SĂŁo Paulo, September 01, 2020
Shall we talk about humility?
I was looking at some posts on the internet about humility, with divided opinions about what humility is and what being humble is. I was very intrigued, which made me write this article here.
Some say that being humble is having a very minimalist life, hippie style, discarding materialism and the advantages that capitalism has brought us, they even say it's living like a monk, totally detached from the so-called “mundane” things; Others say that it would be to be submissive, to put oneself in a position of subservience, of obligatory obedience, an even exaggerated docility; There are people who say that humility is not putting yourself on a level of superiority or inferiority.
There is a certain group with a very contrary and very interesting opinion saying that humility is an ego trap used either by one group, institution or society in another to exert control over the other.
This made me very intrigued, what would humility be?
Let's discuss a little about the existing concepts in "being humble".
Minimalism is people who don't have much interest in luxurious and extravagant things at some points, it's not about a selfless life of vanity, of material things, because that's impossible! In fact, I remembered a movie I watched in which the characters were Buddhists and one of these characters wanted to put into practice a more selfless life, he thought that this way he would live the precepts of Buddha. But he ends up getting into a dilemma, because at the same time he moved away from material things, he moved away from people, from the human being, from the universe as a whole.
This idea that the material is something bad, negative, is so rooted, and what we are dealing with on this plane here is the material. We enjoy it and through it we are all interconnected as part of a whole.
We need each other, whether it's the food we buy, there are people who went there, planted, cultivated, distributed so that it reached us and we could feed ourselves; even to be born on that plane, the knowledge we acquire, before us there was someone with all this. I write these articles because there was someone before me with the knowledge and so someone will take all this knowledge that I'm passing on and pass it on to other people.
So minimalism in its essence is a utopia, we would have to live each one isolated without any contact with the other, whether virtual or in person, so at one time or another we would need someone. This character was isolating himself inside a bubble and imposing it on others, he was alienating himself because he confused the Buddhist precepts with the hippie lifestyle and forgot the biggest Buddhist precept which is the “Sangha” (Community - Living with other people) in harmony).
The hippie movement is a cultural manifestation against the existing social system, they have a very liberal view even in the sexual area, we know the very famous motto “peace and love”. They were looking for spontaneity and different ways of expressing love. They had a speech of non-violence, they used drugs in order to experience altered states of consciousness. Most came from a well-structured family, but they were harshly critical of consumerism, so most of them also did not have a profession or fixed residence. What are things that Buddhism goes to a little different side. Buddhism is a religion that has as ONE of the great precepts compassion for the whole, the appreciation of the whole, the perception that there is no "I" but "we", everything is connected, so we cannot discard material things. if we enjoy them, if others enjoy them, if we need them and if others need them, ignoring and rejecting this is selfishness and when we are surrendered to our desires, instead of freeing ourselves from the bonds of the ego, we free ourselves from suffering, we were trapped.
This subject is controversial, there are people who interpret that when talking about conscious and responsible sex, you have to have an extreme attitude of abstinence. They get angry, thinking they are wanting them not to have sex, they make a fuss calling them “neo-hippies”, they put all religions and this cultural manifestation in the same box. In fact, they put culture and religion in the same definition.
Since culture is a whole set of customs of a society, religion enters as a set of dogmas and behaviors that can indeed extend to the way in which a society as a whole works.
Which doesn't even make any sense, given that the hippie movement is totally liberal on this issue of sex. Some religions are more restricted, but this is not the case with Buddhism, nor with Hinduism or Taoism. So much so that there is tantra, which would be the search for enlightenment through pleasure, this exchange of energy, the activation of the chakras through stimuli in the body.
It's not about restricting yourself, but acting with conscience, not living on autopilot and stuck with your own instincts. It's about expanding your consciousness, to make decisions in life more intelligently, so we don't act impulsively and inconsequential, like children.
I say this because children are usually not at a maturity of cognitive development in which they understand the consequences of their own actions on themselves and on others, so they act very impulsively, they are loud, they act with that exaggeration, they have no control over themselves, about their own emotions and get angry when they are contradicted, then you have to talk to them, explain that it is important to hear the word “no” and that not everything is as we want it to be.
This is part of evolving would be putting yourself in a realistic situation that there are many things to learn in this life. If you put yourself in a position of apprentice, exercising your power, not putting yourself on a pedestal, bordering on arrogance and not putting yourself in a deep well, bordering on impotence, because then it is to enter your own shadows and to get out of it, you will require a very big cleaning in your life, a cleaning of a lot of garbage that was hidden there. Be a cleaning of energies, beliefs, negative repetitive patterns...
Now let's talk about this issue of subservience, related to this issue of “being humble” and about the issue of “humility” being used as a weapon to control the other.
Since childhood we have heard the phrase “be more humble”, which if we stop to think about it, were always said when we talked about some ambition or we talked about some positive characteristic in ourselves. Curious, no? This is part of that thing of passing on this image of being nice to have the approval of the other, to manipulate the other... Have you ever thought about that?
I was studying psychoanalysis and in one of the classes there was this debate about being nice and I think it fits well with the question about humility.
In this class, psychoanalyst Dr. Cassia Rodrigues discusses the similarity and the connection between the figure of the good guy and the abusive manipulative figure. Abusive people don't present themselves at first as an evil, aggressive, terrible being as people think, it won't be stamped on their foreheads. It would be very easy for you to dodge them, defend yourself and then make the abusive handler's job more difficult.
The abusive manipulative person will always present themselves to you as super and extremely good, perfection incarnate. Never seems to get angry or sad, apparently incapable of malice, an overly sweet way of talking to gain your trust, lower your defenses. You know that person who is free from any suspicion? So, this idealization is slowly planted in your mind and that's how that toxic cycle I talked about in my article about abusive relationships begins.
One of the stages of this cycle is the destruction in drops of your self-esteem, it's like a poison. In a few doses it may not hurt you so much, but after a while it will do you a lot of damage. This charge for “humility”, “being humble”, may indeed be related to abuse in this context that I gave.
In fact, we all have a part that is manipulative, that is toxic. No one is a "golden rosemary", there is no one who "never makes mistakes", there is no "sensible fairy", because no one is 100% correct all the time. Propagating these ideas goes hand in hand with this culture of cancellation, this demand and inspection for an attitude without any mistakes that I already mentioned in my article about social networks, you can read it there after finishing your reading here.
When we don't deal with the shadow part, the part that is toxic within us, we get stuck in the ego, in what I want, I feel and the world has to do my will, the world owes ME... see this charge for humility when a person feels good about himself and is not ashamed to point it out, or to gratefully receive a compliment.
When we receive a compliment, we always go into self-defense mode.
understand? Someone says “You look beautiful”, “you are very smart” “you are very amazing” we answer “Imagine, you are the one”, “I didn’t even get dressed today”, “thank you, you too” , "I? With so many beautiful, amazing, smart people out there.”
It is common to defend ourselves from a compliment because of the belief that we are not deserving, which also makes us want to return this compliment, saying “You too”, “you who are”, and the person just praised us and even got a heavy atmosphere in the environment. , because we received the praise very badly.
We grew up being taught to defend ourselves from praise, not to accept praise because accepting praise would be "arrogance" and it is wrong to accept it, because we have to be "humble", and when you accept praise, you reinforce qualities in yourself and the universe will send more of the same.
Be honest, it's good to be appreciated, it's good for the ego to be praised, we feel valued, don't we?
We have to work through this guilt within us, this aversion to praise and start seeing it as a good gift, something the person is willingly doing. The mood gets lighter, the other will even feel more stimulated to praise you again. This is something healthy. When you are grateful for something, you receive more of it, by the energy you are flowing and by your reaction.
Now, let's talk about this issue that to be humble is to be submissive. Let's talk about what submission is and being submissive. I've heard people saying that it's putting yourself below a mission, maybe they have this conception by the combination of the words "sub+misso", "sub+mission", but submission refers to putting yourself in an inferior position, of subservience, of obedience compulsory, which is very problematic, I don't think I need to explain why.
That urge to have someone be subservient. Why want to keep the other under control?
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- Know the good side of humility
- Understand how you can learn from your mistakes
- See what fears and insecurities stop your life
That habit of subservience, of blindly obeying, without thinking about what you're doing. Why do you “have” to do what you do?
In fact, this question is one that we must ask ourselves all the time in every situation. “Why do I do what I do?”.
When someone tells you that you have to do or say a certain thing that the other wants, have you ever stopped to think about why you have to say or do as they tell you you should? Does it make sense or does it not make sense?
Is that you? What do you mean by “humility?” Comment on my Instagram @ampeixotoo, in the post I'm going to make with this article.
