Many dream of a relationship. It's nice to spend a weekend watching movies and series cuddling with someone special. It's nice to have someone to warm our feet on cold nights. It's great to feel loved and wanted. It's wonderful to have someone to share life with.
Psychologist Ailton Amélio da Silva, PhD in psychology and professor of Loving Relationships and Communication at USP, says that love releases hormones that make us happier and more willing. Want to know other benefits of love?- We become more optimistic;
- We become more sympathetic;
- We feel more beautiful;
- We have more goals;
- We care more about health: we exercise, eat well and visit the doctor regularly;
- More willingness to go out.
Being in love messes with our emotions. The old maxim that “love comes in one door, judgment comes out another” is no exaggeration. Love increases dopamine and decreases serotonin, a characteristic common to obsessive disorders. When we're in love, the brain's reward circuitry is at full throttle, while the prefrontal cortex almost stops. The prefrontal cortex is what makes us reason and make rational judgments. So the Spanish philosopher Ortega y Gasset was not exaggerating when he said that love is “A transitory state of imbecility”. For the less radical, the phrase of the German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche is valid: “There is always something madness in love, but there is always something reason in madness”.
Capital sins
Love is not always a bed of roses. Living together is a huge challenge. Everyday banalities, such as a wet towel on the bed, are already a trigger for “thickening the broth”. However, disorganization is not the only behavior that can ruin everything. idealize a relationship perfect, just like romantic comedies, it brings many disappointments. Let's list the biggest errors committed by couples. Do you and your love identify with any of them?
communication failure
Chacrinha already said: "Who does not communicate, will be in trouble". We need to talk clearly about what we like and what we want to change. It seems obvious, but many couples insist on leaving things between the lines, or worse, using ironies. The famous “DR” (discussing the relationship) is seen as something boring, however, it is extremely important for the success of the relationship. Did a problem arise? Talk about him, put your cards on the table. Communication failures give rise to another problem.
Magoa
suffocate the emotions brings a lot of grief. Not saying that you didn't like the partner's attitudes and words make the other brood over sad situations. Show your dissatisfaction, say how much it hurts to be the target of certain attitudes. Resentment can provoke desires for revenge. In addition to putting the relationship in a danger zone, cultivating grievances increases the pressure and accelerates the heartbeat.
Jealousy
They say a little jealousy warms the relationship. However, the feeling can take on pathological airs. Smelling clothes, using the cell phone, browsing social networks, everything to see if the partner is "walking the line". Some people go so far as to put detective, and even change their routine to follow the loved one. When jealousy becomes a disease, those who are targeted have their physical integrity threatened.
Lack of interest
There are people who relax after the conquest, in the worst sense of the word. He believes the game is won and doesn't praise, forgets special dates, doesn't dress up like he used to. The other tries to motivate the partner, but it's like talking to a rock. This lack of interest is a snowball. Those who try to save the relationship may get tired of fighting. In this tiredness, the person sees that it is not worth insisting, puts an end and leaves for another.
Selfishness
Do you like to order? Know that one day your partner will get tired and leave. On a relationship healthy, both make decisions. Selfishness often comes from childhood, stimulated by parents who made all the wishes of the child. Do you really love your partner? Try to control your authoritarianism or risk seeing it go.
lack of union
Many couples are not united and act like a monologue. Unbelievable, isn't it? The two need to commit, give their souls to make it work. This commitment includes not making demands and not blaming the other when things don't go well. Join hands and make a commitment of love and happiness.
lack of affection
Another strange thing, but experienced by many couples. The rush of everyday life is no excuse for not being affectionate. A tight hug relieves stress. Hugging first thing in the morning brings the strength you need to face the day. Kissing also relieves stress, and even boosts immunity. Couples who don't show affection end up falling into…
sameness
Over time, going out to dinner, going to the movies, traveling lose space. Short money is no excuse for not doing programs for two. You can create a romantic atmosphere at home, with candlelight and flowers, prepare a delicious dinner and a beautiful dessert. Watch movies on television or on the computer with a bucket of popcorn. Take a day trip to a nearby town and enjoy a picnic. When the couple puts aside the programs for two...
sex more or less
Routine does this. Sex is now scheduled: on weekends. It's all unbearably predictable, words, movements and timing. If the couple does not take action, sex can more or less come to an end, and the couple will live a relationship bachelor. Want reasons not to let it get to that point? Sex relieves pain, inflammation, improves sleep and still leaves the skin beautiful.
do they exist errors common to women and others to men? Worse than yes. Do you want to know the pitfalls that each gender commits? Let's list some of them.
Women
- Insecurity: lack of self-esteem is poison. Women are often critical of their appearance. Do a self-analysis and discover your strengths, intellectual and physical.
- Grace period: calling/texting every five minutes saying you love puts pressure on your partner. There are non-verbal ways to declare your feelings.
- Generalization: men are not all the same. Just because your ex mistreated you doesn't mean it will always be the same.
- Do dramas: towel on the bed is annoying, but it's not the end of the world. People who cry all the time are unbearable.
Men
- sexual selfishness: the female body has a different rhythm. They need emotional comfort and security to indulge in sex. Don't even think about skipping foreplay.
- Insensitivity: as serious as making dramas. Men, we know you communicate in a more direct way. However, do not treat your partners as if they were members of the firm's football team. Never make fun of their feelings.
- To think you are superman: don't like her attitudes, so speak up. You didn't like what she said, so speak up. Are you worried because you think you might lose your job? So talk. A man who is a man demonstrates his worries, fears and sorrows.
- Act like a child: some men see in the woman the extension of the mother. The woman forces her partner to eat fruits and vegetables, among other maternal attitudes. It is a behavior dangerous, because infantilization destroys the self-esteem of both.
Life for two is really not easy. Every couple is exposed to these problems. Sometimes the madness of everyday life shakes us. However, you must not conform because the relationship is cooling off. Coexistence is a plant that must be watered and given vitamins to bear fruit. The construction is daily, it takes a little work, but the effort is worth it. Want to know how to strengthen your relationship? Science has some curious clues.
Be grateful
Having a reciprocated love is a blessing. Be grateful for the chance to have found “the half of the orange”. To give thanks for your achievements and accomplishments is to recognize God's purposes. And according to science, getting a good night's sleep helps you be more grateful.
Sleep well
Insomniacs often have bouts of bad temper. They present behavior selfish and impatient. They fail to recognize their partner's delicacies. A survey conducted at the University of California with 60 couples proves this. Partners with sleeping difficulties had to point out five positive attitudes of the other. Insomniacs had trouble performing the task.
Believe in love
Believing is the first step to succeed. Couples who maintain the will to do everything for each other are more satisfied and fight less. Giving up at the first crisis is an act of cowardice.
Discuss
We have already said that stifling emotions is harmful. The University of Auckland (New Zealand) did an unusual research. The husband agreed with everything the wife said, but she knew she was participating in a study. The man held out for 12 days. His quality of life dropped a lot, because he received criticism and saw her as a “gooey bore”. Still in this regard, be careful with the pronouns you use. Those who say “we” and “our” wear out less during fights.
It's a man?
Get in a relationship with a woman more beautiful than you. This is a hit and miss, according to a study carried out at the University of Tennessee (United States).
Science tips are good, except for the last one… Science aside, some tips don't need to be studied by scientists. Want to redeem yourself from errors committed in your relationship? Take a look at these advice.
To always be in love
- Don't criticize, correct, or scold in public, like Ivete Sangalo;
- Have plans in common, learn to play the guitar, cook, buy an apartment…;
- Praise yourself always;
- Laugh at yourselves;
- Talk to your partner about everything, the exchange of ideas is very stimulating. In conversations, you will discover very interesting things about the loved one;
- Jealousy is good, but beware of exaggeration! No touching your cell phone and other personal objects. Respect the individuality of the other;
- Make plans and share responsibilities. The success and failure of a relationship depends on both;
- Keep the flame lit. Hug, kiss and have sex. dating leaves the relationship stronger, raises self-esteem, increases creativity and is good for the heart.
A lot of people want one relationship. However, responsibilities must be assumed. And they are endless. Selfishness is the gateway to errors that kill a relationship. For the selfish, the voice of the other does not matter, their will prevails and love is a game where there is only one winner. In love there is no “I”, but “us”. Both are responsible for harmony and mismatch. Authoritarian partners need the other's passivity to exist.
X-ray your relationship. What are the errors what do you commit? What are the errors what does he commit? How about calling your partner for a chat? Put your cards on the table, but no accusations. You know the saying “when we talk, we understand each other”? He is the purest truth. Recognizing and talking about problems is the first step to solving them. If the conversation is not enough, the couple can leave for therapy. One session per week, lasting 50 minutes, is recommended. Couples in intense crisis can do two sessions per week.
It is good to clarify that the psychologist will not give a formula but will mediate the dialogue. Therapy helps the couple to:
- Have effective communication;
- Develop a sense of responsibility;
- Respect differences;
- Understanding the other's needs, including sexual ones;
- Establish strategies to resolve conflicts;
- Recognize common goals;
- Overcome a betrayal.
It's up to the couple to solve their problems. Fight to overcome crises and live the fullness of healthy love. We all commit sins, but the biggest sin is not doing anything to redeem yourself. Roll up your sleeves and face the challenge of resurrecting your relationship. Don't let the sin of self-indulgence kill the virtuosity of love.
Text written by Sumaia Santana from the Eu Sem Fronteiras Team.
