The man who opens the car door for his wife, takes the groceries so she doesn't carry weight and when they leave, he pays the bill for both of them... The type of man that was considered a gentleman a few decades ago, today can be seen as sexist by some women. At a time when the theme “female empowerment” is on the rise and feminist groups gain more supporters, some male customs fall into disuse, but not in all cases. What is man to do in times like these?
Women have never had as many opportunities to be independent as they do today. The situation is far from ideal, but it is possible that the woman is independent and does not need a husband to be happy both in her personal and professional life. Which also reflects on how she expects to be treated by men. And therein lies something that is not a consensus among women. Chivalry or machismo? For some, a simple act of kindness can be a demonstration that the man makes the woman submissive. For others, it's just an act of kindness.
And how are the men? Sometimes lost, sometimes relieved. Lost when they try to be nice and end up being accused of machismo. But relieved when they know they don't have to behave like their grandfathers did in the last century. As for whether women will approve of some male behavior, it depends a lot on each woman.
The solution to this problem is to get to know the woman you are seeing. We men can only know our role in a relationship when we understand who the woman we are dealing with is. If she's the type who likes to be shown affection and kindness, she won't be offended if you sincerely show affection. If she's the extremely independent type, she won't be offended by splitting the restaurant bill. I mean, it all depends. The important thing is to really know the woman and not put it as if they are all the same. Every woman is unique and a man's role in a relationship will vary depending on what you both expect from a love affair.
As for women, what men have to say about it follows the same reasoning. It's no use putting all men in the same package, as if they all exercise machismo or if they were all gentlemen. That does not exist. Every man has a different personality and way of dealing with relationships. So, before judging whether the guy is sexist or not, women should also know each man as unique, respecting his individuality and understanding his motivations. Not everything that seems is machismo and not all kindness is sincere. Each case is different.
To expect to have a politically correct guide to what a man should and should not do in a relationship is deluding himself. The good side of women gaining their space independent of men is exactly being able to relate to them in a unique and true way, without worrying about labels and accepting that each interaction must be respectful, but without neglecting affection and understanding. No machismo and no chivalry. The man's role in today's relationships is to know how to treat each woman as she is: unique!
Written by Ricardo Sturk from the Eu Sem Fronteiras team
