossible! Just as he will do things you won't like but that are important to him and you need to respect, he needs to do the same for you. Not out of obligation, but because a relationship is always an exchange.
Exchange of experiences, dialogue, acceptance and even certain “sacrifices”, coming equally from both sides. Remember that balance must be the foundation of any relationship. – be it loving, family, friendship, or whatever.
In a relationship, one does not own the other. The exaggerated need for affection, as well as social imprisonment (i.e. you need to be together when he goes out or vice versa) makes the person feel that his privacy has been invaded and, with that, he feels that he is suffocated.
However, emotional dependence makes you accept this behavior. Even suffocated, you think you need the other person to be happy. And precisely the fear of losing your partner makes you accept any attitude.
If there is fear of being abandoned, then love is weakened. Be sure of yourself, of the love you feel for each other, and be happy the way you are. Remember: if there is love, there is respect and understanding. You can (and should) say what you think and what you want.
Often, your partner's domineering behavior is being stimulated by you. Attention: this does not mean that it is your fault. It means that by being silent, you allow him to continue. Make it clear what is happening.
There are some signs that show that the relationship is abusive on either side. They are: excessive jealousy, feeling of possession, trying to control the other's attitudes, the places he goes and the way he behaves, trying to be superior to the other in the relationship, disrespect and aggression (physical, verbal or psychological).
If one or more of the factors described above exist in your relationship, you are in an abusive relationship. And if you accept this type of behavior, you are becoming or are already emotionally dependent on your partner.
Just as there are factors to identify dependence, there are others to be less dependent. The first is to have awareness that you are emotionally dependent. This is the most important. After all, getting out of a dependency relationship doesn't mean you won't enter another one, right? You have to be aware that this is in you and that it is necessary to deal with this aspect to overcome it.
The second factor is work your self esteem, recognize your value and really believe that you can be happy alone - only by believing that it is possible to be happy alone will you be able to be happy with someone else in a healthy and balanced way.
Then remember that you make your own decisions. Don't be afraid to say this and apply this step in your life. Listen and accept your partner's opinion. After all, it is important to talk and try to understand both sides and the reason for each opinion. But remember: you decide for yourself.
And lastly, seek help. It's worth talking to a professional about it and listening to what he has to say. Suddenly, your addiction is a little more severe and needs personalized treatment. Trust me, it will only do you good.
- Text written by Giovanna Frugis from the Eu Sem Fronteiras Team.
