Love is complex, enigmatic, and has different forms, so it's one of the topics I avoid the most. Despite their many archetypes, many do not know the difference when they are really taken by this state, or if what they feel is nothing more than attachment; feeling arising from a chronic emotional need.
The feeling of owning, or having control over, something puts us at the mercy of it. It is human nature not to bear the loss of what has been conquered, as it is part of maintaining our dignity. Enio Burgos, the author of the book “Inner Medicine”, says that people with an attached profile are more likely to have unbalanced emotions that are harmful to the body and mind. When we are attached to something, we can present symptoms such as anxiety or depression, either out of fear of losing it, or because we lost it and didn't know how to deal with it. Detached people, on the other hand, are always in harmony, as they know their true essence and know that the possibility of losing something or distancing themselves from someone will not change their nature or their purpose in life.
“Avoid getting attached to anything, for there is no suffering for those who, with serenity, do not cling, nor have aversion.” — Buddhist scripture Dhammapada Atthaka
The purification of love is to love without having the desire to possess, and because it is a one-way street, not much is expected in return. The nun Chaamda Jetsunma Tenzin divides love into two faces: romantic love and genuine love. In romantic love we have the attachment that says, “I love you, so I want you to make me happy.” Genuine love responds: “I love you, so I want you to be happy. If that includes me, great, if it doesn’t, I will continue to wish you happiness.”
It is difficult to think that the loved one has its individuality and can follow paths contrary to its own. It is hard to understand that the purpose of life goes far beyond what our conscience can imagine, it goes far beyond what we work out in infinite tabs of an Excel with plans for 1, 2, 5 years. But maturity together with self-knowledge makes us understand that whoever loves pushes the loved one in the direction of his own path, knowing that he may or may not be included in it.
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For Osho — guru and one of the greatest spiritual leaders — love feeds on freedom. When, finally, we find love free, it is clear to all parties involved how much more united they are than when they were held by imaginary ties. So united that love becomes total, and in this homogeneous substance there is no one to cling to. When love blossoms in its entirety, everything simply is. This is the mature love archetype.
“If you love a flower, don't pick it. Because if you pick it up, it dies and ceases to be what you love. So if you love the flower, let it be. Love is not in possession. Love is in the appreciation.” — Osho
It is necessary to understand that nothing is controlled, nothing is imprisoned, and we cannot possess anything. The projection that comes from desires and passions is what fantasizes and romanticizes attachment. The fear of losing not only prevents us from living as individuals, it also puts our individuality on the back burner. We want the other to tell ourselves why they stayed. We want validation that we are a good home, when instead of taking care of our home, we are just creating new ties that tighten each other more and more in our lives. Those who love don't need someone else to affirm their affective needs, after all, we only become truly whole when we understand this.
