“The most painful problems are those we cannot regret” – Marquis de Custine
On the other hand, we also know that our emotional balance is often put to the test, day after day. There are people who are always offended and others who never take anything personally. Some of us live our routines with a certain filter that is able to let or block certain emotions and thoughts.
However, everything has a limit and an insurmountable frontier. We speak of that barrier that others often arbitrarily cross, to insult our self-esteem, destroy our emotional integrity, or to manipulate us. Anger has its reasons for being and letting it out in a respectful way, at the right and opportune time, is relaxing and healthy..
We invite you to reflect on this:
It may seem quite curious, but few books explain or detail the benefits of anger or indignation.
Traditionally, these emotions are always linked to hatred or lack of control, moderation and tact, when we talk about managing life's contradictions.
However, it is good to remember that, like pain, it is necessary to accept one's emotions before channeling and transforming them. Knowing what and why and feeling what feelings are fundamental actions when we need to solve an emotional problem. The bibliography on the subject is quite scarce, but fortunately there is a very interesting book: Annoying (2011), by scientists Joe Palca and Flora Lichtman.
This text delves into the topic of anger from a multidisciplinary point of view, so it leaves nothing to be desired in neuroscience, sociology, anthropology and psychology. The first thing these scientists reveal is that anger is often compared to anger, frustration, or abhorrence of someone or something. Experts, however, propose the understanding of anger as a unique and exclusive emotion.
Anger, then, does not depend on a specific action. It is the accumulation of various things, like a mosquito that torments us every night to the point that we cannot think of anything else but him. However, we find in this book the most important information: if there are no problems, there is no possibility of change. In other words, this negative emotion has a purpose: to make us act.
Get angry in a smart way
Charles Darwin himself once said that negative emotions, such as fear and anger, are warnings that make us adopt appropriate behavior in order to avoid or get rid of danger. Paying attention to what afflicts us, makes us unworthy and that takes us off the axis is a demonstration of self-knowledge. Acting on these emotions undoubtedly demonstrates our emotional intelligence.
“Keep your distance from people who try to lower your ambitions. Little people always do that, but only really big people make you feel like you can be big too.” — Mark Twain
Now let's see how we should act in these cases and what we should delve into to better understand these emotions.
4 laws of intelligent anger
The first law is to make it clear that he who lives eternally nervous is destined for unhappiness. There are battles that aren't worth it, there are subjects that do not deserve our attention and conversations that it is better not to initiate or not to insist.
• Get angry for what really upsets your personal balance, give voice to your self-esteem and defend yourself firmly when someone tries to harm you.
• The second law refers to a very obvious aspect: it is possible to defend yourself with respect. Debating in a balanced way and without verbally attacking the other is essential and is something that can and should be done, taking advantage of emotional intelligence.
• The third law provides for some important steps that need our attention and depth: listening, feeling, breathing, understanding and acting. It is worth saying, first, that it is necessary to listen to the stimulus that is offending you or hurting you. Only then is it possible to understand your emotions and accept your anger. Finally, take a deep breath and decide what your priority is.
I have to act and set limits to show that I don't want to be treated in a certain way. I must not allow anger to immobilize me to the point of preventing me from thinking. I must use it to act intelligently. These are some of the best ways to deal with this feeling.
• The fourth and final law of intelligent anger is that you always learn something. Every situation resolved and faced or every need to defend must teach us that lack of action, silence and repressed emotions are bad for us and make us sick.
There is no need to be afraid of negative emotions. In fact, understanding them and learning to manage them is the real secret of our personal growth.
Written by Amanda Magliaro Prieto of the Eu Sem Fronteiras team
