I've been reflecting a lot on this topic and on how much we are distorting concepts, emotions and actions. Us, because I include myself among those who are in a limbo zone to be able to deal with this vulnerability.
If we stop to think that to be vulnerable is to be under the influence of some risk, whether physical, moral or emotional, then what would it be like to show our vulnerability? And how does that actually show how strong we are?
As I said, pure limbo this place. But the intention here is that you, divine creature, feel normal as you read this text and realize that having reflex acts of survival is perfectly normal when a vulnerability of being “hiding” is exposed without warning.
I am in training to learn to be more elegant in the face of a threat that occurs only from my perception, not a real threat intention from the other party involved.
It's that scenario where we're telling a bunch of stories in our minds just to protect ourselves. Preservation instinct, because in the stories (which only you know) all scenarios are catastrophic.
At that moment, I found myself laughing. I decided to write about this because I found myself going through a situation that made me very, very angry, not to mention something else: with myself!
Something simple. Which made me enter what I call “the bazooka module in the ant” (nervous laughter).
A parenthesis in our “story”. It is natural for the brain responsible for the survival strategy to launch the best resource you have, since integrity and vitality are under threat.
Our defense system, whether immunological, emotional, mental and/or behavioral, is activated by the same basic principle: there is a recognition of something very similar to something already lived and that was very bad. To avoid getting into the same life-threatening situation as in the past, the body will react.
But there's a big X in this whole question. When we're talking about behaviors, the other side isn't always someone bad or putting you under threat. However, depending on how much you know yourself and how much you keep in treatment, you can activate your “bazooka in the ant”. Making a parallel with the immune system is anaphylactic shock.
The personal “story” that made me reflect on this situation happened when I started a movement to meet a man I was interested in. After being single for a while, I decided to join a relationship app.
And I already poke you on the other side, who for a moment may have judged and launched several thoughts in relation to my movement. I usually say that you will find what is vibrating. So, when using these dating apps, if it's all about sex, that's what you're going to get. It is you who chooses what use you make of the tool, not the other way around. Did you understand?
In my case, I confess that I don't have much patience, but like everything I do, I proposed that it would at least be fun. As I am a person who connects with ideas, thoughts and positioning, I like to talk. So only then is the filter huge, as most people can't sustain more than a day of conversation.
But believe me: it is possible to find someone who likes to talk and chat. Including conversations full of “sincericide”. A term of endearment I give my version of unfiltered sincerity.
Writing here, I confess that I am laughing. Because in this type of contact — which starts via the app — there is an extremely fine line of what you will actually expose to the other side. So, to what extent can you actually show who you are and, especially, those vulnerabilities?
Have you ever heard the saying that he who seeks finds? Well, I found a being that is literally like talking to a mirror. Which made the conversation highly interesting until he hit a vulnerable spot in me. And then the bazooka module in the ant came in full force.
Remember it's a mirror? And then I was surprised because from the other side came all the observations that I would have made to the other person if the situation had happened the other way around.
The most interesting thing is that the being in question had only shown concern for me because I wasn't sleeping. Through a speech of his that reminded me of a person from the past who did me a lot of harm, I unconsciously went down a well articulated and aggressive review in the man's direction.
Most of me found it cute and melted at his genuine concern, but because of a single comment in a context that felt like dejavu to me, it made me feel exposed. My mind took me in a time warp and triggered memories of pain. Result: activation of the survival system.
I only realized because of the answer that came next, which took me by surprise, because I hadn't realized what I had done. From everything that was said, what made me wake up to the situation was: "I know your job is to advise and motivate, but if you don't let people get close and think about your good, it gets difficult".
What point of vulnerability did he unknowingly touch? That I cover myself with taking care of everything, first because of the creation process I went through and, secondly, precisely because of the profession? My vulnerability point - one of them - is not wanting anyone to worry about me, after all, if I help everyone, it's my obligation to take care of myself.
Well, that's not how things work. Even because what I want most is someone on my side doing exactly what this man did: worrying and simply being there. Simple. The simplest is what usually solves and delights.
Now, what other vulnerability hook was activated and made me feel tremendous fear? That all those who really genuinely cared about me at some point either go away or are no longer with us.
In my memory, a person's gesture of care and genuine concern for me, especially a male, was associated with departure, separation, rupture and/or abandonment. As with anaphylactic shock, the response is intense. To avoid further damage, my emotions reacted to avoid one of the most painful points in my soul.
And then, look how crazy and beautiful at the same time, for the unconscious to act like this is less bad. Even if the man of my “story” chooses to leave, for the body's defense system, it's a better outcome than being abandoned later, even if both result in the withdrawal anyway.
Do I want the man to walk away? Obviously not, I just reacted like that because I actually knew that something wonderful could happen, but as the end ends in rupture, the brain has only registered the end, not the path, the journey.
To my joy, the other one was available to talk and review the route, but of course the movement ended up changing.
For me, it became even clearer the need to be attentive and willing to look at what we need to improve in ourselves.
And as for how much it is necessary to free ourselves from the fear of showing our vulnerabilities. After all, a frank conversation is much better than a bazooka in the ant.
You may also like
- Expand your self-knowledge from your vulnerability
- Find out if you need to be strong all the time
- Discover the hidden energies that dominate your life
- How vulnerable are you willing to be?
Regardless of the outcome of this “story” of mine, I am already grateful for having had the opportunity to realize how afraid I am that the people I want well and kept in a good place in my heart will simply leave.
The fear was no longer that of being taken care of, but that this person whose care is reciprocal and loving would leave.
In other words, I still have a lot to learn about letting go and living in the now moment.
I invite you to investigate how many things you have been missing out on simply by not looking at your vulnerabilities and owning them, and then making a course adjustment.
Count on me.
With faith, love and gratitude.
