But before being a couple, or before wanting someone, you must first want and love yourself, because the first love of our lives is ourselves.
Many texts and therapists, myself included, emphasize self-love when someone asks how to be happy in a relationship or how to get a boyfriend. This sounds so cliché, maybe even so easy to say, but that's really the secret. There is no magic formula to achieve this and even though it is so simple, it sometimes seems so complex.
Self-love is finding yourself with your soul and dating your essence with a lot of depth and self-knowledge. It's having affection and respect for who you are, it's knowing how to defend yourself, protect yourself, give yourself and date yourself. Everything that happens before in a relationship should happen first from you to yourself. After all, how will you know what you like and what you don't like if you've never tried it on yourself?
When I say that self-love is finding yourself with your own soul, I highlight something of such great importance that we will only realize when, one day, we lose ourselves trying to be better for the other within a relationship. Yes, because it happens.
And that's when things start to go wrong, because in a happy relationship two people are living their lives, their desires, wants, purposes, as individuals alone and then, when they become a couple, they are full, happy and satisfied, and the exchange is healthy, positive and non-voiding. It is different from relationships where people change their purposes or set them aside for the other.
As long as finding someone to be happy is your focus, I'm sorry to tell you, but you won't be happy, because happiness is inside you and only you know how to reach that peak, because what is happiness for one may not be happiness for the other, and have you ever thought how messy it is to bond with a person who has a different peak of “happiness” than you have? How much effort would it be to try to reach that peak, without even having an interest in that goal?
So what I think about it is that if you want a person, first you need to conquer yourself, find out who you are, what you like and what makes you happy. Knowing this, you already know what kind of relationship interests you and if this relationship will add to you, not subtract your essence. This is also good for balance in a relationship, because as my mother once told me in one of my teenage love struggles: “Relationship is meant to be good, not cause suffering! ”. I have followed this teaching ever since.
Invite yourself to dinner, to watch a movie at the cinema, have that delicious coffee alone, go for a walk in the park or go to an art exhibition… have moments of value and quality with yourself, enjoying yourself while you are, your thoughts and who you really are.
Living like this, I doubt that a nice person will not appear to share these good times with you, and someone you can love with proportions similar to your self-esteem, because relationship is sum, and we cannot erase who we are and our purposes to the detriment. from the other.
With this attitude, I believe that when he finds his ideal relationship he will be promising, because love attracts love, and who doesn't want to get involved with someone full of love to give?
You may also like another article by this author. Access: Untangle yourself: The art of letting go
