Over the years, I've lost count of the amount of expectations that exist around the figure of a woman; so many that it seems like a permanent race, without breaks, for which it is necessary to have an unbeatable preparation, but also a long-distance race in which it seems that the goal is never reached. Each time this situation, this vicious circle, is the reality of more women, regardless of country and continent.
We live without living, without seeing each other, almost always ignoring our needs and desires, relegating ourselves to the last place.
The most dangerous thing about this situation is that we are rarely aware that we are going through it and that it is also a routine way of acting, so much so that it has become a part of you. But why does this situation affect so many women?
We are brought up in the belief of perfection, that we have to achieve everything, that we can with everything, regardless of our physical and emotional state. We grew up with the belief that our main task and priority is to take care, whether it's a partner, family, parents, children... situations.
We acquire the role of “caregiver” without understanding the repercussions that this has for us and also for the person we care for at all costs, creating a mutual dependence. We learn to care and, as a general rule, we do very well. But in this caregiver role, no one teaches us to take care of ourselves. We have not learned that taking care of ourselves is important and more of a priority than taking care of others, because if you take care of yourself as you deserve, you cannot take care of the other, or at least not the true meaning of the word take care. We understand by caring, ensuring that the other person, collective or home, does not lack anything and has what is necessary to feel good and thus meet their emotional and physiological needs.
But this is not caring, we could say that this is the superficial part of the verb. Caring is accompanying, understanding, listening, loving and being unconditionally. As you can see, it goes far beyond covering the needs of the other with a “patch”. The question here is, if you can't listen to yourself, understand yourself, value what you feel, how you feel, what you need, how can you do that with someone else?
If you don't allow yourself to be unconditional with yourself, how is it possible to be unconditional with the other, if the first person you have to learn to take care of is yourself, taking care of yourself, taking care of yourself are fundamental pieces in your emotional health, in the way how it relates and how it projects itself in the world.
Why is this vital?
When your figure moves to second place is you think that taking care of others is more important than taking care of yourself, why do you do that? What do you want with it? Do you do it for love? Just for love?
Not really. You do this because when you stop taking care of yourself, you disconnect from yourself: body, desires, dreams, affective, emotional and physiological needs. Without realizing it, you forget fundamental points that mark who you are, your essence, which identifies you as an individual and as a woman. Thus losing track of you.
What consequences does this have?
You seek to please others, those around you, be it family, partner, work environment, close relationships, etc.; feeling that you are necessary, useful, essential for the well-being of the other or for the good functioning of a cog or core of people, looking for others to give you the love, importance and value that you do not give yourself, because you forgot how to do it and you don't remember or you don't know that no one can replace the love you have to give yourself and that no one can give you exactly as you need it because you don't know. Because the point is not that “others” give you away, but that you don't cancel yourself, don't cancel your essence in the search for a phantom love, which in the midst of so much race to the bottom seems never to arrive.
This situation generates frustration because you feel that you give without measure, that you give everything and don't receive what you expect or how you expect. You lose yourself to turn to the other, becoming the queen of expectations related to others, but without putting any on you as a woman. You submit to the wishes of others to please them and become who you think they want you to be. You create your life, you and your reality based on what others expect of you, why?
In addition to conditioning beliefs, we learn to be inconsistent with ourselves as women, because we adapt and adopt different positions, behaviors and personalities according to each of the roles you play at each moment. Yes, papers. Do you always behave the same way?
You may also like
- The Sacred Feminine and the encounter with the wild woman. Practice!
- Understand the magic and meaning of the Moon Woman
- 10 lessons from strong women
No, because the need to please, to be valued or loved, leads you to be different, depending on the role of the moment: mother, partner, lover, daughter, caregiver, professional. Not only do you behave differently, but in none of these “roles” are you yourself; because you behave without a compass, lost, not knowing what you are looking for or what is expected of yourself, life and others.
All this you already know. So why do you keep doing this? Why do you keep doing something totally different from what you think and feel?
You get lost in this deep race trying to be someone you are not, nullifying your personal essence in a research that makes you feel dissatisfied and entering the social game of “Incomplete Woman Syndrome” which is nothing more than a set of attitudes, fears and ignorance that lead you to search for “something” all your life, without knowing very well what or where; at the same time you focus all your energy on the other, because you feel empty and afraid to face social criticism, in which everything about women is a big taboo, expectations and standardized figure that you insist on following for fear of marking the difference in your life and being who you want to be… Be free, because you are satisfied with yourself, with who you are and where you are going.
Being free doesn't mean being alone. Being free is synonymous with not losing your identity, being you all the time, accepting and loving yourself. In this way, this “syndrome” disappears and you stop walking through life looking for the approval and love of others. But you are yourself because you feel satisfied, the emptiness disappears, you stop acting in search of “being completed” with love and recognition, you simply share and give your best in every moment, without expectations.
Every time we live in a world with more women vibrating in the energy of the incomplete woman syndrome who need to wake up and reclaim their identity. Do you want to be part of that percentage?
Yolanda Castillo
