Self-responsibility and how it impacts your life.
The purpose of this text is to present information on self-responsibility by proposing reflections on commonplace attitudes that reinforce the destitution of one's own personal power and thus enable a readjustment of self-awareness so that you get rid of harmful behaviors and enter the universe of your best, where your best is , in this case, to assume oneself and, then, respond to the world from this condition.
Awareness of self-responsibility is fundamental in the development of an emotionally healthy individual and also in the construction of more harmonious relationships, whether these are not only relationships with the external world - professional, affective, family - but also relationships with the internal world - health, self-care, beauty, self-love, self-appreciation and dealing with weaknesses and innate potentials.
So let's go!
We will start from psychological theories combined with real-life examples to situate the information, as there is no possible consciousness displaced from the passable reality. It is necessary to implement what is understood!
Why are we not self-responsible?
We tend to work on self-awareness through a mechanism I call 'ordinary'. In other words, what happens in our intimate universe over time seems so common and commonplace… And it is human nature to deal with the commonplace automatically. It is part of neural functioning in anchoring learning and also as a way of saving energy… Thus, what happens in practice is the disconnection of focused attention and the 'assimilation' of such content as if we already mastered it. In this case, the 'SUCH' content would be SELF ITSELF.
Yes!
This MYSELF, rich in innate potential and full of desires, of course, also with dysfunctionalities and identifications with external values… But that starts to be perceived JUST like background music in a cafe.
And is!
Normally, this is how humans conduct life, with the self on automatic, responding to events in a primary, even instinctive, way. In this way, passing or surviving life imprisoned, usually in hypnotic loops, that is, reliving and feeding traumas and to face them, relying only on the resources learned in early childhood and adolescence, on moral values ​​and on old emotional responses. given to traumas or events when in their origins.
What happens is that the traumatic impressions were experienced in early childhood and when the individual is really limited in references to effectively conduct his perception and is also limited by his own authority.
When we relive the same traumas and feed them into adulthood, we usually also relive the emotional response given to them… Without the clarity that the child has grown up and that now one can and needs to acquire NEW RESOURCES to evolve.
Let your child know he's grown up!
But then, what is self-responsibility?
It's more than a concept, self-responsibility is a lifestyle, where you are 100% responsible for everything that happens to you.
Responsibility, according to the Portuguese dictionary, means the duty to take responsibility for one's own behavior or someone's actions; obligation. Behavior of the sensible person; common sense. Nature or condition of the person responsible, who assumes his/her obligations.
HIGHLIGHTS in this description are the terms DUTY and OBLIGATION, two words that most people usually want to get away from – and do you know why? Because they are related to the emotion of guilt and punishment associated with early childhood memories, where the individual is receiving his lessons in moral and social adequacy and also internalizing the affective relationships involved in the orders: incapacity x capacity, approval x disapproval, contempt x acceptance. .
I have an example of a very simple case that exemplifies exactly:
A mother with her child in session. The 7-year-old son said he felt really bad about not making his bed properly. And the mother commented that part of the education she proposes includes initiative and participation in household chores. Cleaning the room in the morning is one of them. She said she started teaching him, then helping him, then letting him fix it the way he wanted, and then the 'sloppiness' started, according to her, and the son would say 'I'm doing my best'... Of course, said the mother , “Sometimes he has a lazy behavior and after many times explaining and helping him through the process he still seems to show little interest and I hope he does as I said he had to.
As I said, it is a simple example, but it exposes a mechanism that could reinforce the incapacity and frustration about oneself, if the mother had not been aware of this child's feeling and encouraged her to do her best, without judging her, tag it.
Both managed to resolve this feedback dynamic of frustration, as the mother also experienced this in childhood, but in more humiliating ways. The result was great! The son started to make the bed much better than expected, and the obligation became pleasant, that is, now, a reinforcement of capacity, a pleasant moment of conquering the best.
All the son wanted was the mother's approval and the obligation led him to bad feelings, but he would have to be guided by the mother's reference to obtain approval and affection and he would deprive himself of his own reference... so, obligation, incapacity and frustration would always be together – it would be impossible to resolve.
We notice in this simple and everyday story in families a situation related to duty/obligation that generates feelings of incapacity and guilt. This is all about self-responsibility.
Back to the meaning…
Etymologically, the word responsibility comes from the word RESPONSUS, from the past participle of RESPONDERE, ie “respond, promise in return'', RE – back, backwards, plus SPONDERE ''guarantee, promise''.
This is where what I said above becomes more evident, where the response to an event is a promise that guarantees something, so if you grow up with an impaired and deviated sense of response, you will always guarantee a feeling x to the event that demands it.
Today responsibility is meant by many therapists as the ability to respond to oneself. It is very likely to compensate for the sense of obligation and punishment arising from the culturally sacrificed use of the concept, where responsibility is associated with duty and obligation and punishment.
But then what is a skill? It is a characteristic or peculiarity of one who is skillful; who has ability, dexterity, agility, comes from the Latin, habilitatis. Eligibility for…
It's because?
Let's remember that each one of us comes from a specific trajectory of assimilation of reality and then encodes the self and its own capacity from education, interaction with the environment and the answers it gives from this reading.
A person may have heard from their parents that they lost everything…
The other one was very orderly...
The other, the two pieces of information, and from them, aspects of identification were created…
You know that "I AM LIKE THAT" thing?
It concerns the identity or ego created due to the identification with information received from someone(s) in the relational environment and also strengthened by the own way of feeling the data/characteristic in the face of the event and in the face of affection and approval X disapproval with parents/caregivers. Thus, a response, a behavior, that is, an enablement to model your ADAPTIVE EMOTIONAL RESPONSE is generated.
So when you say I am like this, it does not mean that the person is like that, but that he is identified with such a characteristic, normally allowed, enabled by the external referential 'YOU ARE LIKE THIS'.
THE EXTERNAL REFERENCE IS VERY IMPORTANT, IT IS EVEN WHAT I cite as THE DIALECTIC OF BEING, BUT, NOTHING COMPARES TO THE ENABLING OF THE SELF FOR YOURSELF, RELEASED FROM THE EXTERNAL ABILITATION, often ignorant and even manipulative.
How many cases of people I attended who came to work on their stigmas.
– I've always been told that I'm very selfish, the person would say.
Result:
This person, to prove the contrary, in an attempt to enable non-egoism, did everything for others, in sacrifice and the worst, was never recognized for their deeds… Of course!
In this case, the person is hostage to the external reference, looking for his freedom in the other.
Another example:
– I do everything for everyone and look what happens…
Have you heard this?
It is important, as in the example of the boy making his bed, to delve into his own story to reconnect to the origin of the event, to the moment when you, without knowing it, allowed the other to give power over you to, then, take it back. .
As children, the caretakers owned the cedar, but in adulthood, you have to look for your own! Therefore, in therapeutic processes it is necessary to revisit childhood and reorder the process, neurally reprogramming the psyche.
That is why it is so important to destigmatize the I AM LIKE THAT. And if you comfort yourself, neuroscience has proven the ability to redo synaptic electrochemistry, that is, the more you train, the greater the capacity for cognition, therefore, the greater the neuroplasticity. What I have come to say is: capacity is modeled, capable of being reprogrammed. There is no:
I'm like this and that's it, I won't change!
Capacity is related to learning and, in this case, we are talking about the functional brain learning system, but here focused on learning about oneself. This self is the result of the functioning of its organic system, its social and cultural history, interactions and relationships, opportunities, temperament and unique soul/spirit/nature.
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In order for you to be more skilled at giving answers, that is, being self-responsible, you need to know and revisit your history, understand some crucial points that motivate certain responses, which are often dysfunctional, but exist to defend your own integrity. It is necessary to know its epigenetics, its biology, it is necessary to know its essence…
We still have a flawed emotional education. Today we have a lot of access to self-knowledge information, but the real, deep work is still minimal. Many of the self-knowledge contents that 'sell' themselves can deceive the mind in the work of the self-process and the applications of these contents are not in tune with the nature of the individual, that is why therapy is so important, as it considers you, in your assimilations, in your uniqueness .
