Two years ago, performance coach Deborah Grayson attended an event in New York. Wearing a single necklace she bought while teaching executive communication in Beijing, she decided to meet someone who was wearing a piece of gold. She says: “I met a woman wearing beautiful green glasses and a gold necklace, so I walked up to her to say hello. Turns out she was a recruiter looking for a good presentation skills instructor who specialized in working with Chinese MBA students. Because I talked to a stranger, I ended up having one of the best shows of my life.”
Riegel's story is a good example of the maxim, "It's not about what you know, it's about who you know." But when that happens in both business and life, most of us only talk to strangers 2% or 3% of the time, says Judy Robinett, author of How to Be a Power Connector (McGraw Hill, April 2014). “It's sad because most of the secrets to a successful future are waiting outside your immediate contact. That's where the gold is hidden,” she says.
Robinett considers himself a shy person. Working in management for one of the top 300 companies in the US, she says she hid during big events. Ambitious and wanting to advance in the market, she realized that making connections would be the key to her success.
“I needed to lessen my fear. I've never been a connector or extrovert. I eventually thought most people were amazing and if you focus on them, it numbs your fear.”
Thirty years later, Robinett, known for her “Titanium Rolodex”, is founder and president of JRobinett Enterprises and she matches venture capitalists with early stage companies. She says that with a face-to-face meeting, over the phone or online, you have a little time to connect with someone before you become another forgotten face.
She offers 6 tips for turning a stranger into an acquaintance or friend:
1) Look approachable
We've all seen someone walking around with their heads down or sitting at a table engrossed in their phone. The body talks and it sends signals that it doesn't want to be disturbed. Instead, take an interest in the people around you, Robinett says. "A smile indicates that you are open to conversation."
2) Say: hello
Sounds simple, but a quick “hello” will break the ice. Marriott Hotels has a “15-5 rule” with its employees. If an employee is within 15 feet of someone in the hotel, he or she should acknowledge the guest with eye contact or a friendly nod. If the person is 5 feet away, then the employee should smile and say hello. Robinett suggests that you apply this rule to your life: "Try this at the supermarket or anywhere you have a sympathetic audience."
3) Assume other people are shy
70% of people consider themselves shy, says Robinett. Knowing this puts you in the same boat!
“You don't have to be outgoing with a stranger, we're all super concerned about what other people might think of us. The truth is, no one cares because everyone is worried about themselves,” she says.
Instead, take the focus off yourself and put it on the other. “The best connectors I know will tell you they are shy, but that doesn't stop them from creating powerful networks. They just know they need other people to achieve their goals and they step out of their comfort zones,” says Robinett.
4) Find something in common
Whether it's a friend, place, experience or point of view, find something in common with the other person and start a conversation. While time is always a safe option, you can also ask people if they have kids or pets. Or pay attention to your environment. Robinett, who grew up in Idaho, says he once made a new contact just because she realized he also had a sign there. “It's really easy to find something in common. I can have great conversations with people on planes or airports simply because we are both in transit.”
5) Be fully present and listen
Give people your complete attention when you're with them! “Bill Clinton is known for his ability to be fully present even when he's with someone for just a few seconds. The average attention span is 8 seconds. Paying attention makes you more memorable and your communication richer,” says Robinett.
6) Decide whether or not to proceed to the next step
If you're talking to someone in a parking lot, you probably won't see that person again, says Robinett, but if there's any interest, then it's okay to ask for their business card.
“Within 24 hours send an email simply saying thank you,” she says. “Within a week, submit something of value, like an article you think the person would like to read. The focus is on moving from being strangers to building a relationship.”
The truth is that it's not always easy to take the first step, we grew up with our parents teaching us "son, don't talk to strangers". But the reality is not exactly that, meeting new people can enrich both your personal and professional life. Leave that teaching of your parents a little aside and learn with these 6 tips from Robinett to level up your networking and your life.
Written by Amanda Prieto of Team Me Without Borders
