The planetary transition, the entry into a New Age and the ascension of our level of consciousness into the fifth dimension have been discussed for a long time. However, I observe that one of the areas in which we still need to make a lot of progress for this transformation to actually take place is in the field of relationships.
Consciential, spiritual or energetic development (whatever you prefer to call it!) does not take place in isolation, nor only on the subtle plane. This expansion takes place in the context in which we are inserted, and this includes numerous connections and relationships.
After all, as living beings we are interdependent, like everything else in Nature. As humans, we are also relational beings. And it is precisely in this daily experience that conflicts, challenges and dramas arise that make us realize our true degree of self-knowledge and, consequently, of conscience.
It is in the way we interact with each other and, consequently, with the world, that it is evident how much we respect, honor and allow ourselves to be who we truly are. The interesting thing is that we conquer the freedom to be who we are when we finally allow the other to be who they are too, that is, when we give up control to what is external to ourselves.
And since relationships are so important for the expansion of our consciousness and evolution as beings, I list here some steps that can contribute to the construction of conscious and constructive relationships.
1 – Taking care of the inner child
Many of the problems in relationships, especially affective ones, are due to the activation of the wounded inner child in unexpected situations. The inner child is an infantile part of our psyche that is characterized by creativity, innocence, spontaneity. But that, on the other hand, keeps our childhood wounds unhealed, our unmet needs for affection, needs, fear of abandonment and need for approval, among other characteristics.
When we experience a circumstance in a current relationship that unintentionally activates this child, we are unconsciously driven to:
- Self-destructive, explosive and self-centered behaviors;
- Insecurity, low self-esteem, loss of self to please the other and even the shutdown of emotions.
So getting in touch with our inner child helps us understand what their needs are. We can thus nurture this child with affection and attention in our daily choices, we show that we grow up and that we are capable of self-care. Holistic therapies help a lot in this process of reconnecting with our child and inner healing.
And this is an important step towards becoming more integrated adults, able to relate affectively from who we are in the present and no longer from our past wounds.
How is your inner child? In what behaviors and emotions do you notice that she has been trying to communicate with you? Have you tried intentionally contacting it and receiving the contributions it can bring to your present life?
2 - Attention to projections
Another important step towards maturing in relationships is understanding what is yours and what is the other's. In other words, it is realizing that much of what irritates us in the other is a characteristic of ours that we do not admit.
We learned from childhood that some behaviors, thoughts and feelings were not seen as correct in the family and, later, in our social life. This content was being repressed in what we know as shadow.
The journey of self-knowledge includes getting in touch with this shadow and realizing that it is part of who we are. Otherwise, this shadow will surface at the most unusual times or when we are subjected to situations of stress or fear, for example.
The more aware we are of what we used to consider “our defects”, the more we are able to act without being dominated by them. As a result, we are able to see the other as he is and not as our projections.
It is also important to observe what expectations and fantasies have demanded from the other, as this makes the relationship heavy and generates a lot of frustration. There is no way your expectations will be met by others. To avoid this, assertive communication is essential.
What do you love most about the other? What do you hate most about him? What in the other causes irritation, anger, fear, sadness in you? Notice what the answers to these questions reveal about yourself.
3 – Each one taking its rightful place
Another very constant problem in relationships is systemic entanglements, a term used in Family Constellations and which concerns the problems arising from ignorance of 3 orders under which family systems are founded: belonging, hierarchy and balance.
Hierarchy, according to this view, is about taking our rightful place within the family, understanding that those who came before us are “greater” and capable of dealing with their own destiny and that their choices must be respected. This is how we manage to have the strength to be who we are and the power to achieve in all areas of life.
What happens in most cases is just the opposite: people are totally involved with the problems of the family of origin (father, mother and other ancestors) and, therefore, cannot be present in the affective relationship and in the construction of the current family. .
To take this step, it is important to leave with the parents what is theirs: expectations, fantasies, needs, pain and behavior patterns. It is necessary to realize that what they did not receive from their parents will never be attended to by their children without causing suffering.
So my invitation here is for you to look at the relationship you have with your parents today. Is there role reversal? Do you try to meet the emotional demands of any of them? Do you find yourself repeating their behaviors that you have always criticized?
Also notice if you are present in your current relationship. Or if, on the contrary, you are more concerned with resolving the problems and conflicts of your family of origin. From there, you will already have some understanding of what needs to be changed in order for there to be growth and to make your relationships more aware.
4 – Beyond the give and take
Another important step in raising awareness in relationships is a sense of contribution.
Much is said about the balance of giving and receiving. And that should be the minimum for a relationship to be functional. That is, that one of the parties does not want to just take and the other to give. In unbalanced relationships like this, the one that only gives dry and gets sick on several levels. And the one who only receives tends to go away.
In the moment of expansion of consciousness that we are living, we can go beyond the mere exchange. We can be a contribution in all of our relationships and accept the contribution that each of them can be in our life.
In other words, we are invited to live with generosity, understanding that the universe is abundant. And that the contribution for what we are and what we do will come in the most diverse ways, not necessarily the one we expect.
Let's reflect now. Have you been a real contribution to your relationships? Do you allow yourself to receive the contribution of others? Do you act with generosity? Do you always expect to receive at the same time and in the way you determined it would be, or are you open to infinite possibilities? Do you feel sucked in by the people you interact with? Will your current affective relationship be a contribution to you in the next 5 years? And if it's not contribution, feel the freedom of choice that opens up.
Get out of your mind a little, connect with your heart to each question and feel the answers in your body.
5 – Non-judgment
And here is the step that requires the most attention and possibly the most difficult for most of us: non-judgment.
All the time our mind judges, discriminates and tries to frame what we perceive in the world. It's just that all of this is done based on our beliefs and mental programs. What we have is always a perception of reality, a cut, and not reality itself.
In relationships, judgment and criticism undermine joy, lightness, and even love. In some cases, it makes coexistence toxic and unbearable.
For a relationship to advance in consciousness, it is positive to perceive the other as he is, without the need for constant judgment and competition to be right.
This can be done with a very simple tool, which is the “interesting point of view”. It's realizing that we don't need to agree or react to the other, we can simply understand that he has a point of view, just as I have mine and I'm free to express it.
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Coming out of judgment increases our freedom to be, brings well-being to everyone, deepening our connections and relationships.
Finally, remember that conscious relationships are built on the daily practice of love, empathy, and kindness. Much more than feelings and emotions, relationships require concrete choices and actions. By exercising the steps described above, we advance our consciousness and create increasingly positive relationships for everyone. Consequently, we contribute.
