And, no matter how much time passes, every detail will be memorable: the touch of hands, the unique timbre voice, the particular perfume that with time stops being frequent… The scent of lavender for me is inevitable to this day…
And mutual friends? The confidants? Oh! These deserved a kind of altar, they are true saints! They listen to you successively and the main theme is always that person, they are practically obliged to repeat how and where it was, what the loved one was wearing, what he did or didn't do, etc.
Our! These friendships are golden and we don't always value them, we are so in the moon world and we are so self-centered, that we don't even realize how unbearable we are. And when we are unmasked by these friends who don't know how to keep a secret, we feel betrayed by something that is so visible to the naked eye.
Being friends with a person in love is not a task for anyone, and even more so when this creature doesn't want to admit such a feeling. The Cupid mission, then, becomes almost impossible.
And when you discover love at a young age, these symptoms triple… It's very corny when I remember my school days. I met him one autumn, he introduced himself without much ceremony: “Hi, I'm So-and-so and I'm here, nice to meet you! What is your name?"
It's funny when I remember that embarrassing moment, I was so distracted that I didn't notice his presence and in seconds he managed to get a sudden laugh out of me that provoked a fit of laughter in him too. I was a novice and on the first day of school there were so many people that it was impossible to know them all, but he didn't need any tricks to get to me.
We immediately became great friends and with him I learned simple things like wanting to cook a “mashed potato” (as if it were a gourmet dish) to dance even if awkwardly, to know how to tell the time on a mere hand clock, to win in the “ Atari" with the "tricks", being cunning in physical games since she wasn't very sporty, and even winning in arm games, which I'm sure he let me win.
And, like all love stories, there are obstacles. Ours was my shyness and a mutual friend who liked him a lot and I don't think he even knew or pretended not to know. In fact, he knew very well how to act with the other girls, but not with me! It didn't give him that right. “Busy! Come back here, I'm talking to you, did the cat eat your tongue?”, he would speak irritably and sarcastically when he didn't answer him and left him talking to himself.
I admit, I didn't declare myself and I didn't even allow him to declare himself, we were like water and oil. I knew how to see our differences, I wasn't so blind. And I didn't understand why, with so many girls at school, he wanted to be with me. That he should be content with our friendship, he didn't want to spoil it for what he considered a silly whim of his.
As mathematician Blaise Pascal would say:
“The heart has reasons that reason does not know.”
And, as much as he gave countless signs that he didn't want to be just a friend, I was happy to see him ride a horse, I was amused when I made him angry, it was amazing how he got so beautiful annoyed.
I admired her good sense of humor and even the clichéd compliments that came out of her mouth minutely: “You look beautiful”, “I love your hair”…
I saw myself so beautiful in those brown eyes, my smile was reflected in that bright look, when I rarely decided to face him.
It wasn't harassment, but I preferred to get away from him, any excuse was valid for not having him around, including supporting him to stay with this friend. Ignoring him, for example, during recess, being under a tree reading something and having to talk to him and any approach was an excuse to avoid me, I was so scared of it all that I really didn't want to get involved.
And it was devastating the overwhelming way he was present. We lived in the same small town and wherever I went we crossed paths, I never knew if it was a mere coincidence or if he insisted that I see him. Because of that, I was targeted by other girls, who tried to cut my hair, insult me ​​for no reason, other than his accusing look after I left him standing at a party. I felt so suffocated that sometimes I didn't want to go to school.
I don't know if it was fear, lack of self-esteem or because I worried too much about what others would say, but that day I didn't meet him.
And we got further and further apart until one day he was no longer there, there were not even goodbyes, I just understood that we would never see each other again…
After a few years, I even fantasized about the facts a lot, I got frustrated, but later, when I met him again, I came to the conclusion that “it wasn't meant to be”, it wasn't in our destiny. But he knew everything and I think it was a relief for me. It was actually quite fun. A certain empathy was reciprocated in knowing that after so many years we were happy with our choices.
Thanks to what happened to us, we became what we are today: strong, successful people who knew how to deal very well with the joys and failures along the journey until we found mature love in adulthood.
What I mean, dear reader, is that mistakes made in first love prepare us for life.
I confess, I learned to take more risks after that.
Know that there is no formula for love, the romance of dreams is possible no matter the age, no one guarantees that it will last nine and a half weeks or for all eternity, there are no guarantees or an established expiration date.
And you can only know if you allow yourself.
