Many of us have gone through different situations at work, in the family or even in social life that left us in doubt whether our way of acting was the best, the most correct, or not.
It is common to find people who are difficult to live with or have a relationship with, before whom we ask ourselves: What am I doing wrong? And why does my attempt to establish a positive exchange not work?
But are there really difficult people?
To answer this question, it is necessary to reflect on what it really means to be a “person with a difficult relationship”. We know that what causes problems in relationships is communication, or lack of good communication. When you express an opinion, idea or even give an answer, you do so based on your way of seeing the world, through your map of world; where family, religious, personal beliefs and everything you have experienced and believe in are present.
Have you ever stopped to think that someone else's Map may be completely different from yours? What beliefs, values ​​and images of the world make the other individual respond to the same situation in a way that is even opposite to yours?
In addition, it is necessary to take into account the different channels through which individuals represent their internal information through the five senses. Some are preferentially visual (understand the world through images), others are auditory (perceive more sounds) and still others kinesthetic (use smell – touch and taste to experience the world). All of this enables a completely rich and differentiated communication and characterizes each one, through their own and individual experience, which seems natural, as it is believed that the other has the same preferences, information, codes, images and experiences as you.
The first point in dealing with difficult communication is to stop trying to convince the other, or to spend time trying to explain to the other your model of the world, but to do the opposite, listen what the other is trying to tell you; what is your reality; what he needs and especially how he sees, hears and feels the world around him.
Another important point is instant feedback, this means asking him: “You mean to tell me that ___ (then you complete the sentence repeating exactly what you understood from what he said)” to make sure the information received is correct.
An interesting stance is to agree with the other's expression and only then put your point of view, maybe it's good to use phrases similar to this: “I agree and realize that for you it is important ___ (such a thing), I believe that it has value, but for me it is also important ___”
A final topic is Conciliation and this is obtained as you realize what gain the other intends to have when maintaining your position or idea and what gain you intend to have by maintaining your stance. You might be surprised to find that you both want the same thing, but communicate and express it in completely different ways, and if you both want the same thing, how about a positive agreement.
If you are open to getting to know each other better, surrendering to this relationship because you are interested in the other human being, and you want to recognize the real reason for their behaviors, you can find the Map of mine, and transform difficulty into skill and good. relationship, the question is, are you really interested in putting your energy and good will to overcome this situation, be a winner and conquer a new partner?
If you answer yes, congratulations, you have already taken the first step to transform your relationship with that difficult person, into a challenging relationship, but with great chances of success, and nothing better than feeling like a winner, conquering new allies for your projects and for your life.
