Brief summary of the article written by Linda Graham – resilience expert
We are much more likely to notice, react to, and remember unpleasant, distressing, and negative experiences than pleasant, comforting, positive ones.
Our brain has this negativity bias programmed to ensure our survival as individuals and as a species. Early in human history, those who were most attuned to danger and who paid the most attention to potential threats were most likely to survive.
So in many ways, the negativity bias makes sense for survival. But to be resilient, to respond to distressing events in a positive, flexible and effective way, to discern the options we have and take wise action, we also need to be able to move our brains out of negativity, reactivity and contraction, towards receptivity and opening to the big picture.
Learn to get your brain out of negativity
Hundreds of studies now validate that cultivating positive emotions – gratitude, kindness, joy, wonder, delight – will change brain functioning from negative to more positive. This creates more openness, more collaboration with other people, more optimism.
Self-compassion is a very powerful practice for triggering this brain shift. The direct and measurable result of practicing self-compassion is resilience. So we engage the power of self-compassion not just to feel better, but to function better.
Conscious self-compassion simply brings awareness and acceptance to your emotional experience, no matter how upsetting. It teaches us to notice and focus on our feelings, but then gives us the practice of changing those feelings. This choice to change our response to our feelings is important to our resilience.
Technique – Self-Compassion Interval
Objective - Changing our consciousness and bringing acceptance to the experience of the moment.
To create and strengthen neural circuits that can do this shifting and reconditioning when the going gets really tough.
Pause and hand on heart – Anytime you notice a rush of difficult emotion – boredom, contempt, remorse, shame – take a break, put your hand on your heart (this activates the release of oxytocin, the hormone of security and trust).
Recognize the suffering – Empathize with your experience and tell yourself, “this is upsetting” or “this is hard!” or "That's scary!" or “this is painful” or “ouch! It hurts” or something similar, acknowledge and care about yourself as experiencing something distressing.
Repeat these phrases for yourself (or any variation of words that work best for you):
May I be kind to myself right now. This breaks the automaticity of our survival responses and negative thought cycles.
I can accept this moment exactly as it is. From William James, considered the founder of American psychology: “Be willing to let it be. Accepting what happened is the first step in overcoming the consequences of any misfortune. ”
May I accept myself exactly as I am right now. From humanistic psychologist Carl Rogers: “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself exactly as I am, I can change.”
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May I give myself all the compassion I need. Compassion is a resource for resilience, and you deserve your own compassion as well as others.
Keep repeating the phrases until you feel the change within: Compassion, kindness, and self-care becoming stronger than the original negative emotion.
Pause and reflect on your experience. See if any possibility of wise action arises.
Source: https://lindagraham-mft.net/
