Words are an incredibly powerful resource. They can hurt, heal, inspire and ruin. Learning the language of a strong and healthy relationship or marriage takes time and persistence, but saying certain words regularly can end up doing irreparable damage to the relationship. Here are four words designed to shake up your relationship.
Never
“Never” causes a sense of end and despair. When you say “never,” you are telling your partner that he is no good, never will be, and that there is no hope. It is an all-or-nothing phrase that is not good to hear, makes it impossible for the person to have the good will to change the situation, and ends up preventing the chance of an agreement between the parties.
You
The word "you" comes with an imaginary index finger. It's accusing, and if the person listening is already feeling vulnerable, defensive, or emotional, no matter what you say after "you," they'll interpret it as an accusation.
Everlasting
Like “Never”, “Always” is a word to avoid. When you say “always”, you are telling your partner that he is wrong and you are right. It is an all-or-nothing word that is not willing to understand, learn or improve.
More
When you say “but”, you deny everything that was said earlier. For example, “I really appreciate that you did the dishes, BUT ___. This invalidates your message and turns a positive statement into a negative one. It is a conjunction that does not build truth, credibility and familiarity. Other similar words to avoid are also “however” and “nevertheless”.
Take a moment and think about the impact of the words before you say them to your partner. Make an effort to come up with a powerful phrase that shows your intention to be kind, rather than hurting, controlling, scaring, or pushing away the person you love.
Find words that lead to intimacy, to well-being.
This can include phrases such as, "I noticed that when ___, you reacted to ___." “When you do ___, I feel ___.” “It would mean a lot to me if you could ___, because when you do ___, I feel ___.” And: “I want our relationship to be good for both of us. How can we get closer so that we can both feel heard, accepted, and loved? ”
Learning new ways to communicate and relate is not easy, but it is something that can be done and that will benefit your relationship immensely.
Written by Amanda Magliaro of Team Me Without Borders
