We grew up hearing about different forms of love – the romantic and the familiar being the main ones. O self love, however, is as necessary and healthy as the others. There are many negative things that a lack of self-love can cause in someone's life.
Want to know more about the consequences of a lack of self-love and what to do to keep yours up to date? Keep reading the article!
What is self-love?
Understanding self-love in a world dominated by vanity and selfishness is complex, mainly because we live in a society that tends to push people away from self-love and self-esteem.
Self-love is nothing more than loving yourself in a pure way and accepting yourself the way you came into the world. It is liking what you see in the mirror, even if the vision is not close to the standards imposed by society. Loving yourself is valuing yourself, respecting yourself, being kind to yourself and understanding that happiness comes from within.
Often this self-love scares people, as if loving yourself is wrong. To escape this, they confuse self-love with egocentrism and selfishness and end up falling into the traps of self-sabotage. You can – and should – praise yourself, feel good about yourself, admire your own qualities, be proud of your accomplishments and your intelligence, and think about what's good for you.
Why can't I have self-respect?
In addition to the wrong notion that is transmitted to us about self-love since forever, there are many other behaviors and factors that prevent this feeling alone from being put into practice. Check out some of them:
comparisons
You know that expression that says “the neighbor's grass is always greener”? She is perfect for defining compulsion by comparison with other people. We will always look with the brightest eyes at what the other has, even more so if we fall into the illusions created through social networks and other spaces that are always showing us only the tip of the iceberg.
It's a vicious circle: you want what the other has because you don't know what that person really goes through; someone else looks at the bright side of your life without also knowing what difficulties you may be going through; and so it goes on.
The other is always more successful, more beautiful, happier, luckier, but the reality is cruel to everyone and we are all very different beings from each other. Each one with their own journey, which will never be the same for everyone.
Comparing yourself to others, you will never be able to feel enough and satisfied with what you have. Every crumb of self-love will be ripped from you with force every time you diminish yourself to magnify, in your mind, the journey of the next.
pressure under yourself
Some say that the greatest and most painful pressure we can suffer is that which comes from ourselves. You know those moments when you demand much more from yourself than you can deliver? In addition to fatigue and anxiety, frustration can bring us down - and the fall is of great impact!
You have to look at reality and know your own limits. The pressure you put on yourself can hold you back in many ways and keep you from feeling good about even your best deeds.
Perfection doesn't exist, so don't act unfairly on yourself. Be compassionate to your mistakes, embrace your vulnerabilities, and be kind to your own journey. And remember that it is taken one step at a time.
afraid to say no
O "not" It's a magic word, and once you learn it, you never forget it. That little word can free you from getting into situations that don't please you just to please others.
Often, we don't allow ourselves to deny requests, because going against other people's expectations seems to be a 7-headed bug. We think much more about the will of others than our own.
When there is self-love, you will feel safe enough to deprive yourself of activities and environments that drain you emotionally and physically. Say “no” whenever you feel the need. This is one of the greatest proofs of love you can do for yourself.
lack of self-care
Yes, self-love is linked to self-care. As a person takes care of their mental and physical health, seeks well-being and looks for pleasurable activities to do, the more that person is valuing themselves and learning to live more independently.
People who know how to take care of themselves rarely accept crumbs and are more likely to know their limits and triggers, thus seeking to preserve themselves from what is not good for them. This is much more important than many realize.
What are the characteristics of lack of self-love?
The behaviors mentioned in the topic above, when they become habits, already configure a lack of self-love. With them, there are some other signs such as:
- Focus on and intensify your own defects, even when they are minimal;
- Ashamed of attending places with many people, such as events, parties, concerts or any social gatherings;
- Imposter syndrome – doubting one's ability even in dominating activities;
- Feeling that you are not a person worthy of affection and praise;
- Incessant search for the approval of others;
- Putting other people first, deprioritizing yourself;
- Do not set limits and always give in to the will of others.
How to raise your self-esteem and self-esteem?
The first thing to think about to face (and overcome) the lack of self-esteem is: it's not your fault and many people around you are going through the same problem, even when it seems like their life is perfect. You're not alone.
Self-esteem and self-love go hand in hand. While one is based on acceptance of yourself, the other goes further - not only accept yourself as you are, but know how to provide you with the love and affection you deserve, without depending only on others.
Keeping these two virtues together is key to living a lighter life, prioritizing your physical and mental well-being. This also influences the way you will relate to other people around you.
Here are some tips that we have separated so you can deal with a lack of self-esteem and develop your self-esteem:
Practice self-knowledge
Self-knowledge, in addition to a practice, is a skill that everyone can develop little by little. Knowing yourself is something very powerful and allows us to explore our being in many ways.
With it, you understand your emotions, know how to define your fears, go to the root of the reasons for your traumas and nightmares and, above all, help you to believe in your own potential, as it is impossible to practice self-knowledge without connecting with its own strength.
Seek to go deeper into your self with the help of a therapy that you identify with. Habits such as meditation and recording your attitudes and visions in a journal can also help you on this journey.
Take it easy on yourself
It's not very nice to always demand perfection from you. It is possible to give your best without overcoming your own barriers and waiting for the masterpiece, after all you will not always deliver what your perfectionism demands and this can paralyze you.
The important thing is to experience, learn, get your hands dirty and see what happens. In this climb, you will come across your mistakes and your flaws, which means that everything is fine, because you did what you could and these processes are part of life.
You may also like
- What is self-love?
- Check out the steps that help raise your self-esteem
- 28 days of self-love: discover and develop these habits in your life
- Check out these self-love reminders and keep them in your mind
Learn to appreciate your successes and your qualities
Have you ever stopped to appreciate every good thing you've done in a day or have you celebrated the small daily achievements? You don't need much, just take a break from the rush and analyze your accomplishments, be proud and grateful for them.
Little by little, this starts to become a habit and you can be sure that the habit of appreciating your own successes and your qualities is essential for you to live well with yourself.
Respect your journey and don't compare yourself
We live in a world taken by competitiveness, even more so after the digital age, in which our eyes are glazed over the lives of others on the internet. When we least expect it, that's it... we already compare ourselves with the other.
Each hike and each individual is unique. One journey will never be like the other and that is why you must trust the path you are taking and always remember that we do not live in a competition.
Don't confuse self-love with selfishness and arrogance
In this text, we comment on how much self-love can be misinterpreted by people, who tend to confuse it with selfishness. This confusion, however, can also be made by you during the process of building self-confidence.
Don't forget that there are big differences between loving yourself and loving only yourself. On the verge of selfishness, you become one of those beings who are incapable of desiring and doing good for any other purpose than for their own good.
Love yourself, but be sure to also convey your love to other things and people around you.
