Anyway, traditions aside, I watched all that and just didn't accept it, because I wanted to be the hero, the astronaut, the scientist, the free person. And this struggle has troubled me since then until today, because while I want all of that, I was conditioned to think that to be fully happy I need a husband, not love (which can also happen to people of the same gender) , but a husband, man and who is my “safe haven”.
In this, for many times, my personality was put at stake by myself, after all, how to be a woman if I like everything that is assigned to men? How do I fit into society and be accepted by a guy when I don't want to be the girl that men are looking for?
And then we come to one of the deconstructions, perhaps one of the most difficult, which is accept that you won't necessarily be the successful woman with high heels and huge nails, most likely will not follow the established script that includes in the package the marriage, the children, the unhappy romance for the worn-out coexistence, among other items that you can check as a check list in the reality of women.
Returning, thanks to the script that has been repeated in my mind all my life and a few more additions of movies and stories that insist on saying that a woman will only be happy with a man on her side, I idealized that I wouldn't be able to move on in my life until I found a love", so I made it a personal mission, but it wore me down my entire life on a level that I now wonder if this is really about love.
Since I was a teenager, I've always been in love with someone, I can't remember the last time I wasn't deeply suffering for a person who normally didn't feel the same way about me, besides, always molding myself to the person's shape to please them. , completely disconnecting me from myself. I got lost while looking for the person who would “complete” me.
Well, of the synchronicities of life, today's was the best and that's why I decided to write something to expose such a thing.
From last night to today, I reached the peak of my exhaustion, once again, for the reason that I constantly struggle to live a romance and find my hero, because honestly it's exhausting as hell for you to spend 24 hours thinking about something you're not. real, seeking something solid in an illusion. So I decided I wouldn't move another finger or sacrifice another second of my life trying to find love.
By “coincidence”, I talked to two women during the day, who told me very interesting things and made me think that maybe I don't want to be someone's wife, nor follow the script of life and that I only get tired of it because I think I need it, because one day someone told me that only those who follow the plan are happy. (which we'll agree: it's a pretty boring plan!).
In addition, one of them even asked me: “Just imagine: you being an intergalactic warrior there and you spend time mimimi looking for romance?”.
Thanks to that, I remembered the girl back in childhood who wanted to be a hero, astronaut, boxer and scientist, I realized how much I lost who I was trying to be someone else.
That's why I write now to remind myself, and maybe remind you who are reading this at some point in time, that this here we live is an illusion and there is much more behind the veil than we can imagine, you may already have ear: “There is much more between heaven and earth than our vain philosophy dreams of”.
So, woman, you don't have to be the maiden! And you, man, don't have to be the insensitive macho hero, because you, be, it can be whatever you want, what it feels like to be and there are endless possibilities you can experience!
After all, what fun is following the boring and boring pattern of 3D when you can be absolutely anything you want to be? We are the whole, we are God and we are the manifestation of divine power, we can no longer accept being put in boxes that make us feel less than infinite.
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