There are people who wake up one day and think: “How beautiful I am!” ou “What an intelligent and successful person I am!”. This is self-esteem, among many other examples that we could cite. But our self-esteem is not a concept formed “out of nowhere”. It is a construction that involves five main pillars.
In this article, we are going to talk about self-esteem and what are these five pillars that deserve your care so that you have your self-esteem up to date and, in short, like who you are.
What is self-esteem?
In short, self-esteem is the opinion we have of ourselves. It can be high, meaning we like ourselves, or low, meaning we don't. Of course, this is a fluid concept, as it is possible to have self-esteem up there today and wake up with it at the bottom of the well tomorrow.
And this fluidity has everything to do with the five pillars that we will present in the next topic. But first, let's go a little deeper into the world of self-esteem.
Although we can talk about self-esteem in a general sense, as if it were a kind of generalized opinion about who we are, the truth is that we are composed of several different self-esteems.
For example: you may have physical self-esteem up to date, feeling beautiful, but have low intellectual self-esteem, feeling “dumb” and incapable. Or you may have low emotional self-esteem, feeling sad, but with high professional self-esteem, fulfilled in your career and in your profession.
Anyway, there is no exact and clear definition of what self-esteem is. After all, we are individuals, and for each of us, one area or another of our lives is more important. So everyone needs to follow their path of self-knowledge to understand how their self-esteem behaves.
The 5 pillars of self-esteem
The pillars of self-esteem theory is the brainchild of two German psychologists and researchers, Friederike Potreck-Rose and Gitta Jacob, detailed in a book authored by the duo published in 2006, “Self-devotion, Self-confidence, Self-acceptance — Psychotherapeutic Interventions to Build Self-esteem” (free translation from German).
Check out the pillars described in the work and how you can improve these structures so that your self-esteem is up to date.
1 - Self-acceptance
Self-acceptance is accepting your imperfections and flaws, but also valuing your qualities and strengths and positives. In other words, it's looking at yourself and thinking: I'm like this and that way, and that's okay. This does not mean that we should be content with what can be changed and improved.
In fact, it also means appreciating your healing process and your journey, until you finally reach your destination. It is, in short, being satisfied with yourself, respecting who you are and not wasting too much time thinking: “I wanted to be different or in a certain way”.
2 - Self-confidence
Self-confidence is the ability to believe in yourself, to believe that you are capable of achieving a good performance, because you believe in your abilities. And this can be applied in several situations: believe that you can get that job, that you can build a healthy relationship, that you can change and improve.
Being self-confident does not mean being arrogant, that is, believing that you are incredible and invulnerable, capable of achieving anything you want. It is, in fact, analyzing your strengths and weaknesses and, even then, coming to the conclusion that it is possible.
3 - Self-responsibility
Fortunately or unfortunately, not all aspects of our lives are in our hands. Many times, it is not our fault that a layoff, the end of a relationship, the end of a friendship, an illness, the removal of a loved one are not our fault… But what we do with what they do to us is our responsibility.
This doesn't mean you shouldn't allow yourself to suffer or see yourself as a victim of a situation. In fact, it means that you need to take responsibility for yourself and think about what you are going to do with the situations that happen to you. You help build the consequences of what affects you.
4 - Social competence
As much as you enjoy silence, solitude and your moments with yourself, we are human beings. In other words, we are social beings. Building healthy relationships is part of our lives, whether affective and loving, family, friendship or even professional relationships.
Therefore, being able to build this network of relationships is directly related to our self-esteem, because, whether we like it or not, we receive external validations about who we are, usually from the people we love and who are part of our journey.
5 – Improve? For you
Finally, almost all reflection and self-analysis ends with conclusions about what needs to be improved and how it is possible to evolve. But one thing must be clear to you, so that your self-esteem is not messed up by expectations, demands and external pressures.
And what should be clear is: change? Only if it's for you! This means that any concepts like change, development and evolution must come from what you believe is good for you, not what others project and expect of you. Always improve, yes, but improve by thinking about what you think is good.
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Maintaining self-esteem, as you can see, can be a complex equation and without a certain result. Therefore, take care of each of these pillars, always analyzing yourself and understanding what is good for you and what can be improved so that you feel happier and more satisfied with yourself.
