Ah, love…sometimes described as the fuel of life, the feeling that gives color and reason to existence, and other times, as the feeling that breaks the heart with so much pain.
Today, I would like to talk a little more about the second, the feeling that makes a person suffer, cry, despair and even think that they were not created for happiness.
But what is it that causes a person to have all this “pain”?
In the last article, we talked a little about the difference between pain and suffering. Just to remind you, pain is real and suffering is psychic, that is, an individual's choice about how to go through that pain. It is essential to remember this difference, to better understand how we are choosing to live love or pain.
It is important to conceptualize love as a search for unity, for union in everything that exists. It is thinking in terms of humanity, something much bigger than the affective relationship between man and woman. However, we are still learning to love and, therefore, we still condition love to our desires, wants and the flesh.
The way we see love today goes back a long way, when the idea of ​​a soulmate started to spread. The soul mate brings with it the idea that someone will arrive to complete our happiness. And if that someone doesn't arrive, then we are doomed to unhappiness.
It is necessary to realize when we are placing our happiness in the hands of someone or something. For example, do we feel that our partner is responsible for making us happy?
If we answer yes to this question, it's time to rethink our concept of love. We are placing in someone else's hands the conquest of one of our greatest treasures: happiness.
Love is something that integrates beings and not something that completes them, since they were all created as complete beings. At this point, it is up to us to remember that happiness is an internal state and an individual achievement.
The idea of ​​finding someone who completes us can be one of the explanations for the so-called “pains of love”. When we do not receive from the other person what we would like, we begin to suffer, allowing the lack to grow in us, making us even more dependent on receiving affection and attention.
Another important point is idealization, which is when we create in our mind the perfect companion: the affectionate, loving, rich, intelligent, polite and handsome prince. When we realize his humanity, his imperfection, we feel very bad. It's like the world came crashing down. So, once again, come the pains of love.
We realize that, in a way, the idealization and the idea of ​​a half person, the one who waits for her soulmate to arrive to make her happy, merge, because neither of them is real. And because they are not real, they frustrate, disappoint, make you suffer, because the person is stuck to something unreal to make him happy, despising his inner growth and the search for real love, the one that brings freedom, joy and respect, because he knows that your happiness depends only on yourself.
We think that the other belongs to us, is ours and we will have control of their presence forever. However, people are free to come and go. The biggest challenge for understanding love is to respect the other's choice, even if it is completely different from yours, and allow him to be free - even to love another person. Reaching this level of understanding means the non-existence of the pains of love.
We often say that we need to be lucky to find the right person. But is this a real idea? Would it be logical to say that happiness depends on luck? Wouldn't it be more logical to say that happiness is the result of the choices we make?
After all this, do we still think love hurts? So, here's a thought:
Love doesn't hurt. Love heals, frees, is harmony.
Anything outside of that is attachment, possession, idealization, unreal.
Which side do I want to be on? On the side of real or illusory love? Suffering from attachment or reaping the delights of love?
Is love not still the best way? The answer is up to each of us….
