In times when the rush is what sets our routine and performing several tasks at the same time is a common practice, concentration and focus are true chimeras. According to a study published in 2010 by Harvard University in the journal Science, our minds tend to wander 46,9% of the time. And that comes at an emotional cost, because a scattered mind is an unhappy mind, according to the psychologists who conducted this research.
Lately we have not been able to maintain our state of consciousness in which body and mind are aligned and in tune. We are doing things on autopilot, including activities that are supposed to provide us with pleasure and well-being. Sex is one of those activities.
We often do not have time for dedication as a couple, either because of the hectic nature of modern life or because of the presence of children, who demand care. And this also interferes with moments of intimacy, ending the quality of life for two. That's where mindfulness comes in.
deciphering the concept
Also known as mindfulness psychology, mindfulness consists of a set of practices that lead to a mental state of control over the ability to focus on sensations perceived in the present. That is, focus on the here and now, abandoning distractions and external thoughts that can take us to another time (past or future).
It is a series of exercises that connect action and thought and that require a lot of dedication on the part of each practitioner. But all this self-regulation is gratifying, given the benefits achieved. Among the benefits of this technique, we highlight:
– support in the development of emotional intelligence;
– increased ability to concentrate;
– reduction of insomnia;
– improvement of self-knowledge;
– anxiety control and stress reduction;
– memory improvement;
– reduction of negative thoughts.
How to apply mindfulness
Try to apply the technique in routine activities, especially those in which you act on autopilot. For example: pay attention to your breathing (this is an excellent self-connection exercise); exercise your listening skills (don't be that person who waits for your turn to speak).
assimilate what the other is saying); notice everything around you, from the simplest things, like getting out of bed, or the environment where you are (see details); try to analyze the activity you are currently doing (for example, while you are eating, instead of thinking about something outside of that moment, try to feel the act of eating, chewing, smelling and textures. Don't travel away from the act momentary).
You can also practice meditation and breathing techniques plain and simple. For this, choose a quiet and suitable place for this practice.
And in sex?
Nowadays, there is no time for everything. For sex too, so it ends up being seen as mere tension relief. But he is more than that. It is the meeting of two bodies exchanging energies, involving emotions, feelings and lives. If our energies are not good, the exchange will be lacking.
Since our body is our home, we cannot make use of it in a trivial way. We need to experience sex fully. Understanding the extensions of each body.
Lack of attention makes bodies disconnected. With mindfulness, attention will be focused on the moment of sex, the texture of the bodies and the sensations perceived during the act.
Before
Long live the preliminaries. Enjoy every caress, every touch and every breath. The heat of the other's body. Connect with your partner through kissing. Close your eyes, feel the texture and temperature of your lips.
Use all the senses: look in the eye, touch the body, smell, listen to the breath. Focus on every movement and every action. Don't think about anything else but the two of you kissing and feeling right now.
During
Pay attention to every act and every gesture. Notice every sensation, from hands touching or when bodies meet. In the actual sexual act, pay attention to your breathing and how it changes as you are about to reach orgasm.
At this point, pay attention to the smell, taste and sounds. Don't deprive yourself, don't feel inhibited or judge anything. Just observe all the movements, the sensations, try to identify your reactions to each one of them. This also helps with self-knowledge and greatly improves the quality of sex in the relationship.
After
It's important to keep the connection vibrating after sex. Keep hugging your partner and feel the heat of your bodies together, the energies calming down, breathing slower and returning to normal and the temperature stabilizing.
It's all a matter of identifying and focusing on the sensations, without thinking about the ticket that will expire, if you turned off the light in that room or if the next day you have a report to deliver.
You may also like
- See the best books on mindfulness
- Check out the scientific evidence of mindfulness
- Learn how to achieve mindfulness every day
The problem in relationships as a whole – including relationships with ourselves – often resides in the fact that we are not there, body and soul, living that moment.
We must live in the now without tying ourselves to the past or worrying about the future, as the Roman poet Horace wrote in one of his odes: “Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero” (“Seize the moment and trust the least possible tomorrow”).
