"You know what fear does too?" I asked, not waiting for an answer. “He shows us the way forward.
When I said those words, you looked at me with the curious look of a child about to hear a new fairy tale. I continued:
— For example, Juca was very afraid of heights, a real fear, and still is today. He was once challenged by a very convincing cousin to go up on the roof. As Juca was very influential at that age, he climbed up, even though his legs were shaking. But the detail is that the two were alone in the other boy's house. And to make matters worse, the sun had already set for at least half an hour. When Juca got up there, the pestinha cousin removed the ladder used to climb and went inside the house, laughing. Juca was paralyzed, with no idea what to do. He cried and yelled for his cousin, with no response. It was already dark and some stars started to appear. Not having the courage to try to look for another way down, he curled up in the safest corner he could find and stayed there all night. After a while, the tears had dried up and he began to look at the sky. He had never stopped to look at the night sky as closely as he did at that moment. He marveled at all those bright spots, he wished he could reach them. And so his love for the stars was born. It was in the heights that his fear lived and it was also there the abode of his greatest love.
— I never analyzed it from that perspective — you seemed to reflect on what I said.
Now I was excited and wanted to continue.
- Yea. And the next day, he told me about a dream he had up there on the roof. A dream like that you live in your sleep, not the ones you can fulfill while awake. The dream began with him in a very old house in a large clearing surrounded by dense forest. Looking up, he was mesmerized by the most starry sky he had ever seen. It was something that could only be described in the most fantastical tales about the gods and the Universe. He was admiring that infinite beauty, when he noticed someone moving near the door of the house. There was a very old man. Juca soon realized that he must have been a carpenter or something because of the amount of tools scattered around the yard and the hammer he held in his left hand. The old man looked at him and smiled, beckoning him to come closer. Juca went to him. The gentleman placed the hammer on a three-legged table, hugged my friend happily and asked him to accompany him. The two headed towards the back of the house. There Juca saw a gigantic ladder made of wood. It was really high, Juca couldn't even see its end. It seemed to reach for the stars. It scared him. The old man smiled at him and headed towards the stairs, waving for Juca to follow him. Juca walked to the stairs and the old man began to climb. He climbed and climbed until he disappeared into the heights. Juca looked at that paralyzed. He knew the old man wanted him to go up. But the infinite height of that simple, slender staircase terrified him. He didn't even want to look up anymore. He stood there for a while, trying to breathe and decide what to do. There was no sign of the old man anymore. Then he took a deep breath and looked up. That's how he saw that sky adorned with sparkling lights, like diamonds and all kinds of precious stones. Once again he felt his soul marvel at this grand spectacle. His body filled with euphoria and arousal took the space that fear once belonged. So, holding the ladder, he began to climb. He ascended and ascended to infinity, with a single thought in his head: "For my dream of touching the stars, I ascend to the highest of heights." He doesn't remember reaching the bottom of the stairs or meeting the old man, but he never forgot that dream and how no fear can stop him from reaching his ultimate goal.
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I finished the story and the gentleman looked down thoughtfully. I think something touched him. That dream was really beautiful.
“So you say that fear points the way to achieving our real aspirations? he finally spoke.
This text is an excerpt from the book “Alhados”, to which I have been dedicating myself lately. Catullus and you talk about fear and how it can limit or propel you, depending on which side you're on.
Thanks for reading, and if anyone is interested in the book, please let me know.
