I received a review in a text of mine. A rather affectionate email, saying that I looked needy in my placement and that I couldn't teach women to be goddesses since I felt needy. It was a text written at the beginning of the pandemic, in which I saw that I, and many women, were afraid to stay away from their boyfriend and that would cool the relationship. I wrote it because it was what I was feeling and what I was seeing happening around me.
I don't have a problem with criticism, I think they're cool and they show us things about ourselves. And my reflection was more because, in that text, I showed a vulnerability, a weakness or whatever you want to call it, mainly because I showed the vulnerability related to the act of loving.
Brene Brown talks about this in her famous TED talk “The Power of Vulnerability” and, I confess, her speech changed my perception of the world in many ways. She says that we are here for human connections, that this is what gives us real purpose and meaning. That shame is precisely the fear of losing these connections, and that this puts us in a situation of vulnerability. We need to be seen and that leaves us vulnerable.
I've been highly criticized for exposing myself too much, especially those parts of me that are 'uglier'. And, I'm sorry, but I'm going to continue to do that. I know what my demons are and I have no problem talking about them. And being like this, exposed, is a very, very big act of courage and I know it. And I also know that not everyone has that.
I know great people, with great intelligence, with many abilities, who just can't believe in themselves. Who think they really need to hide behind something, whether it's a partner - this was one of the criticism's phrases - or parents, or in the past (this is quite common). People who hide by criticizing other people – I've done that a lot myself – just to deflect the subject. And I know, guys, I really know, that it's really hard to face the world and say "I miss my boyfriend in the middle of something that seems so much worse".
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And, yes, I make mistakes. Mistakes that make me feel ashamed. Mistakes that make me go back. I promise things in my Instagram Stories that I don't keep – like following an exercise routine. I make mistakes with clients, I talk nonsense, I return the CRP, I take it back and I want to return it again. I spend more than I earn, I don't know how to charge for my work and I don't like to see my 44-year-old face falling towards the center of the Earth. Cry. I have panic attacks sometimes, I don't want to hear other people's problems at home, I forget to congratulate my friends on their birthdays and I eat a lot of carbohydrates. Lots of sweets, lots of them. But so what?
What makes us human are our vulnerabilities. Wearing masks playing strong is just one way our ego finds to deflect the subject. It – the ego – fills us with defense mechanisms. And the defense is against whom? Well, against himself and against the world. A great other – as the psychologist Lacan used to say – for which we need to justify every act of our lives. I understand very little about Lacan and I won't go into it further, but this is a concept that I carry with me for life.
What are your vulnerabilities? What are you afraid of? What can't I show others? I'm sorry to inform you, but an important part of having a goddess life is precisely this: showing your vulnerability. Who but a true goddess dares to expose herself? Who but someone who is really good with themselves can say "hey, I don't do this all the time, and that's ok"? Allowing yourself to be vulnerable will bring you real love. Love for a partner, love for your work, love for humanity. Remember your size before the Universe and understand "life always wins and will always get the best out of you".
Gratitude for the review and for the chips she made me have
Ted talk da Brene Brown
