There must be a huge amount of theses floating around about jealousy, that feeling so prosaic and often harmful to human and non-human relationships. Even dogs are jealous. Some skeptics argue that plants too. I have never delved into the subject from a psychological or sociological point of view because, you know that moment when the urgency is to put out the fire and not find out what caused it?
However, it is not necessary to be a professor to know that low self-esteem is one of the pillars that support jealous behavior. The vast majority of those affected suffer from the evils of lesser value. So it goes without saying, but as the ego grows stronger – therapies, new job proposals, a new haircut, endless Pilates classes, plastic surgery or just a judicious introspection about its real qualities – fierce jealousy it is domesticated because the “other” returns to occupy the place of “the other”. He is not you. He doesn't complete you or other such nonsense. Like another, it is an independent organism that survives on its own. It is surprise! – you also continue to live without him.
Neutralizing jealousy is a battle of strategies. And, the advantage over dogs and plants is that we have a chance of success in trying to control unhealthy jealousy. So if you're not a fern and you're a woman (yes, it's girl talk), let's go ahead.
An interesting exercise is to think about the practical consequences of the jealous reaction. What will I gain by having a jealous outburst? Aside from becoming more of a hysterical woman in the stats and creating a climate, your bonus will be zero. Let's try to understand why:
SITUATION ONE: Your husband/boyfriend looks at the ass of a hot woman on the street, giving the famous neck break. You notice and frown. She swears and makes it clear that the situation has irritated her. Many women - including - treat it as a lack of respect. Is nonetheless. However, respect must be offered of its own free will and not by subpoena. Returning to the example, how do you think the man reacts?
(A) He justifies that he wasn't looking at “nothing” and that the woman saw too much, while reflecting that he needs to be more discreet when admiring butts.
(B) He remains silent because he knows that in trying to justify himself, the attack can be worse and longer lasting. He reminds us that single life is much better: you are allowed to watch how many asses go by and without retaliation.
(C) After the call, the man is penalized, gives the woman a movie kiss and thinks: “what a fool I was looking at that hottie, with a complete woman within my reach” and swears never to commit such foolishness again.
If you answered alternative C, my suggestion is not to proceed. Opt for Alice in Wonderland. But, if at least you have considered that the reactions described in alternatives A and B are likely to happen, let's go ahead.
The reflection here is: there is absolutely no advantage in presenting a jealous reaction, involving blasphemy, scowling and bad temper. Good butts are everywhere and they'll get by unscathed even when you're not on guard. What we need to present to the partner is a nice reason why he thinks that keeping your ass – and the rest of the work – pays off. Love and admiration go hand in hand and no wonder women feel threatened by other people's asses.
Now consider another situation:
SITUATION TWO: Your husband/boyfriend looks at the ass of a hot woman on the street, giving the famous neck break. You obviously notice, agree that it's a pretty good ass, but think it's no use making a scene, don't make any kind of comment and carry on the conversation normally. Given this, do you think your partner will:
(A) It's strange that you don't say a word or frown at the obvious broken neck, but imagine that you managed to be so discreet that you deceived her.
(B) You think the subject was so interesting that even you didn't think it was cool to interrupt the conversation to fight.
(C) The girl's ass wasn't even that good and you didn't feel threatened.
(D) All of the above.
who answered the alternative "D" runs the risk of getting hit. Not the first time he manages to get over it, but maybe the third or fourth time. The importance we give to mundane situations like these shows our insecure nature. And, insecurity doesn't feed good feelings in anyone. Your ass might even be better than the passerby's. But the fact that you make a scene in front of your partner looking at someone else's ass will make it clear that you don't trust your cue. And your ass will devalue. This is how it happens on the trading floor of the Stock Exchange. No double meaning.
On the other hand, I remember the testimony of a young man, in a men's magazine, who recalled a post-ballad affair, which ended up in a motel. He recalled that the girl, when looking at herself naked in the mirror, repeated to herself in a confident tone: “What a beautiful ass! There is none like it”. The author of the text explained that he doesn't even remember if the girl's derrière was all that. But just the memory of her admiring herself already fed lewd sensations.
But of course: I understand that many men are really good at bringing out the worst in us, including murderous instincts. In this case, the analysis is even lower: what are you doing in this relationship? Is it worth having a bad feeling with every ass you pass? Is it worth feeling in a state of eternal vigilance? One thing I guarantee: your attacks or surveillance will not change anyone's character. Get into a relationship to be happy. Or don't even come in.
