Chapter 14 – Starting over is choosing to stay alive
Starting over is choosing to stay alive!
Awaken in the light of a new day and renew
Finding new strength to love
in hard times
To discover
Without wanting to how fragile it is
Decide
Choosing each step where to go
in an uncertain future
It's not easy, keep erasing from memory
Everything that made our history
Our life start again
I sing in the wind
That kisses my hair in a breath
I sing to the sea
That erases my senses, and makes me
Restart
I decided to go my way
without leaving
That the past, fate, can destroy
an honest life
turn over
joys and lamentations
Understand that only time itself
will give us all the answers
It's not easy to keep erasing from memory
Everything that made our history
Our life start again
(Start Over – Tania Mara)
Place a DELETE key on your keyboard to access your files and life decisions. There's so much to delete and throw away, which I now understand to be the most faded key from so much use, more than the spacebar. Erase all the bad records, which only serve to drain energy. Erase the phrases that only serve to make us smaller in front of ourselves, but first listen to the music of Tânia Mara, in her favorite angel voice in the heavenly choir to purify access to the most delicate part of your mind:
- don't forget, bad thing
- every time i remember it hurts like the first time
- if it didn't work, it won't work again
These phrases, spoken by mere chance, just a vice of language or an ordinary cliché, cloud anyone's vision and prevent a clear observation of the facts. In addition, they are phrases that join many others not listed here, because it is not advisable to waste ink and paper on words, expressions and phrases that do not speak of good things.
Pay close attention to the italicized part of the lyrics of the beautiful song “Recomeçar”, performed by its author, singer Tânia Mara. Carefully watch each word. After studying the essence of the three sentences, go to the first three words and decide: is it or isn't it easy?
Forgetting, whatever it is, is not easy. The more acute the emotion, the deeper it takes root in the soul of the person and there it remains, for years on end, like a kind of wound that does not heal and that bleeds the hard memory, drop by drop, pain by pain, tormenting the person. A good inspiration to speed up the process of erasing memories of great losses, heartbreaks and the traumas that people on whom we bet the best of our feelings cause us is to listen and appreciate one of the most beautiful compositions by our Vinicius de Moraes, which seems to have come to Earth just to rescue the act of loving. Here is the letter below:
Why cry?
If the sun is about to rise
If the day will dawn
Why suffer?
If the moon will rise
It's just the sun going down
Why cry?
if love exists
The question is just to give
The issue is only pain
who didn't cry
who didn't feel sorry
can never say again
Why cry?
Why suffer?
If there's always a new love
In each new dawn
Without being a miracle, his proposal can be seen as a redemption of the ability to face the internal torment, by looking outside and forward, betting that new days will come in our lives and, with them, good surprises, like new loves. , new and warmer friends, new opportunities to change attitudes and behaviors and to believe that “this happiness”, a very repeated but important cliché, can arrive in life and settle in it, glorious and absolute.
I learned a simple technique to enable our “delete” key, which I suspect must be installed in our mental circuitry. It works well, with the exception of guilt states, which are painful recordings that require more than a lifetime to erase. As the scope of this book does not drift towards topics that should only be addressed by the VERY enlightened, which, decisively, is not my case, erasing guilt does not fit with what I describe next about how to “delete” bad memories. .
In a seminar on sensitivity training, the focus of the works taught and made us practice a technique that he did not name, but which I like to call “speaking louder in a silent voice”. This technique consists of, the moment the person is taken by the bad memory, immediately bring back explosive memories, such as the scene in which he climbed on the table and danced happily (of course with a high level of ethyl in the blood...) or released the voice to sing “Maria, Maria”, by the unsurpassed Milton Nascimento! If, at the end of the show, the person has taken a fall and knocked over bottles, glasses and portions of picanha and sausage, all together… even better! Yes, it works! The mind gets carried away because it remembers something that amuses it, to soften the harsh taste of bad memories! Rescue sweet or hilarious memories and leave them there very close to you, so they can be triggered when the pain of recent sufferings arises. IT WORKS! Practice a few times and experience a change of mental posture, believing that YOUR WILL is what rules the MIND, not the other way around. IT WORKS!
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It is also necessary – and mainly – to change our attitude towards the facts of life, which is called RESIGNIFY, according to NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming) and which is, “… we realize, to face in a simple way the situations that were previously complicated; of perceiving in a new way and giving a new meaning to what was already formatted in our system of values and beliefs” (source consulted on the internet)
In the same source, there is a beautiful definition for the term: “Resignifying is the movement by which we develop our ability to understand the circumstances of life” And, believe me, there is no magic formula, much less a touch of genius in our mind when we choose to review our lives as a platform for a vigorous, rewarding start that can lead us to a space where happiness is much more than the lyrics of a romantic song or the rapture of a poet's heart!
A good technique for operationalizing reframing might look like this: initially, you choose what an event means to you. Afterwards, or at the same time, it doesn't matter, when things go wrong (and they often insist on going wrong, don't they?), you look for the good in the situation and give it the most attention. You look to see how to benefit from the situation, as opposed to being a victim of it! It's that simple.
Some examples of how this “resignification” works:
- You're stuck in a traffic jam and you're going to be late for an appointment. How can you use the situation, instead of getting annoyed and annoyed? Relax and listen to the news or a song you like. Build plan B, plan C, and so on in your mind so that you can decide how you are going to make up for lost time throughout the day. Mentally rehearse for a future event, such as the strategy you will use to surprise your loved one on an innocent Saturday night. Enjoy forced idleness by studying the mannerisms of other drivers, actually looking around, noticing some very funny faces or looking at the clouds in the sky and the sculptures made on them by the whims of the high winds.
- Your best friend was going to go on vacation with you, and in the end, you decided not to. How about surprising another friend by inviting them to go with you? Or decide that going alone is the opportunity to turn your vacation into one of those crazy adventures, like going out and about and only stopping when you feel like it? Or use it as an opportunity to develop your most important relationship, which is your relationship with yourself, and take care of yourself, body, mind or try that sophisticated dish whose recipe you got who knows how?
- You planned to spend the day in the country, and when you get there, it's raining. How can you use the situation instead of lamenting that nature or God never gives you a break? So how about taking the opportunity to walk in the rain and get muddy on a fierce “bicicross” course? You can be sure, dear reader, that inexplicably Nature will protect you against flu, colds and such annoyances!
- A very personal relationship ended. You can feel sorry for yourself or be angry with the other person, but you can choose to let go of the heartbreak phase and open up to the next relationship, also as an opportunity for a completely new start, using the freedom for a personal makeover. in the way he surrenders to loves and suffers disaffection.
If someone tells you this is nothing but denial, look at that person with some pity (not too much, because you shouldn't deserve it!) and assume you're not denying anything. Instead, you fully admit, “Yes, I wish things hadn't changed or had fit into my plans.” You can always make a choice how to react to this reality: “Yes, I can choose to be angry or to feel sorry for myself. Or I can focus on the advantages of the situation and actively look for a way to make this situation benefit me.” Or you can, in extremis, go out there and see what “is going to happen”. To be weighed down by the rubble of what is gone, however… not even under torture!
As I choose not to report my experiences in the books I write, preferring to record what I saw or heard, always more interesting reports than my stumbled ones here and there, I remembered a curious action of resignification experienced by a longtime friend and hundreds of hours of joint work. Trainer of people like me, he used a creative exercise to sharpen perceptions as a tool to get to know each other better: in a relatively large bag, he would put about 30 different small objects, so that when training him, using only touch, he would hit as many as possible. as possible in three minutes. There was a lot in the bag, including five condoms in individual packages, and that's when the trouble started! His partner at the time thought that those condoms were part of my friend's stock of use in supposed "fence jumps" and that they were in said bag just to disguise. It was the trigger for the breakup, even because the relationship between them was very shaken and corroded by the routine. So, after the weeks of acute pain and longing had passed, the wronged coach decided to use his stock of condoms (as material for experiential training…) and sell them by unit at night in the bohemian area of the city, because he knew that, So many leaves, a little high because of the drink, always arose in the bohemians the emergency: having a partner for dating like “it's now or never”, but lacking the indispensable condom. After he sold everything, he realized that there was a niche in the market and, these days, his workday starts on Thursdays, around 22 pm and lasts until Sunday morning, carrying an elegant leather bag in which there is everything for a night of sparking, everything, which he resells at exorbitant prices, but which is never left over…
Yeah…
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