If you've ever suffered from a breakup in a love relationship, you know how painful that end is.
We are left without a direction, everything seems to have less color and we miss the person we no longer have.
We seek to distance ourselves from that person, push away the memories we have of them and also think of other things that fill the feeling of emptiness caused by the end. Despite all these efforts, I bet you don't really feel distant from that ex-boyfriend you broke up with.
You run away from him and the memories, but you can check his life, know how he is and how he has been living. This is all thanks to social networks, which have managed to change even the way relationships end.
The person doesn't date you anymore, but he is on Twitter, on Facebook and you can know everything he has been up to. Is continuing this contact with your ex on social media a good idea? Or does blocking it help with the acceptance of the breakup and the process of self-healing?
To block or not to block?
The possibilities that social networks offer are many. We can talk to people, check their information, see their photos and their opinions about things and, most importantly, know where they are and what they do.
But if we want to forget an ex-boyfriend or get over our past, how do we deal with this contact we have with him through these same social networks? After all, he is no longer part of our life, but we can, in a single click, know many things about what he feels, does and currently lives.
The end of a relationship is like grief, so we need to get over it: but is getting over it constantly seeing that person who is gone from our life the best way? It is a question worth reflecting on.
Another thing: because we can always check the ex's life and what he's been up to, we mistakenly believe that we have some control over him. This happens due to the vigil we do on his social networks, looking for current information about his life and what he has been doing.
Is this false sense of control healthy for us? In this sense of control and in this contact, we also create false hopes about the person, because we believe that, by knowing what they are doing, we can find them and have them again at some point.
If you're wondering why this sense of control is false, you should remember that people on social media are hardly what they are in real life. With your ex-boyfriend, the situation is no different! Remember this.
Like other people, your ex also “filters” what he wants to show he does. There are a lot of things we do and don't do that just don't make it to our social media. Looking at it this way, it is natural that people seek to show their good side, their qualities and their success in something as much as possible, because they want to show that they live well.
So don't feel like you're controlling your ex-partner, because at the end of the day, he's the one controlling what he wants you to know about him. Don't be held hostage to his control, so don't feel that you have any control over your life.
But filtering isn't something only your ex-boyfriend can do: you can also filter out what's good or bad, what's success or failure, but focus on filtering your life. Choose what makes you good and hold tight to those beneficial things. What adds nothing to you, on the other hand, should be excluded from your life.
Begin this filtering by deleting memories of past relationships from your life. Blocking is the first step so you can let go of that feeling and move on. You cannot be stagnant, being that kind of person who merely sees other people living their lives. With that, we have to block. Yes, it is the first option.
To escape the life of a frustrated spectator, you must promote your own self-rescue. Take care of your mental health by not feeding neurosis and negative feelings from relationships that have passed. Take care of your life, take care of yourself and don't act like a viewer in front of life.
Self-knowledge is essential in the post-breakup moment
To erase this false sense of control over your ex, avoid self-deception and unrealistic impressions about this person, it is essential that you seek to get to know yourself. You are not that person who lives for your ex.
The attitude of “stalker” or constant vigil over your ex's social media is not something that naturally belongs to you. It goes without saying that we all act this way after a breakup, but it's not a feeling or an attitude you should cultivate.
Cultivating this feeling of possession or “ownership” over that person only causes you harm, harms your mental health and puts you in an unreal situation, which can trigger major problems, such as depression, anxiety and other psychological disorders.
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After all, such possession does not exist. You just feel like you're exercising because you know where your ex goes and what he does. This belief stagnates you, makes you a mere viewer of life, which is not really part of who you are.
To not be someone who just watches life go by, you must act, live and truly feel every step of your life. Don't get carried away by the end of a cycle, focus on transitioning to another cycle and on your own healing.
This block is not a cut or an eternal break, but a break so that you can truly understand who you are. And what you're not, without a doubt, is someone obsessed with stalking or watching over someone who's no longer with you.
In this situation, self-knowledge is the understanding that this is all a cycle or a passing season. Don't confuse an end of cycle with the end of your happiness. Always seek to nurture good habits and the cultivation of self-reflection.
