Few have reached the evolutionary level of not needing someone to “complete” them. These are people who don't feel the need for "old fashioned" relationships, getting married, having children and the like. They feel good in their own company, they are complete. Unlike feeling lonely, they experience solitude, which is to live well with themselves and are not bound by sociocultural conventions.
Relationships serve us for our self-knowledge. The truth is that, through them, we relate little to each other and much more to ourselves. It is a paradox that must be understood.
Yes, anyone who thinks they are relating to other people and that they are complicated still don't understand the basics of relationships.
It turns out that we are always relating to our beliefs, to what we think and feel. It is our inner microcosm that is at work all the time.
People and situations that arise in life are a mirror of something we need to learn, about who we are, what are the weaknesses and what needs to be transformed.
And when we feel uncomfortable, we need to understand that it's not the other party's fault, but it is our problem, with our internal world. Always remembering that what we see on the outside is what we have on the inside.
The need for a relationship is generated by the lack of internal integration. We find in the other what we still don't find in ourselves. Hidden parts that we don't recognize in the intimate universe.
So, needing a relationship is different from relating to sharing with others, a healthy and pleasurable relationship. Getting into a relationship because we need it… It could be a love relationship, a job, or a family problem that we get tangled up in.
We complain about the family, parents disagree with their children, wife with her husband… Their relationships are intemperate due to conflicts of all kinds. Why and how to get rid of it?
Each one chooses what and how to live. Even in the family, it all depends on how you get involved. The feelings you welcome and emotions that move you.
My father doesn't understand me... My son is a problem... And what have you been doing to accept people as they are? Is he being controlling, critical and judgmental in the extreme?
And if you already know that you won't be able to change the other, but only you, stop insisting on the same mistake. Stop the fight without winners, in which everyone thinks they own their truth.
You see, when you feel hurt, resentful, joyful, or in communion with someone, it's because you choose to feel that way. You own what you think, what you feel and how you act.
You choose your relationships and how you feel about them. If you're in a complicated relationship, it's time to realize how you've positioned yourself. It may be that you still haven't accepted that the other is as he is, period. The problem is that you insist on wanting to shape it your way.
As we know, each of us lives in his own universe. How many times have you found yourself in a situation where you tried to convince someone that you were right and the impression you had is that this person didn't understand anything you said?
And that other one who is offended by anything you say? Did you mean to offend him or did he just feel offended on his own?
A healthy relationship with others only arises when you relate well to yourself, that is, your interpersonal relationships depend on your intrapersonal relationship.
Some people no longer feel the need for conflicting relationships for their inner growth, because they have already achieved the freedom to be what they are. They no longer live the internal conflicts that the vast majority have not yet freed themselves from. They no longer depend on the approval of others, nor do they have the need to please someone.
This thing of living glued to the other is out of fashion, we are evolving! If I like to drink wine in a restaurant and my husband prefers to watch a football game, our relationship will be super healthy when we each do what they want, without having to carry the other in tow.
Conflicts in relationships are the result of the confusion that each one carries within himself. Whether at work, in the family or in a marital relationship, there is no right or wrong, good or bad. It is always you who make your world your heaven or hell. When we feel at inner peace, this is the best time for coexistence. Relationships are difficult because we are so difficult.
As we get to know each other better, through our intrapersonal relationship, we can finally have healthier interpersonal relationships.
