In the book “Feel Afraid and Do It Anyway”, Susan Jeffers talks about the various pillars that support life. When our life has only two pillars — say, work and relationship — if one of them fails (you get fired, your relationship doesn't go so well) we'll feel really insecure seeing our "home" balanced on a pillar. On the other hand, if we have several interests, several things to energize us, give us joy and who to turn to when things go wrong, life becomes a little easier.
Here are some examples on which pillars, in addition to work and relationships, our lives could be balanced: spirituality, family, contributing to a cause, friends, personal development, hobbies, community life, well-being.
The case of the centenarians of Osaka, Japan, is well known, who say that the secret of their longevity is community life. This is a very important support: it influences our physical and mental health, makes us feel supported, needed and, depending on the group, keeps us updated, aware, happy.
Another aspect: sometimes we end up demanding too much of a partner — we expect all our needs to be met by him.
Philosopher Lucia Helena Galvão has a video in which she talks about soulmates, and says that this phenomenon — this union on the physical, mental and spiritual planes — does not have to occur only between two people who are related: this meeting can happen between a master and a disciple, between two friends.
We know that we always have that friend who is good for traveling, who is good for clubbing, who is good for deep conversations, or the one with whom we have fun and we can be kids again - we don't expect everything from the same friend. So why do we expect our partner to satisfy us in every aspect of our life?
When we expand these pillars, we remove the weight that only one sector of our life was carrying: expecting satisfaction only from the relationship, wears it out. Expecting fullness from work alone is, most of the time, frustrating.
If the personal satisfaction we expect from work is achieved through participation in a cause or a hobby, we can keep working at anything—forever, or until the perfect job comes along (or, better yet, until we understand that is the perfect job at that moment).
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I, for example, have discovered several pillars within the same pillar: spirituality. There are aspects of Hinduism that fill me enormously. On the other hand, I've been doing contemplation and meditation practices with a group whose main bent is Buddhist, and it's been amazing. I still know little about indigenous practices, but when I go to a ceremony, I feel that nothing replaces that knowledge that touches my ancestry, my essence. I don't expect any of these aspects to fill me completely: I take something that I identify with here and there, and I try to insert it into my life, like a mosaic.
Sometimes a pillar can expand into several areas of your life: if you decide to make painting or music your hobby, and you enter a class, there you work on your well-being (which is a pillar), you find people and allays your need for company or someone to talk to.
We are very lucky because nowadays you don't even have to leave your house to do many of these things. It's in our hands!
